Well after the sad turnout
to my International Run While Taking a Shit Day, I'd like to announce that while I was prohibited from competing by being a the judge, I did actually come home from work and had to do that kind of clenching-waddle thing down the hall.

I don't know if any of you have ever done the clench-cause-I-have-to-poo thing, and suddenly need to step over an unexpected cat, but I certainly was not expecting this to be a hurdling event!

IT WAS A GOOD SHIT! The bathroom was still clean, as were my pants! FEAR MY FUCKING SKILLS, BITCHES!
( Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 5 Dec 2006, 5:41, archived)

You also just missed the opportunity to crap on your cat.

( Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 5:47, archived)

I'd have had to jiggle it down the leg of my trousers!
She's much too fast for that! I can barely spray her with a garden hose most of the time!

I'm not a big fan of a big, shitty skid-mark down my leg, and then kicking a turd across the room for my wife to clean up later.

/edit: Honestly, I'm trying to picture the slightly puzzled expression on her face when she comes home and finds a human-sized turd that has tumbled across the carpet, and lays drooping against the baseboard. I may have giggled at this.

/edit2: I know ballerinas can do it while barely soiling their pants at a full spin (honestly! I've seen them shit the entire audience and the scrambling sound guy!), but I'm no ballerina!
( Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 5 Dec 2006, 5:49, archived)

Heh.
 
One of my cats is on mild laxatives (bowel cancer or something, not sure yet) so every so often he'll inadvertently curl out a little one on my lap.
Fortunately not the wet, smeary variety.
( Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 6:18, archived)