Profile for HornO:
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- a member for 20 years, 8 months and 1 day
- has posted 46 messages on the main board
- (of which 1 have appeared on the front page)
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- has posted 15 stories and 1 replies on question of the week
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Recent front page messages:
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» Job Interviews
Think first, then speak!
I’d been called back for a 3rd interview and was feeling a bit cocky, I’d all but been given the job in the 2nd so the last thing was to meet my future boss and see how we get on.
We meet and things are going great, we’re really just chatting. He’s a large guy but pretty cool and a good laugh, half way through he offers to take me out for a nice Costa coffee. On the way there he tells me that for some reason he just loves the large warm milks with hazelnut syrup’s but says ‘I’m not sure I should have another one, I’ve had 2 large ones already today, one more and I’ll probably…’
‘Lactate?’ I add
bugger!
(Fri 21st Jan 2005, 12:44, More)
Think first, then speak!
I’d been called back for a 3rd interview and was feeling a bit cocky, I’d all but been given the job in the 2nd so the last thing was to meet my future boss and see how we get on.
We meet and things are going great, we’re really just chatting. He’s a large guy but pretty cool and a good laugh, half way through he offers to take me out for a nice Costa coffee. On the way there he tells me that for some reason he just loves the large warm milks with hazelnut syrup’s but says ‘I’m not sure I should have another one, I’ve had 2 large ones already today, one more and I’ll probably…’
‘Lactate?’ I add
bugger!
(Fri 21st Jan 2005, 12:44, More)
» Clients Are Stupid
Some people weren't meant to own things with buttons
I used to work in a computer shop, this older couple bought a PC and all was good for about 2 days, then we started getting calls. Now usually we aren't meant to help, we had a helpline they called and they sorted out any problems. However we were nice, so we helped out even to the point were we went to their home to help them fix something. In the process we find out that their 'friend' has been helping them out by slowly screwing everything up with the PC under the guise of 'making it run better'. One of the first things we notice when we have a bitch of a time getting the machine to boot is sitting in the run command is 'msconfig' which there 'friend' had been using to 'help' them. We also find that he's installed AOL and Freeserve onto the machine and so it's easier for us for re-install and tell them not to let their friend help anymore.
2 days later the man and his wife turn back up at the store with the PC complaining that after we'd got it working again that their 'friend' had to re-do all his hard work to get things back to how he had them and now the machine wouldn't boot.
I gave the the refund for a hassle free life but as the woman left she put the boot in and told us that we didn't know anything about PC's. I promptly ran to the door after her and shouted 'in future if you want to join the twentieth century then may a suggest an etch-a-sketch and working you way up!'
an IQ test and neutering program wouldn't be a bad idea I swear!
(Mon 29th Dec 2003, 0:19, More)
Some people weren't meant to own things with buttons
I used to work in a computer shop, this older couple bought a PC and all was good for about 2 days, then we started getting calls. Now usually we aren't meant to help, we had a helpline they called and they sorted out any problems. However we were nice, so we helped out even to the point were we went to their home to help them fix something. In the process we find out that their 'friend' has been helping them out by slowly screwing everything up with the PC under the guise of 'making it run better'. One of the first things we notice when we have a bitch of a time getting the machine to boot is sitting in the run command is 'msconfig' which there 'friend' had been using to 'help' them. We also find that he's installed AOL and Freeserve onto the machine and so it's easier for us for re-install and tell them not to let their friend help anymore.
2 days later the man and his wife turn back up at the store with the PC complaining that after we'd got it working again that their 'friend' had to re-do all his hard work to get things back to how he had them and now the machine wouldn't boot.
I gave the the refund for a hassle free life but as the woman left she put the boot in and told us that we didn't know anything about PC's. I promptly ran to the door after her and shouted 'in future if you want to join the twentieth century then may a suggest an etch-a-sketch and working you way up!'
an IQ test and neutering program wouldn't be a bad idea I swear!
(Mon 29th Dec 2003, 0:19, More)
» Heckles
Manic Street Preacher
I was at a gig in London when I notice that my friend is standing next to James Dean Bradfield at the bar.
Since the Manics sold out big style after 'The Holy Bible' I stood next to my friend and said loudly 'everyone wonders what happened to Richie but look at him, I think he ate him!'
My friend realises what I've done and quickly drags me away.
No idea if he said anything back or heard but I like to think he cried a little at night before purging himself thin.
(Thu 6th Apr 2006, 19:47, More)
Manic Street Preacher
I was at a gig in London when I notice that my friend is standing next to James Dean Bradfield at the bar.
Since the Manics sold out big style after 'The Holy Bible' I stood next to my friend and said loudly 'everyone wonders what happened to Richie but look at him, I think he ate him!'
My friend realises what I've done and quickly drags me away.
No idea if he said anything back or heard but I like to think he cried a little at night before purging himself thin.
(Thu 6th Apr 2006, 19:47, More)
» Best Comebacks
Taxi Fun
I was in the queue for a taxi late one night, finished work much later than I should have and was in a foul mood. Behind me a women talking loudly on her mobile starts to walk up and down the side of the queue while chatting. The girls in front of me get into a taxi and as the next one pulls up she makes a move for it. I get my hand to the door handle first but she has the back of the handle, she looks at me in disgust:
‘I was actually before those girls!’ she lies to me
I take a moment to look at her and then out of nowhere say:
‘There are 2 certainties in life, 1 is that people die and the other is that I’m getting into this taxi the order in which these things happen is up to you’
She takes her hand from the door and stares at me.
I get in the taxi and go home.
I'm usually a nice person :)
(Fri 30th Apr 2004, 12:38, More)
Taxi Fun
I was in the queue for a taxi late one night, finished work much later than I should have and was in a foul mood. Behind me a women talking loudly on her mobile starts to walk up and down the side of the queue while chatting. The girls in front of me get into a taxi and as the next one pulls up she makes a move for it. I get my hand to the door handle first but she has the back of the handle, she looks at me in disgust:
‘I was actually before those girls!’ she lies to me
I take a moment to look at her and then out of nowhere say:
‘There are 2 certainties in life, 1 is that people die and the other is that I’m getting into this taxi the order in which these things happen is up to you’
She takes her hand from the door and stares at me.
I get in the taxi and go home.
I'm usually a nice person :)
(Fri 30th Apr 2004, 12:38, More)
» Local Nutters
Cat Man
Around the streets where I live you'll often see Cat Man, sometimes he'll be dragging his feline about on a leash other times he'll be discussing with it which food to buy at the local supermarket.
Ahh a sad old man that loves his cat I hear you say, but no he's quiet mad and legend says that on demand he will show you that his cat can write....
When we were younger we stopped him one day and sniggering asked to see his cat write. All we were expecting was a torrent of abuse from the old man with possibly some mad fist waving thrown in for good measure.
Instead he showed us!
Holding the pen to the bottom of the cat's paw with complete sincerity he wrote 'Mr Cat' on a piece of paper.
Suddenly this wasn't as funny as we thought and the situation was rapidly getting 'weird' the breaking point was when he went into everything his cat could do and that not only could it write but it was ambidextrous, we quickly left as he started writing with the cat's other paw.
(Fri 17th Sep 2004, 11:52, More)
Cat Man
Around the streets where I live you'll often see Cat Man, sometimes he'll be dragging his feline about on a leash other times he'll be discussing with it which food to buy at the local supermarket.
Ahh a sad old man that loves his cat I hear you say, but no he's quiet mad and legend says that on demand he will show you that his cat can write....
When we were younger we stopped him one day and sniggering asked to see his cat write. All we were expecting was a torrent of abuse from the old man with possibly some mad fist waving thrown in for good measure.
Instead he showed us!
Holding the pen to the bottom of the cat's paw with complete sincerity he wrote 'Mr Cat' on a piece of paper.
Suddenly this wasn't as funny as we thought and the situation was rapidly getting 'weird' the breaking point was when he went into everything his cat could do and that not only could it write but it was ambidextrous, we quickly left as he started writing with the cat's other paw.
(Fri 17th Sep 2004, 11:52, More)