» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

Gingerness
At the Phoenix festival, many moons ago when Chris Evans was at the height of his fame, he came and sat down by my campfire when me & my girlie were coming down off acid.

He smiled and started to speak, so I leapt to my feet and screamed "You are an unfunny ginger cunt" at the top of my voice.

He looked extremely angry since about 2000 people were watching and then he got up and stomped away.

I'm not proud of tha.... oh, wait. Yes I am.
(Fri 16th Apr 2004, 9:34, More)

» Shame

Shame
1. Leeds, c. 1995. 7 of us in a room smoking heavily and munchies are attacking. An advert for Mars Bar ice creams comes on the telly and so we instantly require their creamy goodness. I foolishly volunteer for the munchie run.

The list is endless - I stack up two baskets full of crisps, coke, chocolate etc and lay 7 Mars Bar ice creams on the top.

I am sweating with the paranoid effort. As I finally reach the front of the queue and pay for my items, I rush to the door only to hear two girls in the queue behind me and one saying to the other:

"Eyyyeeeeeww! Did you see what that fat bloke just bought?"

Cue laughter from rest of queue. I, have now dropped one of the bags and am fumbling by the exit in shame.

2. London c. 2004. A very mad warehouse party. Annie Mac of Radio 1 fame (although not at the time) is a vague acquaintance and we are chatting away merrily whilst pilled to the nines. I am holding my own comfortably, not letting my usual wit drop despite the huge quantities of MDMA pummelling my system.

Anyway, having convinced myself of my ability to communicate with other people, Annie finally looks at me and says:

"So, do you know you have been staring at my tits without a break for the last 10 minutes?"
(Fri 25th Nov 2005, 12:03, More)

» Guilty Secrets

Democracy sucks
...so I fixed an election at Leeds University so the Women's Officer that might have been of actual use to student women won, rather than the Millie Tant type who had lots of mates on the various hardcore wimmin groups.

I just double counted lots of votes - including the two recounts. Ha.

Mid-90s-ish btw and 100% trew.
(Fri 31st Aug 2007, 16:58, More)

» Well, that taught 'em

Apprentice *that* you tosser
I went to school with Alan Sugar's son, Daniel. When we were about 16 I caught him picking on some poor little kid with a bunch of his leechy mates during our school play.

As it was the last night, everyone had a stash of booze, and Daniel's was a bottle of cider which was stashed in the teacher's desk in the classroom that was doubling as a changing room. Whilst he was on stage (probably "3rd mong" in the chorus line which was about his level), I drank a bit out of the top of his cider bottle and filled it up with piss.

I then took pleasure in not only watching them all drink it in a "aren't we hard" kind of way, but also standing with the kid he'd been bullying and seeing one of his mates make an aside to another of them : "Tastes like piss dunnit?"

When I told him what I'd done, he actually didn't believe me. Priceless - confession to alleviate any guilt plus walking away scott free.
(Mon 30th Apr 2007, 12:19, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Uh huh
Erm, I could write a lot here but I'll settle for:

1. Believing that my radiator was sentient and having an eight hour conversation with it.

2. Finding that my peyote spirit guide was, in fact, the polar bear from the Foxes glacier mint advert and

3. Crying whilst looking at a blackboard as I realised that over it's 20 year lifespan it must have had millions of words of wisdom written upon it and they were now all gone... I'm welling up thinking about it again...
(Mon 19th Dec 2005, 4:11, More)