I entered an all night Co-op in Edinburgh...
...and there was a dishevelled, smelly old boy in there. Quite clearly off his tits on Buckfast, maybe glue and probably other stuff too. No idea what he was looking for, but he went round the asiles like he was in a pinball machine, bouncing off a wall only to collide with a set of shelves, staggering away from that to bash into the next 'obstacle'... you get the idea.

As he navigated through the shop, he growled, barked, muttered and cursed incoherently. The Asian lads behind the counter were looking pretty alarmed as his behaviour and free-form vocalisations became increasingly bonkers. I was starting to get a bit worried myself, and I've looked after violent, criminal psychopaths.

At last the old geezer spots what he was looking for - I can't remember exactly, but something innocuous like a tin of soup and half litre of milk - headed for the counter too fast, triped over his own feet, and smashed to the ground. 'Fuck, that must hurt', I thought to myself. But undaunted, he got up, threw some change onto the counter, waited for them to sort it all out and give him some back, and with an elaborate wave and a'cheers pal', he went off into the night.

You could almost taste the relief from the Asian lads. I finished my shopping and wandered over to the counter. The door bangs open. He's back! Looking scarier and madder than ever!

"My keys!" he shouts, "where the fuck are my car keys?"

I nearly pissed myself laughing.

_{When he'd gone.}
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 0:10, Reply)