The 'not even wrong trousers' might be an urban myth...
...but this one isn't. 100% fact and happened about 18 months ago.

I know this bloke. Sensitive, intelligent, managerial type (1 out of 3 anyway). Like many blokes, strangely fascinated with the workings of his own bottom, and quite happy to regale people with far too much information down the pub.

Said bloke (let's call him Dave) goes home on the train from Waterloo to visit his parents. Some way into the journey he realises he needs a visit to the little boy's room. Urgently. Minces up the aisle, just makes it to the tiny wee-splashed cubicle in time, trousers and pants down, on loo, releases earth-spattering rear end expulsions.

Reaches out for loo roll.

There isn't any.

He's in a state which doesn't allow for non-wiping of bottom, so he has a little think.

Dave takes off his trousers and pants.

Uses his pants to wipe off the oozy stuff from his back end. Washes his hands. I'm assuming he rinsed his pants a bit though to be honest he never said as much to me. Puts pooey pants in his bag...

...and hands them to his mum at the other end of the trip, so she can make them all clean again.

And tells me (and probably several other people) all about it later on. Not really a bad journey for me, but listening to him at that point was a trip I really didn't want to be on.

I don't really talk to Dave any more.
(cisco, Wed 13 Sep 2006, 21:22, Reply)