Many years ago, on our way to a house party...
me and a few classy friends decided to out-do the other unoriginal students with their pathetic traffic cones, so we stole a tramp.

A genuine, hairy, pissy-streetbum who had passed out in a doorway.

We neatly carried him into the house and deposited him on the sofa.

He woke up a couple of hours later and became an instant celebrity - he was passed endless drinks and got loads of cuddles from inebriated girlies.
He was christened "King Wookie" (I've no idea why).

It was dark, there was loud music and flashing lights. From his reaction, I'm fairly sure he thought he had died and was in a trampy afterlife.


EDIT: I dunno what the rules for "reposts" on the QoTW board are, so instead I'll just link to a previous post on the subject:
www.b3ta.com/questions/localnutters/post14942
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:09, 5 replies)

Amazing ...
Hope he had a good time :)
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:26, closed)

For some reason I instantly noticed that "trampy afterlife" fits the same rhyming pattern as "gangster's paradise"
So now I wish I could think up some lyrics. Can anyone help out?

P.S. If you're not familiar with the original it's the song that Weird Al parodied with "Amish Paradise".
(Helixdaunting, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 2:49, closed)

Ahem, I'll just leave this here...
As I sit in a doorway on a street in my town
I take a look at my pants
And realise they're filthy and brown
With a dog on a string and a 3 day-old bagel
Even my momma thinks that I'm long-term AWOL
You know I used to be a suit in the city smoke
Until I copied in my boss on that e-mail joke
Quicker than I could type "licked out"
He had my kicked out
And now I am homeless begging peeps for a toke.
My missus hit the roof when she heard I was fired,
And kicked me out on the street, I can't sleep - I'm tired.
My joke only got a cheap laugh now I'm hoping for a "street bath",
On my knees under a drainpipe
With a Burger King freshwipe.

Pissed, skint, kicked out by my wife
I'm heading for a trampy afterlife
Pissed, skint, kicked out by my wife
I'm heading for a trampy afterlife

Look at the situation - I'm on my arse,
I can't live a trampy life, I was raised middle-class.
But I gotta be down with the hobos,
Nightly television watching in Dixons windows.
I used to spend evenings shovelling coke in my face
Now there's a whole different meaning to the daily rat race.
In my cardboard house, chasing my pet mouse
Putting cheese in my pants to help me get aroused.
Starvation could happen soon - any day,
I'm eating 6 month-old dog food, what can I say?
I'm twenty-three now, will I live to see twenty-four,
The way things is going I don't know.

Tell me why are they
So blasé
About the tramps they see
Every day?
Pissed, skint, kicked out by my wife
I'm heading for a trampy afterlife.
Pissed, skint, kicked out by my wife
I'm heading for a trampy afterlife.

Fast food in the garbage, garbage in the fast food,
I'm scrambling through the rubbish, but you don't have to be so rude,
Everybody's seeing, but half of them ain't looking
I just need one pound fifty
To get some decent cooking.
They say to "get a job"
But nobody's here recruiting.
If they won't try to help, do they have to stick the boot in?
I guess they can't,
I guess they won't,
I guess I'm fucked,
That's why I know my life is out of luck, foo!

Pissed, skint, kicked out by my wife
I'm heading for a trampy afterlife.
Pissed, skint, kicked out by my wife
I'm heading for a trampy afterlife.
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:46, closed)

Hahaha
I can see this being a big hit...
( snee held his breath since, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 9:50, closed)

I'd buy that for a dollar!

(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:02, closed)