» Heckles

Lost in Translation.
This might only work if you have a keen working knowledge of Glaswegian, but anyhow...

Crap comedian Paul Tonkinson, famous only for being even shitter than Donna MacPhail on the Sunday Show is dying on his feet at a Freshers Week gig at the QMU in Glasgow. He's only doing a warm-up for Alan Parker - Urban Warrior, but it does seem to be bothering him that his quirky Mancunianisms are just not connecting with this audience.

So he starts racking his brains, trying to find some little thing that might link his act to these people, some connection, some contemporary framework for his material. The neurons in his brain grind together almost audibly as he comes up with it: Glasgow has Subway Trains, and Paul Tonkinson, Ace Comedian has a killer Undergound Joke...

So he starts to lay the foundations:
"So me Grandad was telling me about the Underground train in Glasgow: The Shoogly"

Confused silence from the autitorium.

(FYI - The old Trams in Glasgow were called 'shooglies' as they, er, shoogled about, but they'd been gone for over 40 years and anyway this was a student crowd)

"Come on - What do you guys call your Subway in Glasgow. Is it the 'Shuggly'?"

Again, silence... He's looking rather worried now.

"Come on Guys! The Shooglies. I know you've got then, What do you call your Undergound up here?"

From the back of the hall and with the comic timing so sadly lacking all evening, a lone voice barking gruff Glasgegian breaks the silence:

"TUBE!"

It was the only decent laugh of the evening and remains the greatest heckle I have ever heard in person.

(When telling this story to non-locals I sometimes change the heckle to: "TUBE! It's the Tube you fucking Tube" to help to explain the pun... Tube/Choob being local venacular for one not blessed with an abundance of intelligence)
(Mon 10th Apr 2006, 15:52, More)