Best man
I was best man. I had a killer speech. Never got to use it.

Wedding got cancelled day before actual day due to bride and groom realising at that particular minute that they fucking despised each other. Cue relatives from America, Australia etc waiting around at church anyway because they were in transit whilst it all fell apart. Cue a 'rebranding' excercise worthy of Immac/Veet or Marathon/Snickers proportions. The day would become Father of The Groom's 70th Birthday party. Every thing went ahead as planned bar the actual wedding bits - the church, speeches, toasts blah blah.

The reception consisted mainly of people asking me what was really happening and me lying to them all (I wasn't allowed to tell them why). People muttering barely disguised death threats about the bride - where the majority of the blame fell. We all got pissed though and I saw the brides tits when she bent down. Personally, calling it all off seemed a good idea. Lets face it, they weren't going to get better.

The evening ended rather excitingly with the arrest of the groom. The Hertfordshire Police hate it when people threaten to throw themselves off a bridge over the M25 and they really hate closing 2 junctions in both directions to get him down.

The honeymoon, bizarrely, still happened - now of course rebranded a "holiday".

Total cost of one non-wedding? Twenty fucking seven fucking thousand pounds or as the groom calls it a "remortgage".

He now spends as much time as humanly possible shagging lots of women. Star.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 15 Jul 2005, 12:31, Reply)