» Oldies vs Computers

Dumb Polish punter
I don't think that he was dumb because he was Polish, but he WAS dumb. I was answering a call at our other site, a good 20 minute walk away. I was going there because i'd received this call. "Hello, my mouse is the wrong way round, can you fix it". Now, rather than try and talk the punter through the hideous complexities of changing the right and left click order of his mouse in the control panel i thought i'd go and do it for him. I arrived and began to fix the problem, but was dismayed to see that the left and right clicks were in their normal place. I asked the punter about this and he said.."Oh no, the clicks are fine...but look the mouse is on the wrong side.". The mouse was on the left hand side of his keyboard and he wanted it on the right. I picked it up and put it on the other side. He said "Thank You". I stared dumbfounded. He was using a laptop too. What kind of pillock do you have to be to call IT to move your mouse from one side of your laptop to the other? I left the helpdesk that week and have never been back.
(Fri 22nd Sep 2006, 17:19, More)

» Spoilt Brats

Not really spoilt as such....
but she was definitely too posh for her own good. The first conversation i had with a female at university went like this.

Me: "I grew up on an estate"
Her: "Oh really? Whose?"
(Mon 13th Oct 2008, 18:04, More)

» Terrible Parenting

Tesco - Hastings
I once saw a woman casually watching her 4 or 5yr old son do a shit next to a pallette of sugar in Tesco in Hastings. I have not been back to Hastings since. Or Tesco.
(Fri 17th Aug 2007, 12:16, More)

» My Worst Date

Not really a date as such...
Me and my girlfriend would often go to each other's homes after school, to take advantage of the magic hour between school kicking out and either of our parents getting home from work. Plenty of frotting gave way, over time, to heavier petting until finally, one day i was lying prone on the bed in her spare room, while my girlfriend enthusiastically gobbed me off. The next bit seemed to happen in slow motion. The door swung open silently and i found myself looking straight into the eyes of her father. He looked at me , looked at his busy daughter, looked at me again and then quietly closed the door again.

He never mentioned it to me and (to my credit) i never mentioned it to his daughter. By Christ she deserved to be told though, the three-timing little bitch.
(Mon 25th Oct 2004, 15:11, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

Cup of Tea variant
When i was about 14 i got up at 2am to celebrate the start of the fishing season. After a full days fishing down the canal i returned home. I was absolutley knackered and went to bed. The next thing i know is, it's morning so down i go for breakfast. My mum and my sister are pissing themselves at me and won't tell me why. Eventually they tell me that my sister went into my bedroom to fetch a book and found me asleep on my bed, fully erect cock in hand. She fetched my mum, who took off the rest of my clothes and put me to bed. They NEVER ever let me forget about the time i "wanked myself unconscious".
(Wed 2nd Jun 2004, 15:52, More)