This scared me a lot – I started seeing a girl some years back ...
She was really quite a looker. A lot of my work then involved home visits, which is how we'd met (bit unethical, but hey ho) Anyway, despite my best efforts we just didn't seem to be getting anywhere, i.e. to bed.

One night I called round at hers after arranging a date, thinking "Tonight is all about the love," and sure enough she answered the door in this hellish sexy dress – almost neglige. I went in and began to make myself comfortable, but she started suddenly acting a bit weird – really hot and cold, which was odd cos she was normally a consistently nice, quiet woman.

Eventually she dragged my-very-surprised-self into the bedroom, jumped on me, and we just started making out passionately. But then – and this is where it gets really freaky – I noticed that she was fucking FLOATING about a foot off the bed and growling "Are you the keymaster?" and Rick fucking Moranis burst through the door being chased by a demon dog and a giant fucking Stay Puft Marshmallow Man destroyed the whole fucking city!

*apologises profusely, leaves*
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 14:44, 2 replies)

top marks
brilliant
(ali_bongo, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 15:39, closed)

Well
I think I may have seen this story in a documentary or something, yeah, that's it.

I got some good advice from the same show (was it Panorama????) - don't cross the streams. I make sure this never happens when spit-roasting a young (or not so young) lady and it gets to "Basting time" - I always stay at the opposite end from the other chap, just to be sure.
(Rsoles, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 16:02, closed)