Staff Sergeant Twat
In a well known Signals Regt in Germany (Oh, all right, it was the 7th) my Staff Sergeant was not a well liked person, he was universally disliked and avoided by one and all (He had a genuinely lovely wife though).
Even his fellow NCOs would walk the other way and slowly shake their heads when exposed to his vindictive twatery.
A few examples
1) On Fridays all troops would knock-off at lunch time, but not us. No, we had to clean out the sheds every week even though by lunch time they were tidier and cleaner than a newly built Hospital that had been firehosed with bleach. This won him no friends.
2) Block inspections twice a day for 2 months, in a working Regt this is considered not nice. This won him no friends.
3) Being deployed on Ops can be unpleasant at times so it's up to everyone to make sure everyone's chin is firmly up. There's no need for bed inspections twice a day, or unnecessary night time guard duties and other general twatery. This won him no friends. In fact he got himself beaten over the head with a heavy duty plastic Jerrycan one night and was advised to change his attitude. It didn't work.

But the twattery became quite personal when I decided to leave and Staff Sergeant Twat decided to make my last day a little bit special.
It was a Friday and I was going to be catching a lift with a mate that evening taking all my kit with me, so would this be a relaxing day with my work colleagues and a chance to sort out any last minute admin? I think you can guess.
Staff Sergeant Twat had persuaded his superior that a morning CFT (Combat Fitness Test) for the whole squadron would be just the ticket, the idiot was also happy to inform anyone that would listen that he had arranged the whole thing for my benefit. Nice...
So we kit up and set off out the Barracks gate and head towards German countryside. At a 100 yards down the road, for some unknown reason, my leg started playing up. Who would have thought?
I went "Oooo! Aaagh! My leg! Sorry chaps, I just can't continue!"
A very nice Cpl says "Ah, Spango, sorry to hear that. Best get yourself in the Jack-Wagon"
So I climbed into the Jack-Wagon (Landrover) that kept pace with the squadron to cheers and clapping from my mates in the Troop. Staff Sergeant Twat was not smiling though, but perhaps he was concentrating on tabbing with his bergen, helmet, webbing and rifle, bless him.

I thought that was it, but no. Silly me.

After everyone in the Troop had got themselves cleaned up, Staff Sergeant Twat announced (all the while looking and grinning at me) that it was time we all had a spot of NBC training in the Gas chamber. The afternoon of my final day found me in a CS gas filled Chamber carrying out all the usual drills that they require, including how to shit and piss, have a drink, change filter etc. All stuff that is going to get CS gas residue well and truly stuck to you. It burns you know, especially when exposed to warm damp areas. Showers are a no-no for a good few hours.
Unfortunately I didn't get time to really say goodbye to my mates as we had to catch the ferry. We stank of CS as we drove home, and this is probably why the French customs took an interest in us and decided to have a good look in my kit and the car. Luckily no plastic gloves were needed.

Length? Should have been 6 miles but I jacked it after 100 yards.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:44, 19 replies)

aaargh no, a staff sergeant who instilled discipline and beasted you on your last day??
what a terrible thing, i'm sure thats not what the army was for at all
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:53, closed)

There's discipline (certainly no stranger to that)
And then there's fucking people around for his own amusement.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:01, closed)

which is the point of being a higher rank anyway
what was he supposed to do? let you all sit around doing fuck all every day on taxpayers money? let you leave without some sort of goodbye? as far as i'm aware lots of places have a forfeit for leaving
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:14, closed)

(Sigh) You just don't get it, do you?
Nevermind, you just stick with your Daily Mail, mate.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:26, closed)

Just out of curiosity
It being your last day, he decided to givie you shit. Understood.

But then it being your last day, what stopped you from smacking the fucker in the face as you left?
(username failed moderation, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:30, closed)

because spango is a whiney girlchild

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:31, closed)

Sounding a bit
pouty there yourself, queynte.
(username failed moderation, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:34, closed)

i'm just bored and like stirring

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:36, closed)

Clearly
Do yourself a favour, take five and grab a brew. No harms been done.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:40, closed)

DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:41, closed)

Suck my big hairy.....
No, perhaps not.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:44, closed)

It was tempting to have a pop.
But then I could be charged and find myself in jail (don't know whether it would be on camp of glasshouse). Perhaps that's what he wanted?
To be honest, the whole incident became mildly famous in the Regt and I still have mates from those days who will bring the matter up.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:43, closed)

Should have gone round and banged
his Mrs then.
(username failed moderation, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:47, closed)

Oooo. Now, hmm, yes.
She was a bit cute, would have been rather satisfying in many ways.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:50, closed)

Stuck me in a wetsuit to dry out in the sun
And fed me pet food, Kit-E-Kat and Chum

Stand up and beg said Sergeant Kirby
Lay down, play dead for Di and Fergie
Roll up, roll up goes the revielle
Abuse the bugle boy of Company B
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 15:23, closed)

The coldest steam guards of them all...
I know what album will be keeping me insulated from the disgusting masses on the journey home now.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 16:47, closed)

Fuck
Now I'm going to have to search through the cd piles!
Fuck!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 18 Apr 2012, 21:57, closed)

Tsk, I trust you found a bottle of man the fuck up and grow a pair pills back in Blighty.
(polar69, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 16:40, closed)

Interesting. How did I not man the fuck up?
I did my time, I did everything that was asked of me.
The guy was unpleasant and somewhat sadistic on my last day, I'm not really worried about it, I don't wake screaming in the night about how I was subjected to a CFT.
It's supposed to be an amusing story on the subject of Twats.
That's all. Nothing clever about it. Just that.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 17:14, closed)