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This is a question I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Challenge: write a joke. As simple joke with a setup and a punchline.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT - IGNORING THIS COULD RESULT IN BAN

* Don't steal jokes - write them
* Don't flood post
* Just don't be a dick ok?

So join in and write a bad joke and apologise for it.

Read Latest | Highest Voted

(, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 8:00)
Pages: Latest, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, ... 1

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I went to the zoo, but all they had was one small dog.
It was a shit zoo.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 15:37, Reply)
What's got eight legs and is able to score shit despite never leaving the closet?
the x-factor judging panel
(, Tue 16 Jul 2019, 6:12, Reply)
Did you hear about the naked waiter on minimum wage?
He's barely putting food on the table
(, Wed 10 Jul 2019, 23:41, Reply)
Midnight conversation
"I'm a bat!"
"You're an Owl!"
"I'm a Bath Towel!"
(, Wed 10 Jul 2019, 18:42, Reply)
How do you know
when there's a singer at your door?
They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
(, Sat 6 Jul 2019, 13:10, 1 reply, 1 week ago)
Two Monkeys
Two Monkeys in a bath
"OOooOOOo EEEEEeeeee AH HA hahahAAAH!"

"Listen, if its that hot, put some cold in"
(, Fri 5 Jul 2019, 20:09, Reply)
Why did the feminist keep overeating at Greggs?
It was the fault of the pastriarchy
(, Fri 5 Jul 2019, 6:12, Reply)
Dancing on ice is launching in China. Except its set in a paddyfield.
yep.. "Dancing on Rice"
(, Wed 3 Jul 2019, 18:30, Reply)
I once wrote a one-line story about the refractive properties of glass but it was so bad I got a prism sentence.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2019, 10:17, Reply)
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman asks "Why the long pause?"
The horse replies "Cot death".
(, Sun 30 Jun 2019, 3:35, 1 reply, 1 week ago)
I'm on a seafood diet.
I eat what comes from the sea.
(, Sat 29 Jun 2019, 21:24, Reply)
Why didn't Billy Idol start the fire?
Sorry I've mucked this one up. Why didn't get Billy Idol get arrested for starting a fire. Arson. Why didn't Billy Idol. Billy Joel. Why didn't Billy Joel get arrested for arson?
Because we, I mean he, didn't start the fire!
(, Tue 25 Jun 2019, 2:43, 2 replies, latest was 3 weeks ago)
I heard a really good joke about UDP
But you might not get it
(, Fri 21 Jun 2019, 13:51, 1 reply, 1 week ago)
I was at my old rave club last week, but it was so rundown that stray animals had found a way in and were eating peoples stashes
The place had gurn to the dogs
(, Tue 18 Jun 2019, 10:03, Reply)
Dougie the Dog
Took Dougie our dirty hairy dog to be clipped the other day. I told the groomer I wanted him clipped right back. He came out all clipped and clean and immediately went into his favourite tree impression...of a Douglas Fir. Sorry! Probably could have told that a bit better too.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2019, 12:48, Reply)
Did you hear that the alphabet died?
Died from a vowel obstruction.
(, Mon 10 Jun 2019, 10:18, Reply)
My dog has no dictionary
How does it spell terrible?
(, Thu 6 Jun 2019, 13:00, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
Why does phil collins like to wank out of an upstairs window after dinner?
so he can feel it coming in the air tonight
(, Tue 28 May 2019, 10:25, Reply)
What is Phil Collins' favourite Chinese branch of a Swedish high-end audio retailer?
Suzhou Sudio.
(, Fri 24 May 2019, 21:58, Reply)
Wh-What's Ph-Ph-Phil C-C-C-C-Collins' fa-fa-favourite pu-pu-pu-puzzle?
Su-su-su-doku.
(, Wed 22 May 2019, 13:38, Reply)
The only joke I've ever actually created:
(Context - when the big art installation of decorated fibreglass cows was going from city to city around Europe, I was playing in a bar in Zurich. Question to the audience in between numbers.)

Ein Kuh mach Muh.
Machen viele Kühe Mühe ?

I guess you had to be there.
(, Wed 22 May 2019, 11:12, 2 replies, latest was 7 weeks ago)
I'm not a big fan of levers,
I mean, they have their moments, but people tend to talk them up too much.
(, Sat 18 May 2019, 20:45, Reply)
A woman is having a shower when the doorbell rings.
She gets out to answer the door but realises there is no towel in the bathroom, so she puts on her robe, grabs a clean towel from the airing cupboard and wraps it around her wet hair. She peeks through her broken blinds and sees a man wearing sunglasses and a shirt that reads SMITH'S BLIND REPAIRS. "Well," she thinks, "I know they said they'd be here first thing, but he's a little earlier than I expected. She opens the front door.

The man says: "Good morning, love. I'm here to fix your blinds."
He thinks to himself: "Cracking tits, I wish she'd answered the door naked."
(, Thu 16 May 2019, 12:20, 1 reply, 8 weeks ago)
How do they put the holes in a colander?





Sieve I care.
(, Wed 15 May 2019, 21:13, Reply)
What do you call a monkey in a bunker?
.
.
.
.
.
A bunkey.
(, Mon 13 May 2019, 19:47, 4 replies, latest was 8 weeks ago)
What does Phil Collins instruct his lawyers to do when he wants to initiate triple legal action against deceased Rainbow singer Ronnie James?
Sue-sue-sue Dio.
(, Fri 10 May 2019, 21:14, Reply)
How do you know if Phil Collins has got root on your system?
Su-su-sudo.
(, Fri 10 May 2019, 18:40, Reply)
Which reggae singer resembles a radiant heating appliance for generating thermal radiation for outdoor use?

Patio Burner!!!
(, Wed 19 Dec 2018, 11:42, Reply)
I met Fred Flintstone at a party in the Middle East
It was an Abu Dhabi do
(, Wed 19 Dec 2018, 11:15, 3 replies, latest was 7 months ago)
Which reggae singer sexually assaults people on the posterior?

Pato Bottom!!!
(, Mon 17 Dec 2018, 12:01, Reply)

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