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Profile for Linbox:
Profile Info:

Facts* about me:

Sex : Male
Nationality : Brit(ish)
Born : At an early age, in Liverpoolcestershire.
Home : Leafy 'ampshire.
Status : Married with three brats loverly kids (one of each)
Special skills : Black belt in origami


* May contains traces of lie


Anything to declare:

Have been a semi-regular lurker in these parts for a while, but finally got around to doing something about it in April'04.

My shopping skills are coming on in leaps and bounds, but still (sadly) not a patch on what half of b3tans are capable of. *sigh*


Super Secret Borked Saturday Club:



Favourite self-posts:

Grange Hill Humour



Stupid joke



Vicious Circle


D I V E !!


Recent front page messages:

New Logo


I claim this FP on behalf of the SSBSC - yay! and Ta!

Explainio : During a chunk of Saturday 5-June-2004, www.b3ta.com was unavailable. Quite a few people managed to find the IP Address and carried on with a most lovely, friendly and it has to be say, odd day. These people are the SSBSC - Super Secret Borked Saturday Club - and proudly proclaim their membership in their profiles.
(Sat 5th Jun 2004, 20:56, More)

Subtle Monday Post

(Mon 3rd May 2004, 12:49, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Devastating Put-Downs

Bob & Brian
My mate, Bob, was stood outside a London hostelry one evening when who should walk by on the other side of the street, if not the legend that is Brian Blessed?

Bob, being a bit of a lad, shouts "Gordon's Alive" at the top of his voice, just as Brian disappears around the corner - to the amusement of his drinking buddies.

As the laughter died down, Brian re-appeared back around the corner and at the top of HIS voice, shouted;

"CCCCCCUUUUUUNNNNNNTTTTTTT!!!!".

Surely the best celebrity put-down?
(Fri 25th Nov 2011, 3:33, More)

» Abusing freebies

Taking teh piss
How about somebody I know who was putting a large system into a large hotel who was provided with free food and accomodation in said 5* luxury hotel for SIX MONTHS.

The only thing he had to pay for during his stay was drink & phone calls. So for 24 weeks, he drank like a fish and phoned everybody he knew including his mother-in-law in the US for hour-long chats.

The day before he checked out, he brought the server down for one last "safety check" and promptly wiped his room account at the same time...

Now *that* is abuse.
(Thu 8th Nov 2007, 15:44, More)

» Schadenfreude

pikeys
A few Christmas's ago now, I was sat in the Aldershot McDonalds having a pre-booze feedbag when four pissed-up, proper pikeys came in shouting their heads off, being total wankers, quite literally throwing their weight around. The Macky-D manager, bravely, tells them to keep the noise down and also leave the cans of Carling outside, because they don't have a drinks licence. Cue even more outraged nonsense by the pikeys until a teenager sat nearest the counter with a bunch of his mates says, "keep the noise down mate", to which the biggest, meanest looking pikey gives it "fuckin' come 'ere and say that, you short-haired cunt".

The last I saw of the pikeys, before the ambulance turned up, was of one of them being repeatedly bounced off the little spikey fence outside McDonalds, pissing blood from many orifices.

Clue to pikeys : If you're going to pick a fight with thirty members of 2-para, it's gonna take a lot more than four of you.
(Fri 18th Dec 2009, 10:13, More)

» Sticking it to The Man

Clampers
Quite a few years ago now, Mrs. Linbox popped out on Friday night to collect a Chinese takeaway and arrived home in a bit of a state because her car had been clamped. I drove up there to check it out and she had parked in an empty 100+ space carpark opposite the takeaway, which was protected by a private clamping company. I doubt the office occupants intended to prevent people from parking there at night, but the clamper wanted his pound of flesh. Sadly for him, he couldn't produce any ID, so I phoned the police and reported what looked like a giant attempted fraud. God bless 'em, but it must have been a quiet shift because Hampshire plod turned up in droves - three cars, two motorbikes and all of them with their blue lights flashing away merrily for the hour+ they were there, preventing anybody else from getting caught. They made the "operator" get his boss out of a dinner party to answer questions and produce paperwork, before having to admit defeat. After a VERY long time buggering about, I paid the fine.

And wrote down all the contact numbers from the signs in the carpark. And then found out the phone numbers for the head office of the clamping company. And then went into work Saturday morning and fed all the numbers into a computer based dialling system that phoned each number in turn every 15 seconds.

Twenty-four hours a day.

For two weeks.


Take that you fuckers!
(Thu 17th Jun 2010, 19:03, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

Norfolk Broads
My mate JW went on a two week boating holiday on the Norfolk Broads with his girlfriend, mum & dad, an auntie and both of his grandmothers. Because the interior walls of the narrowboat were paper thin, he and the gf decided to self-impose a nookie ban for fear of embarrassing all the wrinklies, but by the end of the first week, he was absolutely gagging for it.

Imagine then his delight at waking up very early Sunday morning to find the boat absolutely silent Ė woo!, yay! and hoopla! A damn good shagging ensued after which the boat was still completely silent, so they do it all over again, with a little more gusto.

After dispensing a weeks worth of baby glue, JW pops to the galley for a post-coital drink and notices, in horror, through the galley window two things;

i) His entire family sat in awkward silence on the riverbank having breakfast.

ii) The mini-tsunami of tidal waves from the bonking still hadnít settled down.


Made the second week a bit awkward.
(Wed 21st Apr 2004, 8:39, More)
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