rejection by tramp!
a few months ago, we were all out in london, helping my friend fliss get drunk enough to forget that it was a rather majorly depressing birthday number. fliss had just started seeing a new man, a very gorgey but silent and rather repressed swede. fliss was pretty keen, but she complained to us all the time that, whatever she did, the swedish robot remained incommunicado and non-tactile.

so at the end of the evening, we all staggered to covent garden tube. lots of people were pissed enough to buy hotdogs from the ebola shack outside the station. it was not a good look. people were smothered in mustard, ketchup and gurning away with mouths full of pigeon-meat. apart from the swede, who looked as if he had precision cut his hotdog with a protractor and scalpel.

when we got to the platform, there was a tramp sprawled out, holding up a card that said "HUNGRY". he had a rather weary-looking dog with him, which turned giant brown supplicating eyes on us. fliss decided that that the right thing to do, was to give the dog her sausage. now, arguably it's rude enough to feed someone's dog whilst ignoring the owner. but it's a damn sight ruder when you are drunk enough to think that catching your (appalled) boyfriend's eye whilst "seductively" sliding the sausage in and out of your mouth to suck off the mustard is "sexy". especially when you are plastered, and have hair and makeup everywhere.

so having performed her sausage fellatio, fliss sank theatrically to her knees and offered the sausage to the dog. which, having witnessed the same performance as the rest of us, naturally refused it. fliss tried a little harder, pressing the sausage into the poor mutt's face. the dog growled. at which point the tramp drawled possibly the worst line of rejection i've ever heard:

"please leave my dog alone. can't you see he doesn't want your sausage?"

rejected by a tramp's dog. does it get ANY lower than that?!

ps: she dumped the swede shortly afterwards in any event, when she caught him backcombing his hair over a baldpatch... and spraying it into place...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 11:47, 3 replies)

It was probably the mustard
Even if she'd licked it off, the dog would have smelled it too strongly - therefore was put off.
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:33, closed)

so the brazen attitiude of Ms Swipe...
continues to cause outrage and offence.

when will this young woman either expose her self as a mosterous fabricator or simply supply the required photographic evidence of her exposed bosom so that we might put the whole sorry affair to bed and consider our actions.

repeatedly.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 22:37, closed)

Ha Ha!
That sort of rejection sound harsh. I hope you reminded her of it when she was sober.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 12:46, closed)