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This is a question I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Challenge: write a joke. As simple joke with a setup and a punchline.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT - IGNORING THIS COULD RESULT IN BAN

* Don't steal jokes - write them
* Don't flood post
* Just don't be a dick ok?

So join in and write a bad joke and apologise for it.

Read Latest | Highest Voted

(, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 9:00)
Pages: Latest, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, ... 1

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how do you know the theory that most scientists prefer parsley over oregano is likely to be true?
It's the most parsleymonius explanation
(, Tue 6 Apr 2021, 9:56, 1 reply, 4 days ago)
Q: What's the worst pantomime?
A: Poop in boots.
(, Mon 29 Mar 2021, 21:27, 1 reply, 6 days ago)
Which Thundercats villain got stuck in the Suez Canal?

Mumm-Ra the Ever-Given!!!
(, Mon 29 Mar 2021, 11:54, Reply)
The canine
previously acquired through financial transaction by the parent of male lineage of the deceased comedic talent mostly associated with Knotty Ash arrives at the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter says 'Is this some kind of joke?'
(, Fri 19 Mar 2021, 20:17, Reply)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
There can be no ultimate cause in a meaningless universe, to search for one is futile, we simply witness a fragment of the space-time continuum that contains both us and the fowl crossing event, and then we die and the entity we think of as ourselves witnesses no more as it entropically decays, as does all matter until the heat death of the universe and the infinite nothingness.
(, Thu 18 Mar 2021, 13:04, 8 replies, latest was 3 weeks ago)
You walk past your favourite pub.
It is closed.
(, Wed 10 Mar 2021, 21:24, 4 replies, latest was 4 weeks ago)
My Dawn Penn's got no no nose.

(, Sat 6 Mar 2021, 9:57, 10 replies, latest was 4 weeks ago)
There's a saying in Edinburgh:
If you don't like the weather, just leave.
(, Wed 3 Mar 2021, 21:28, Reply)
What is Mrs Doyle's (from Father Ted) favourite type of curry?

Goan!
(, Tue 2 Mar 2021, 8:33, Reply)
How did the Werewolf get its meal?
Deliveroo00oo00oo
(, Mon 1 Mar 2021, 20:18, Reply)
What did Thom Yorke say to the Indian restaurant waiter?
"Korma, please"!!!
(, Mon 1 Mar 2021, 17:33, 7 replies, latest was 5 weeks ago)
Which child-molesting popular figure from the 70s and 80s is quite useful in the winter?
Gary Gritter!!!
(, Sun 28 Feb 2021, 22:01, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
What do you call a duckling that lost all its baby feathers after being infected with Covid-19?

Lackdown.
(, Fri 26 Feb 2021, 12:21, Reply)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the whole ship was on spockdown
(, Thu 25 Feb 2021, 9:12, 13 replies, latest was 6 weeks ago)
A Englishman, and Irishman and Scotsman tried to enter a bar but the bartender told them it was closed. When they asked why the bartender told them
Im sorry but the whole ship is on spockdown
(, Fri 19 Feb 2021, 12:01, Reply)
Billy Idol once did a Misfits tribute act, but the posters for his first gig had a typo and no-one showed up.
Undeterred, he was Danzig by himself.
(, Thu 18 Feb 2021, 17:41, 1 reply, 7 weeks ago)
Why couldnt Captain Kirk go to the bridge?
Because the whole ship was in spockdown
(, Sat 13 Feb 2021, 23:03, Reply)
Which former FA chairman was known for his abrupt manner?
Sir Curt Millichip!
(, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 11:12, 12 replies, latest was 8 weeks ago)
What did the Hollywood heart-throb say
when, after finding himself in a bit of bother with allegations of drink/drug problems and abusive relationships with women (rather like his co-star in a 2013 flop), he decided to take a break from acting to retrain as a pirate - but, on his first day on his new ship, he bashed his thumb with a carpentry tool while trying to reattach the foremast?
(, Thu 14 Jan 2021, 15:45, 1 reply, 3 months ago)
Which Plantagenet king was so hairy that he was often mistaken for a bear?
Richard the Furred.
(, Sun 3 Jan 2021, 15:36, 28 replies, latest was 2 months ago)
Nigel farage popped round earlier to pick up his copy of the Ian Curtis biopic he'd lent me over Christmas
He was taking back control
(, Fri 1 Jan 2021, 16:27, Reply)
What did Vincent van Gogh's friends say to him when he got home from the plastic surgery hospital?
Happy New Ear!
(, Fri 1 Jan 2021, 13:10, 1 reply, 4 weeks ago)
What did God say on the 24th of December, 2.8 million years ago
as he watched the formation of a land bridge between the continents of North and South America?

"It's beginning to look a lot like isthmus!"
(, Tue 15 Dec 2020, 13:10, Reply)
What colour are debts in aquariums?
Eau de nil
(, Sat 12 Dec 2020, 19:27, Reply)
What do you call quiet elves?
shelves
(, Thu 10 Dec 2020, 12:49, 1 reply, 4 months ago)
Why does Mr T insist on decorating every inch of his house with garish Christmas decorations and lights every year?

He ain't gettin' on no plain Yule!
(, Tue 8 Dec 2020, 22:37, Reply)
Last summer I went camping in France and ended up pitched next to a fucking gigantic tent occupied by an 80s British insipid dinner party soul singer
It was the marquee de Sade
(, Tue 8 Dec 2020, 17:02, 1 reply, 4 months ago)
What did popular West Country singer 'Boney M' say
when he was told that his illegitimate daughter is popular food television personality Mary Berry?

"Berry's Moi choild? Jesus Chroist."
(, Mon 7 Dec 2020, 14:18, 2 replies, latest was 4 months ago)
I did Nazi that coming!
Did you know all of Adolf Hitler's friends used to call him Richard Potato.

..Everyone else called him Dick Tater.

I'll get my coat then.
"Taxi"
*Leaves very quickly *
(, Sun 6 Dec 2020, 19:38, Reply)
I was walking down the street when this bloke started throwing animal skins at me.

I got pelted.
(, Sun 6 Dec 2020, 17:58, Reply)

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