How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 May 2018, 13:48, 2 replies)

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
None
(ScottEarle, Sat 12 May 2018, 0:26, 6 replies)

What four legged animal helps pollenation?
Most of a bee.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 8 May 2018, 9:49, 4 replies)

What does Kanye West and brussel sprouts have in common?
I hate them
( cumquat may this is a tribute to the best sig in the world, Wed 9 May 2018, 16:36, Reply)

How do you escape a bear?
\🐻
( spacefish bong!, Wed 23 May 2018, 19:07, Reply)

What's the difference between USA and USB?
One has a white lead and never seems to be the correct way round, the other is is an industry standard that was developed to define cables, connectors and protocols for connection, communication, and power supply between personal computers and their peripheral devices.
( Dr.Dunno, Tue 8 May 2018, 9:38, 3 replies)

What's really thick and lives on a globe?
A flat Earther.
(Graham Coxon out of Blur, Sun 13 May 2018, 12:33, 1 reply)

How many gammon does it take to change a lightbulb?
Millions. First to successfully campaign to leave the EU, and then to wait in the dark for the proper inefficient incandescent light bulbs to make a comeback.
( monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 8 May 2018, 10:52, 1 reply)

I have a grudging respect for people who do fly tipping.
They've got six legs, sticky feet, and they're a damned sight harder to sneak up on than cows.
(Astatine, Wed 9 May 2018, 2:40, Reply)

what do you call a big reptile that gets someone else to bite you?
a deligator
( spacefish bong!, Sat 19 May 2018, 7:26, Reply)

"Doctor, doctor...
The GUI on my Unix based system has crashed and it's left me with just a command line prompt. Is it serious?"

"I'm afraid it's Terminal."
(Mr._Pickles, Wed 9 May 2018, 0:17, 2 replies)

Contrary to popular belief, Stephen Hawking wasn't a theoretical physicist.
He was real.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 May 2018, 10:46, Reply)

Although a transvestite friend of mine lives in Greater Manchester...

He also has a Wigan address.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 4 Oct 2018, 17:29, 2 replies)

What idiot called it an airline meal instead of snacks on a plane?

( rob 8===w=), Tue 4 Sep 2018, 11:15, 2 replies)

i asked my friend
why she was dating a homeless man who looked like Elvis.
she replied: "i'm courting a tramp, i can't walk out"
( Smash Monkey i understand you, little well-dressed bird, Sun 26 Aug 2018, 15:10, 1 reply)

Q. How many members of the NRA does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. More guns!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 8 May 2018, 18:37, 3 replies)

Why are shoes like a naughty greengrocer?
They come in pairs.
(Bhison is tripping over the shoelaces of life, Tue 8 May 2018, 11:40, Reply)

What's #000000 and #FFFFFF and #FF0000 all over?
A newspaper dot com
( rob 8===w=), Tue 8 May 2018, 9:56, Reply)

High brow joke
I can't believe they cancelled Vivaldi after just Four Seasons...
(wiggys, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 13:24, Reply)

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a Rolfaroo?
Giant holes all over your children
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 9 May 2018, 21:42, 1 reply)

What do you get when cheese explodes?
De Brie.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 8 May 2018, 20:57, Reply)

Which singer can you boot up?
Adele
( The_cold_stare My username makes no damn sense, Tue 8 May 2018, 17:05, 2 replies)

My scouse uncle does greengrocery deliveries in Shoreditch
He doesn't have a van.
He does avocado.
(Wanksock Crusty. Musty. Trusty, Tue 8 May 2018, 13:59, Reply)

What smells of piss and doesn't work?
The House of Lords
( rob 8===w=), Tue 8 May 2018, 9:45, 1 reply)

Some people think I'm a homophobe
but it only sounds that way.
(Star Wars Starwarsy McStarwars Face, Tue 8 May 2018, 9:37, 3 replies)

Do you know what gets my goat?
El Chupacabra.
( Ambegris likes his tea stirred anti-clockwise, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 23:52, Reply)

Second in line to throne launches probe into Britain's separation from the European Union:
Brexit, pursued by an heir.
( JustHere4Coffee remembers when all this were fields, Wed 9 May 2018, 13:58, 2 replies)

The world origami championship is going to be on Sky this year.
As a paper-view event.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 May 2018, 12:04, Reply)

.
[email protected]: ~ $ ls
file.txt
[email protected]: ~ $ touch this
touch: cannot touch 'this': Permission denied
[email protected]: ~ $ sudo !!
[sudo] password for mc: **********
[email protected]: ~ $ ls
file.txt
this
(Mr._Pickles, Wed 9 May 2018, 0:27, 1 reply)

Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock.
Who's there?
A spider with an erection.
( rob 8===w=), Tue 8 May 2018, 9:20, 1 reply)