whilstliving in halls with two timid (or so we thought) chinese girls in the first year of university, we (myself and my 3 flatmates) returned home from an evening at the local discotheque in dire need of a snack. upon investigating the fridge, we discovered an intriguing plastic bag with ornate chinese lettering upon it. in our drunken state we decided to open it to see what oriental delights lay within. to our horror, we discovered what appeared to be some kind of animal penis nestling snugly in the cellophane. we also found a large mixing bowl covered with a tea towel containing three freshly killed baby chicks marinating in their own blood on the sideboard. i think they were the extra cute and fluffy variety. obviously this was unacceptable, and so began a long series of unpleasant episodes between them and us. this climaxed with the invention of a new and potentially lethal game - krazy golf. to create a krazy golf course in student halls, simply open the front doors of two facing flats, place the tee at one end of one corridor and a cup to represent the hole at the other. various hazards (skateboards, piles of books etc) can be added as required. now, normally the game is to be played at a sedate pace using a putter to gently coax the ball home. not so my flatmate who produced a 'big bertha' driver from somewhere and, with a swing that would have turned tiger woods the same colour as the fairway at st augusta, viciously clouted the ball cupwards. in addition to producing a pleasing whistling sound it travelled with the trajectory and speed of an exocet missile and, in a twist of fate that in all honesty we should have seen coming, struck one of our chinese friends directly in the face. the sickening 'crunch' sound and fountain of blood was an impressive, if harsh bonus. one badly broken nose later, our short lived golfing careers came to an abrupt end.
reading back over this, i'm still unable to decide who was the worse of the two - penis eating, fluffy chick slaughtering chinese girls or the golfer who would condemn the british army's SA13 surface-to-air missile defence system to an early retirement.
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Thu 20 Nov 2003, 14:01,
archived)
reading back over this, i'm still unable to decide who was the worse of the two - penis eating, fluffy chick slaughtering chinese girls or the golfer who would condemn the british army's SA13 surface-to-air missile defence system to an early retirement.
culinary expertiseThis didn't happen in my flatshare but a friend reliably informs me they had a guy so clueless in their house that he couldn't even change a lightbulb. Needless to say, he couldn't cook.
He got adventurous one day and tried to cook one of those tinned steam puddings, with jam or treacle on top. He set up a large pan of boling water, made an incision in the top of the pudding tin with the tin opener, as per the instructions. Then he proceeded to take the whole top of the tin off and empty the contents of the tin into the boiling water. And let it boil for 35 minutes.
His steamed pudding came out a tad soggy.
(,
Thu 20 Nov 2003, 14:54,
archived)
He got adventurous one day and tried to cook one of those tinned steam puddings, with jam or treacle on top. He set up a large pan of boling water, made an incision in the top of the pudding tin with the tin opener, as per the instructions. Then he proceeded to take the whole top of the tin off and empty the contents of the tin into the boiling water. And let it boil for 35 minutes.
His steamed pudding came out a tad soggy.