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Yesterday I went to buy the wife a cake for her birthday and the store had no eftpos, so I had to use an ATM across the arcade out the front of a Subway shop.
As I walked up to the ATM and stood behind the gentleman using the ATM an old bird ('bout 60-70) was walking out of Subway. The gentleman finished his transaction and I walked up and swiped my card. Cue Old bird stepping up to me and abruptly saying "EXCUSE ME! But I think you will find that I was here first!" (she most vertainly was not)
"Wha!?" I said "I thought you were walking out the shop as I came up, but if you are that desperate, feel free to use the ATM before me as my card did not register"
"I was here first!"
The old bird (now old cunt) slides infornt of me with a hint of a grunt and withdrew about $300.00AUD. As she turned back around to give me "The Evil Eye" one more time I just said calmly: "Right, now you can give me all your money."
By the look on her face I swear she shat her pants right there on the spot. I then laughed and said "Naah, just fucking with ya love, but maybe you should put a little bit more thought into how you approach complete strangers next time."

This made my day:)
(even if I did have to quickly buy a cake and get out of there before the police arrived)

What bits of head fuckery have been keeping you lot ammused or headfucked by lately?

Oh & 'Ning you bunch of inbreeding spastics!
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 6:59, archived)
Poor old lady, I bet she was terrified.
I'm going to Milan today!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:01, archived)
Admitedly she seemed very fit for her age (cant say I could do this to a frail old bird no matter how cunty she is)
and I was sure to make the shock only last a second and let her know I was joking straight away.

Q: How do you get an old lady to say cunt?

A: Get her to rudely manipulate her way infront of me at an ATM.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:04, archived)
i like this
a lot. 'NING

temperature results 09/11/07 AM
----------------------------------------------

having exhausted probing options on my own body I have moved to testing items on or around my desk.

water out the cooler: 7.6C
fresh coffee: 72.4C
water left on my desk: 21.9C
inside cd rom drive: 31.8C
inside 3.5" floppy drive: 31.1C
(I helped save b3ta! wupwupwup wupwupwup, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:07, archived)
Up your bum?

(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:08, archived)
Previous testing has shown
inside underpants: 35.3
under arse: 30.7C
inner ear: 35.5C

I'm guessing up my arse would be slightly higher than inner ear. I've yet to find a willing volunteer to carefully insert probe so I cannot be sure.
(I helped save b3ta! wupwupwup wupwupwup, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:11, archived)
That implies a cooling effect from the buttocks
How odd. I think science should investigate this.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:47, archived)
cats anus?

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:08, archived)
I have no cats available
but should one arrive I will test it immediately.
(I helped save b3ta! wupwupwup wupwupwup, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:12, archived)
hmmm,
how about outside vs the inside your bin then?
Any heat due to the decomposition of stuff?
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:14, archived)
the office bins have just been emptied
and any decomposing sandwich remains removed. However testing was carried out regardless.

outside bin: 24.5
inside bin: 24.3
(I helped save b3ta! wupwupwup wupwupwup, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:17, archived)
well,
Next time I need to cool down .2 degrees I shall hop in a bin.

This may just save my life one day. Thankyou.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:25, archived)
'Ning
My central heating has broken down, I'm not best pleased but trying to pretend all is well to the children until I drop them at school and can a) get it sorted or b) crumble - not sure which yet.
(I helped save b3ta! Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:39, archived)
Just set fire to all the furniture you no longer require or just dont want anymore
2 problems solved in one.

NEXT!
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:42, archived)
Good idea
can you cure my pyrophobia for me first though, please?
(I helped save b3ta! Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:43, archived)
*freezes the rest of your family to death*
Edit: in a nice way of course.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:45, archived)
i hate idiots who don't know how to queue.
a while back i was waiting to pay for some veggies at the local outdoor market and had some twit cut in line in front of me and a few others. when i told him there was a line he got snarly so i kicked him to death.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:49, archived)
I hate it when people dont know the last beer is automatically mine.
Last time this happened me and a mate ended up beating the living shit out of each other for over 1/2 an hour.
We smashed the beer in the first minute.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 7:52, archived)