» War

My dad fought in World War 2.
He would often regale us with all his old stories, a bit like Uncle Albert in Only Fools and Horses, and as I was growing up I did find them rather tedious. (I do now realise that I should have been proud of what he did, of course.)
One thing always made me laugh though. In his later years, whenever there would be a documentary on telly and Adolf Hitler would appear, my dad would always, without fail, lift up his hand, give an extravagant V-sign and blow a raspberry.
I miss him.
(Fri 1st Jun 2012, 14:56, More)

» The Great Outdoors

An apology.
I quite enjoy camping and go camping quite a lot. I understand the unwritten rules of the campsite and adhere to them to the best of my abilities. This includes respect for your fellow campers.
Anyway, I am now of that age when I, often as not, have to get up in the night to answer a call of nature. However , I am also young enough to still wake up with the occasional raging hard-on. This night, both circumstances apply and my main aim is to get to the bog as quickly and as quietly as possible. However, my tent is small and in the clumsy struggle to put on my trousers and exit the tent there is what can only be described as a cock-zip coming together. Which the zip won.
Therefore, if you were staying at the Fairgrounds campsite in Eskdale, Cumbria on the night of September 30th last year and were woken in the night by shrill Anglo-Saxon cursing, I am truly sorry.
(Sun 1st Apr 2012, 18:55, More)

» What nonsense did you believe in as a kid?

Killer bees.
Anyone old enough to remember the killer bees from South America stories? Proper shit me up, they did.
(Thu 19th Jan 2012, 21:09, More)

» Conspiracy Theories

Question of the week.
QOTW was added to B3TA to accommodate all those Betans who found /talk too intellectual.
(Sun 4th Dec 2011, 22:44, More)

» Sporting Woe

Staff vs 6th form Rugby.
Good old Birkenhead Institute.
Every year end there would be a friendly match between staff and first xv. Most of the staff regarded the game as a grand old jape, an enjoyable run around, followed by a convivial evening at local hostelry to say farewell to those pupils who were leaving. We boys felt much the same. An opportunity to get one over on the teachers, but also the thrill of going to the pub as adults and on equal terms with the grown ups.

The year I left, though, Mr Croker had other ideas.
Croker was one of the games teachers and he clearly liked the idea of winding us all up. So, before the game, as we were getting ready, Mr Croker strolls into our changing room and starts the routine.
"We'll go easy on you, lads, don't worry"
"Just let us know if we are tackling too hard"
"We will stop at 100, promise, give you a go"
"the ambulance is here"
All the old Billy Bollocks.

Thing is, the daft cunt pulls a muscle as he is running out onto the pitch and misses both the game and the pub afterwards.

the end.
(Fri 20th Apr 2012, 13:27, More)