I started a fantastic project to build a robot to serve all my needs.
It all started about 9 years ago - I was living on my own and wanted something to deal with the mundane, everyday things so that I could spend my time partying and getting into japes with friends and alcohol. Being an inventive sort of chap I realised that, as it was now the 21st century, it should be possible to create something that would take some of the pressure of running a house out of my life.

The first step, as ever, was to work out what I wanted it to do and what it would look like. It had to be efficient and required little maintenance (after all, I wanted to be out a lot more!) but also something good to look at in case my friends or family saw it. I decided that it would be impossible to get it to do ALL the jobs so I limited it to sorting the washing out, hoovering and general entertainment. I also wanted it to look a little feminine, cos I'm a bit freaky like that. You too, right? Good.

I started to look around for the things I needed and soon found a chassis upon which to start my work. It took several weeks of hard work and late nights before I decided that it was perfect for my needs and it was going to stay with me as the basis of my development program, My friends and family were all really keen so far, so that was good, and lent their full approval. She was called Emma and she looked great!

I had the usual messages from everybody as you'd expect - congratulations on your marriage, etc - and the project went on! Programming could begin in earnest!

At first, everything went well - the commands went in and the robot did pretty much as it was told - although it never seemed to be able to lift anything heavy and wouldn't work at all if it was raining. Now don't get me wrong! I'd never leave it out in the rain, but I wasn't going to carry it to the car to take it out! I couldn't get around the problem for ages so in the end I just got a large padded jacket for it and that did the trick. I'd work on the problem properly later.

The development went on - I won't bore you with all of it!

After a couple of years of routinely doing the odd jobs it was entrusted with, the robot started acting up. I kind of expected it as I'd neglected it a bit as I was going out to friends houses etc. A long weekend servicing it did the trick, though.

The servicing seemed to have been forgotten after a few weeks! Aaaarrgh!! Nothing I could do could make it do as I wanted. I tried pushing buttons, throwing things, shouting at it - all to no avail. It would just sit there, making whining noises and not getting the work done. I thought about powering it down completely but chickened out in case it didn't come back on or lost all of its programs. I tried everything I could think of, but with only occasional success.

I must admit that at about this time I admitted defeat and lost interest in the project. I thought when I started I could take on the world with my project at my side, but it wasn't to be. What was supposed to make my life happier and more bearable just made me angry and frustrated. In the end, I just went out more and left the robot sat in the corner of the lounge. It was still very nice to look at.

So that's my epic failure - 9 years on and I've got to do my own washing, own cleaning and hoovering. And, to add insult to injury, she's divorcing me!
(downhill without brakes . It was the worst day of my life, Thu 3 Dec 2009, 18:42, Reply)