The Worst Journey in the WorldAspley Cherry Garrard was the youngest member of the Scott Polar Expedition when he and two others lost their tent to the winds of a night-time snowstorm. They spent hours in temperatures below -70°F stumbling about the ice floes hoping they'd bump into it as it was their only hope of survival.
OK, so that was bad, but we reckon you've had worse. We know how hard you lot are.
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chthonic, Thu 7 Sep 2006, 12:40)
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Don't get on the 140 bus if you can possibly avoid itOne of the worst journeys of my life took only about ten minutes. The 140 goes from Hayes (not the nicest area in the world) to Harrow (also not the nicest area in the world).
Boarding the 140 seemed like such a good idea at the time, until I made my way up to the top deck and realised that the sea of hoodies and big white trainers stretched out before me represented very bad news.
Directly to my right, a man in a hoodie sprawled across two seats groaned incomprehensibly. A fat girl in a nasty pink velour tracksuit (n.b. girls - JLo can get away with it - you can’t, especially if you‘ve had a few too many Big Macs) sat behind him, stroking his shaved head.
Tracksuit Girl: You awright, Si?
Si: Ngggrrh
Tracksuit Girl: You awright?
Si: Bleernnnggg fahk off
Tracksuit girl: Si? You awright?
Si: *Spits onto the aisle just next to me*
Meanwhile, at the back of the bus, a group of twenty something pillars of the community seemed to be having a reasonably normal conversation, were it not for the insertion of the word “fuck” at every available opportunity.
Fahkin four nil
No fahkin way
It were fakhin arf time, right
Fahk off
At the front of the bus, a somewhat agitated gentleman on a mobile phone:
You fahkin bitch! You fahkin lying whore!
Calm for a few moments….and then just when I thought he‘d shut up…..
You fahkin bitch!
Meanwhile, Si was beginning to look a little worse for wear. He had spat several times now, but this did not seem to be improving his condition.
Si: Eeerrggh
Tracksuit Girl: You awright, Si?
Si’s Mate: Ere Si, you fancy a pint? Ha ha!
Si: Nnnnnnggghhh
Tracksuit Girl: Shut up! You awright, Si?
You fahkin bitch!
It were fakhin three in the morning
Fahkin we were fahking hammered
Fahkin referee
Fakhin wanker
Si’s Mate: No, Si!
Tracksuit Girl: No, Si, not here!
Si: BLEEARGH!
Si vomited pathetically over his Nikes.
Mercifully this was just before my stop...
(, Thu 7 Sep 2006, 14:07, Reply)
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