» Shit Stories

The first time I met my girlfriend's parents...
I realised I needed to go to the loo. I politely excused myself and made my way to the bathroom. Needless to say, I did an unfurtunately large turd that refused to flush away, the brush wouldn't even help. I had to scuttled downstairs and get my girlfriend to fetch the Marigolds (all without the parents noticing...even though in the same room at this point!). This got the interest of her little brother going, so it ended up with all 3 of us in the bathroom, me trying to push the stuborn log around the S-bend, just as I reached too far and the rubber glove dipped below the "water" level, thus filling up, the mother banged on the door to ask what we were doing..."Nothing!" we all replied in unison.
I seem to remember spending the rest of the tea-drinking awkward evening chatting with the folks thinking only of the tainted rubber glove hidden in my pocket.
(Wed 5th May 2004, 23:33, More)

» Job Interviews

Arty wankers
Many years ago I tried to get into Bournemouth art college. I'd heard they (photography) had a bit of a reputation....First the balding grey pony-tailed tosser of a lecturer asked everyone in the room where they were from, everyone was from London or essex, when he heard I was from Yorkshire he said "Right we'll do you first since you've got the furthest to go back". During the interview I showed him my portfolio, as I'd been working for the last 6 years, I had some brochures in there too...on seeing these he said "Don't you think you're prostituting the art form?" What a tnuc!

I later heard that he interviewed someone via a Sooty puppet, which would whisper in his ear, and he would translate "Sooty thinks your work is shit"

Chances are he continues to be a very sad, bitter and lonely man - hopefully.

I meanwhile got into their rival college!
(Wed 26th Jan 2005, 16:13, More)