» Gambling

A sure thing
My mate and the landlord of the local decided to club together to buy a share in a race horse. I think they spent about £5k between them in a syndicate. There reasoning was that they really would love to be in the owner’s enclosure and have a good day out every few months. Well a few years passed and their lame mare hadn't been out of the livery. The syndicate term was up and they decided just for a crack and to say they had with conviction entered her into a race, just for the day out.

Turns out this deceptively slow horse hated training but loved a race, competitive spirit or a need to get back to the stable quicker who knows but it won by a few lengths. Anyway he won a hat full, so on return to the pub he let slip that this horse was a rocket on four legs and as the 1st outing was a great success they had all renewed their stake in the horse and it will be running in a race in two weeks.
Rumour mill circulated my small town, the “its got a good chance have an e/w bet” (33/1 by the way it was a 16 horse charge) turned into a “it can’t lose, steak as much money as you can on it”. Well the bookies cut the odds to 16-1 by the off, with over 100 people lumping on the nose for this horse to win. Bets of over £1000 were being placed and my mate was not looking forward to that night back at the pub as the odds of 33-1 were probably right and it didn’t really stand a chance.
The race was at 3.30pm and the two Pub football teams in the town were playing next to each other on opposite pitches. With some guy on the radio listening to the race between the two pitches.

Ever seen a goal celebration with out a goal being scored, on two pitches, at the same time. Well it won, as did the entire town. The local Ladbrokes wouldn’t pay up on the day as they couldn’t cover the payout.
Furnished my flat 
Length about 16 hands
(Sun 10th May 2009, 21:00, More)

» Food sex

The stripper
My mates 18th and we decided to get him a stripper. Pub full of people, in walks a beauty of emmense proportion and the beer garden errupts.

My mate is loving it, her top comes off and the cream comes out, he licks his way thru a doubleD set of tits.
He then goes green and throws up.

Shaving foam looks alot like cream, in the dark.
(Tue 11th Aug 2009, 8:44, More)

» Vomit Pt2

Stag do vomit
We were on a stag do and the games were starting to include heavy penalty drinks, one of the chief instigators of these drinking games decided that it would be fun to give a mate of mine a nested pint. For those of you who do not know that is a pint full of pubes. Well my mate was wise to the prank and caught the guy in the act. As a penalty for catching him, he was allowed to choose a drink of his choice. Well there was an odd pint sitting on our table nobody knew where it came from it looked like a Guinness with a baileys top. The challenge was set and as a good sport he drank it. He immediately turned green and ran to spew his guts. The groom arrives back from the bar to mention to clear away his last drink as he was sick into it.
(Sun 10th Jan 2010, 15:33, More)

» Sexism

in our house..
I go for the record breaker of farts, as in how long I can keep the percussion of the flatulence going like a fading drum roll. She just goes for the silence death of the smell.

In other words women are sneaky, whilst men are musical.
(Fri 1st Jan 2010, 19:28, More)

» Asking people out

Swedish chef
Mrs Wobbler is from Sweden and well as a result I can speak a little Swedish, it relevant.. Mrs Wobbler went off to Sweden with the kids for a 7 weeks over the summer while I was left to live the life of a single man with my mates. Q a trip to Norwich to see my mate who defected from the south to be with the carrot munchers. Kings Lynn was the base and we met up with his new found mates for a night on the town in the Norwich (a journey best not taken while needing a pee, I can tell you.
Anyway we get there and his new mate informs me his chat up line which never fails is "Hello I am from Sweden how are you today". My ears prick up and I ask more, he claimed that they never question him and accept he is from Sweden and if they ask him to say somthing he makes up a line from the muppets. So out and about and after a few pints he blurts out this line to a girl, we are in Norwich full of women, which was a big suprise, and he picks on the only Swedish girl in the city. She speaks to him in Swedish, he is purplex, she then says "You picked the wrong girl to be a twat with." Seeing his stunned silence I butt in and ask her somthing about her twat (in Swedish) which then leads to my mates mate gasp in asstonish ment and this girl look at me like I shouldn't be there. She would have been putty in my hand but for the wife & kids so I told her all my mates were twats and as a result she laughed and took the piss out of them for the remainder of that bar. I was hailed a legend and the gimp who used the line a leg end.
Lesson to be learnt there. Learn a language, as it might get you laid. I struggle with English women as I can't really speak English while drunk or typing
(Wed 16th Dec 2009, 19:37, More)