you
can borrow mine.
( Jobe, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:32, archived)

aftre your confession this morning
I'm not sure she would want it
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:35, archived)

pffft.
Please someone take it. It's obvisouly no use to me!
( Jobe, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:36, archived)

I would but...
I tend to want them to work for quite a long time
so it's more like this...
www.b3ta.com/talk/438256
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:38, archived)

Normally I am fine, honest.
I am putting it down to not having done it for an age and the fact that it is the first person other than my ex i have slept with in 5 (FIVE) years.

*crosses fingers*
( Jobe, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:39, archived)

She does sound a tad insensitive to be honest.

(FluffehNinja, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:41, archived)

maybe it was pure annoyance?
I know I'd be pissed off if it was at a crucial moment...
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:44, archived)

There's always oral sex.

(FluffehNinja, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:46, archived)

yes
but some men are not happy to do this whne they are done
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:47, archived)

These men are lazy.

(FluffehNinja, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:47, archived)

Yes
Yes they are
I do also think the some of them are highly spunk fearing, they all tend to think that they might encounter some even if the condom is 100% intact and in the bin
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:49, archived)

Then they are RUBBISH.
I have no fear in this regard. Even so it is a little odd to go down there and think 'Oh, hello again you lot!'
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:04, archived)

Ick
I must admit when it starts looking like peeling apart a toasted cheese sandwich I go off it a little.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:09, archived)

heh heh heh
Brought to you by Giant Bunny, Nimble Colin and Fenrises Innapropriate share time
:)
and then tends to only happen should something go wrong with the condom
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:16, archived)

I can see your point.
spunk should be consumed fresh, if it cools down at all, it becomes gag-inducing.
(FluffehNinja, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:16, archived)

Pffft!
*imagines 'best before' date printed on side of cock*
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:28, archived)

*fw-
...actually, when you put it like that...
Re. the Tracy Emin anecdote elsewhere on this board, I nearly went out to the supermarket to get some breakfast things with dried spunk on MY face, having given her a thankyou snog after..well, you see how it could happen.
FORTUNATELY I glanced in the bathroom mirror before venturing outside.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:18, archived)

I always make sure I've washed my face and hands etc. thoroughly.
The thought of giving my daughter a kiss with spunk still on my face is very disturbing.
(FluffehNinja, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:20, archived)

It's like the classic line in Sopranos
(or some such gangster type thing) where this guy asks his mate why he always gets hookers to suck him off, when he's got a nice attractive wife, to which he answers "she kisses our kids goodnight with that mouth!"
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:25, archived)

That was
Analyse This :P
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:31, archived)

Furry muff.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:38, archived)

No.
Bad Fenris.
( Barry Chuckle III - the troll with a soul., Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:22, archived)

:D
What?!
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:25, archived)

well they are fools who should plan ahead and
finish outside the box, so to speak
( Spunkmeyer, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:47, archived)

it's saved me from embarrasment
many a time
( Spunkmeyer, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:47, archived)

Tbh if it does go off a little
early it's not like we did it on purpose. You lot have it fucking easy really - lie back and enjoy the ride.

Usually within 10 minutes you could be back on your feet and ready to go again (with hopefully considerably better results), but if you're feeling humiliated that's not so likely.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:52, archived)

have it easy?
hmmmmmmmmm
most of the men seem to insist on they lady on top nowadays
which is a lot of hard work young man
and I would go out my way (should it ever happen)to try to not be nasty
but if the guy were to just finish and roll off without any effort to help me...
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:54, archived)

You are clearly meeting the wrong sort of man

( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:57, archived)

I think it may have
something to do with the norks
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:58, archived)

Yes, definitely,
I'm always wary of a man with norks. Nothing screams "I like a lady to ride me like a pony" more than a bloke with norks.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:00, archived)

I did mean
my norks
:P
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:04, archived)

If you have them, shake them; for they are truly wonderous things

( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:06, archived)

Not when they are this big

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:11, archived)

Ha - time was that you guys were
begging to go on top as a sign of your feminist equality. And no disrespect but we generally go on top, and we can't just sit on it and shuffle about a bit. Usually you've got to try and keep your balance (hard when pissed and I can't remember the last time I had sex sober) with all your weight on your arms, while trying to maintain something of a rhythm and fondle all of the bits that you demand on being fondled.

Christ, we're lucky to get any of our bits touched other than being grabbed and stuffed in you, so don't come on all the "hard done by oppressed female" bollocks with me young lady :P

In general I'd say most a lot of women I've been with have far more orgasms per evening than I do - does that seem fair to you? No. Do we whinge about (before this point)? No.


(Edit: But fair enough about the just rolling off bit - that would be unseemly! I usually try and make sure they've had far more than their share of orgasms before it even gets to coitus anyway.)
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:58, archived)

this only shows that
I have never been fucked by you
and for the record 'just sit on it and shuffle about a bit' I fucking wish
and its also really hard to stay up there
Possibly I just really hate being on top and the fact that so many men will not take no I don't like it, Its hard and I fall over as an answer
:P
I may just go back to women
It's much easier
And yes to the orgasms before hand
this makes everything better
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:03, archived)

Back to women? *raises eyebrow just enough to signify interest in anecdotes*
But on a more serious note, don't take no for an answer, that isn't what it is about. As I said the other day, it is only fun if you are both enjoying it (except for 'surprise sex').
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:06, archived)

hahahaha
I fucked men when I was about 14 then moved on to ladies
only recently(since christmas) gone back to men
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:09, archived)

You are* my mate Stacey


*probably aren't (she is into some incredibly fucked up stuff now)
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:11, archived)

incredibly fucked up stuff ?

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:14, archived)

Hahaha :)
I like woman on top as I get the best view. It's nice to see a woman stretched up above you like the prow of a boat :D But more and more I've got into banging like a pornstar so go for those positions more now. Depends really what the girl likes. I know loads of women that love going on top. And at least one that wouldn't as she was only ickle and the depth of penetration hurt her.

Women are all different anyway. I've been with some I could bring off in under 15 seconds easily, and many many times a night, and others I feel like I've been operating heavy machinery all night just to coax one little squeak out of.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:07, archived)

You're right about the 'orgasms per person per night' ratio.
Personally I consider three a heroic effort for a bloke.
I used to play a little game with the missis i.e. seeing how many times I could make her hit the jackpot in one evening. After I scored a personal best of 42 the game began to seem a bit pointless.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:10, archived)

42?!
Did it occur to you that she was trying to tell you something along the lines of 'please, just let me sleep! You've done your job, ok?' ;)
( Spunkmeyer, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:15, archived)

The Answer to L, TU & E!
Nah, she was loving every minute...
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:20, archived)

Hahahaha
I really don't care as long as I get off
and yes I know its weird that I don't like being on top
I have never been comftable with and just find it too hard to be really enjoyable
/selfish cow
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:10, archived)

Pfft.
*pictures Fenris clutching a toolkit*
(FluffehNinja, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:11, archived)

"I've come to fix your fridge..."

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:15, archived)

Arf!
"Oh, come in Mr. topless repair man. Don't mind me, I've just had a shower. Oh! my towel fell off."
(FluffehNinja, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:18, archived)

"I haf come to fix your fotocopier, frauline"
/ ¼ German
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:20, archived)

I reckon the best position when spannered
is on the side because,

1 - you can't fall off
2 - you can both lie down. great if you are feeling sick
3- you can reach around

EDIT: I forgot to mention the 'from behind' bit.
( Spunkmeyer, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:03, archived)

I would agree with this
and yes the from behind does make life better
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:07, archived)

Yeah I love that
Spooning-sex. Great for early morning lazy rogering too.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:07, archived)

Many times this.
It doesn't have to super-energetic to be good sex - although that is undeniably fun, too.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:12, archived)

Doggy is always a winner for me.
(And I actually enjoy going on top)
(FluffehNinja, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:08, archived)

I love it too
but have given up doing that in bed, as when I'm drunk it just gets really clumsy.

Up against a wall, or better; bathroom sink with mirror in front of you both - that's ace :D
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:11, archived)

Or a nice soft rug.

(FluffehNinja, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:12, archived)

Oh yes. After a mate of mine told me
he'd shagged a girl while she was brushing her teeth...well, I could't not try it, could I?
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:13, archived)

I have never succeeded at that
It is my biggest failing to date. I don't know if I'm built wrong or something but things never seem to 'line up right'. Lots of pushing and grunting and then giving up. But when we are hammered, more often than not we both fall asleep.

edit: notoriously, I once did this whilst on the job and she won't let me forget it
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:08, archived)

yeah, I know what you mean.
Can result in a lot of popping out if you get it wrong :).

Trick is to angle yourself right. Can't suggest anything more than that, because like I say, I'm usually spannered
( Spunkmeyer, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:12, archived)

What? No demonstration?
I demand a refund!

I hardly drink any more so this doesn't apply to me that often. What surprised me is that I don't find that I feel self conscious when we try all sorts of new stuff like tying up and bizarre new places without being drunk.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:16, archived)

This can only be a good thing
someone that is too shy about sex/trying new things/too self concious can be very off putting
you spend more time worrying about them than having fun and you know that they are too worried to be having fun
so it all becomes a bit pointless
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:22, archived)

I agree it is good, I just surprised myself.
By and large I am a fairly quiet person and prone to being a bit shy; an effect I expected to be amplified by removing all my clothes in front of someone. It turns out that it is quite the opposite, I don't get self conscious at all so it is a good thing all round. And light bondage is ace.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:25, archived)

Aye it is
I'd recommend (to whatever degree you're comfortable with):

Eroto-asphyxiation (definitely this)
Candle wax
Blindfolds

My old g/f and I used to get a little carried away with a few things (cutting/power play etc) but it was all good :)
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:41, archived)

please stop
trying really hard not to think about things like this
*gnaws desk somemore*
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:43, archived)

Blindfolds are good,
candelwax is in plentiful supply but I don't think she would be up for it and eroto-asphyxiation sounds interesting but she might not want to try that either.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:46, archived)

I couldn't agree more on the last point!
Kind of an insurance policy against any premature mishaps when shagging commences.

Plus I prefer the whole foreplay malarky
( Spunkmeyer, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:10, archived)

Yes
and I do belive that men would not appreciate being told that no foreplay at all mean that no matter what they do later
I'm just not going to finish
where as with forplay I'm likely to orgasm then
and later
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:18, archived)

perhaps we really should get married!

( Spunkmeyer, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 12:30, archived)

I usually last a long time,
but that's because I am absolutely shit faced when I happen to get sex nowadays, hence I can't feel a bloody thing.

To be fair, they probably don't either, so it's a pretty pointless, grinding ordeal where sleep would be preferable :)
( Spunkmeyer, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:44, archived)

marry me

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:47, archived)

ah, go on then!
you can always divorce me in the morning.
( Spunkmeyer, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:49, archived)

Hurrah!

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:55, archived)

or anyone else,
it would seem ;)
( Spunkmeyer, Fri 8 Apr 2005, 11:38, archived)