» Festivals

Bearpookie reminds me
Glastonbury in the early and mid-nineties, whilst getting over the fence was still de riguer and it wasn't entirely populated by arseholes and mud ... the police had an interesting problem, they couldn't be seen to condone drug use but they didn't want to be seen as heavy-handed either, and were mostly after serious dealers. Cue some bright spark going "Lads, I've got an idea..."

two police transits. all the doors and windows open. Four cops with supersoakers. "Smoking a fat one there, sir? Oh, it seems to have gone out and, oddly, you're all wet now"

Work of genius. The facial expressions of pissed-off crusties realising there was exactly fuck all they could do was truly wonderful. Made my day the first time I saw it.
(Mon 8th Jun 2009, 10:27, More)

» Stuff You've Overheard

A conversation between my brother and his mate
"I was thinking, you know .... anal sex must hurt like buggery"

you have to laugh really
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 15:16, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

OK, picture a mountain biking accident many years ago
Friend of mine (called Basil, so that's a bad start anyway), out riding, he got his weight a bit low over the rear tyre going quickly down a steep drop-off .. he was wearing loose shorts .. 3" gash in the scrotum, right testicle drops out. Somehow gets to hospital with the other pod intact but the right one has to go, too much risk of infection or something

You'd think some sympathy perhaps? Oh good God no. For the rest of his natural, this chap will be known as Womble.
(Thu 18th May 2006, 17:05, More)

» The Boss

before my re-lapse to academia
I used to head up the purification department of a small biotherapeutics start-up. Our major candidate on our portfolio was a drug for endemetriosis (look it up if you're male) and I was once sat with my direct boss (head of manufacturing or some such title) in a meeting with a load of venture capitalists trying to blag some more funding. One of them asked how we were planning to administer the drug to keep the dose sensible, and I said we were in the process of developing a two-way tampon, but that in the short term we'd probably use a liquid formulation and vaginal douche.

Whereupon my boss looked surprised (he wasn't really into the drug delivery side of things) and turned to me and said "really, how does that work? do we turn them upside-down and pour it in?"

Genius. How he successfully bred I'll never know. We didn't get any funding out of that meeting. Strangely.
(Thu 18th Jun 2009, 13:39, More)

» Useless advice

Never
insert your genitals into something you're not 100% sure they'll come out of.

this applies to people as well as domestic appliances.
(Thu 19th Oct 2006, 11:30, More)