I've got a mate who is currently taking part in one of those four week drugs trials.
Or The Tour de France, as it's more commonly known.
(Covid69 Boris variant., Sat 19 Jul 2025, 16:34, Reply)

How do you get the founder of FFRR Records to pay for dried meat?
Bill Tong.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 11 Jul 2025, 7:50, 1 reply, 4 days ago)

During a recent study in Paris…
…scientists Leonard Bou and Pierre Gionne, discovered a piece of disco music that triggers immediate and uncontrollable dancing in approximately 37% of those affected by Trisomy 21. The effect was present in zero percent of humans presenting with the third-chromosome disorders, Patau and Edward’s syndromes.

At present, ‘My Baby’s Baby’ by Liquid Gold is the only track to have been identified as affecting the sample group and funding for further research has been granted.

Whilst inconvenient, Bou-Gionne Down Syndrome is not thought to be life threatening.
(tinpixel, Thu 10 Jul 2025, 0:03, Reply)

DFS sell a lot of sofas.
But they also do alot of work for chairity
( Octo I ruin everything., Wed 9 Jul 2025, 19:27, 4 replies, latest was 1 day ago)

I cracked open the champagne when I heard that scientists had successfully spliced the DNA of a Chinese man, a Middle Earth Goblin and a mentally-challenged kid.

After all, it was a Special Orc-Asian.

(Sorry. 23rd-Beta-birthday post.)
(tinpixel, Sun 6 Jul 2025, 21:45, 2 replies, latest was 2 weeks ago)

My veterinarian wife is going to the West Indies on business
Curacao?
No, inseminate a horse
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Sat 5 Jul 2025, 16:09, 2 replies, latest was 4 days ago)

I've discovered the all-time best mixer for gin
Supertonic
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 4 Jul 2025, 6:50, 1 reply, 2 weeks ago)

My wife and I had an argument and now she’s off on a spontaneous trip
Don’t book, pack in anger
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 3 Jul 2025, 16:32, Reply)

Thinking of starting an Oasis tribute band consisting only of drag queens
Some Might Slay
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 3 Jul 2025, 16:30, Reply)

Just had a big fight with my wife. :(
Thought she'd be pleased with the surprise holiday I've booked for us, but it turns out she isn't keen on going to the driest place on earth.

I Atacama down.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 2 Jul 2025, 19:11, 1 reply, 3 weeks ago)

T'Pau were visiting a charity shop
to donate some clothes, but the shop refused to accept any of Carol Decker's underpants because they smelled unpleasantly tart.
It turns out Carol has a little bitter fart arsehole.
(sticklebrlcks 🍎, Wed 2 Jul 2025, 13:48, Reply)

T'pau were browsing in a charity shop, when Carol Decker unluckily nudged a decorative plate off a shelf with her elbow
Luckily it didn't smash, as the china was in her hand.
( Octo I ruin everything., Wed 2 Jul 2025, 9:40, Reply)

Sinead O'Connor enraged the writer of her biggest hit
by editing the lyrics to suggest that Phileas Fogg's manservant was a West London ponce.
That's right Notting Hill Passpartout
(sticklebrlcks 🍎, Tue 1 Jul 2025, 17:58, 4 replies, latest was 3 weeks ago)

Prince sponsored a large-scale, placebo-controlled double-blind clinical trial comparing a popular weight-loss drug to a placebo.
Nothing compared Toujeo
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 1 Jul 2025, 17:30, Reply)

Prince put on a concert to raise money for aquatic mammals
and got an Irish rock band to perform. He also managed to get hold of a respected British naturalist to host the event. That's right, Nutkins compered U2.
(sticklebrlcks 🍎, Tue 1 Jul 2025, 17:00, Reply)

Prince was arguing with Sinéad O'Connor
about her experiments to rank the alpha-emissions of the two primordial isotopes of Uranium, ²³⁵U and ²³⁸U. She insisted that her method could differentiate between the isotopes, but Prince was having none of it. He slammed his little fist on the bench and screamed "Nothing Compares 2 U".
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 1 Jul 2025, 10:34, 1 reply, 3 weeks ago)

Prince, at the request of his friend the esteemed physicist professor Harold R. Kaufman, was checking a CSU report for NASA on the suitability of different propellants for use in ion drives, gridded electrostatic ion thrusters, and Hall Effect thrusters.
Prof. Kaufman was interested in comparing charge/mass ratios, specific impulse and cost efficiencies of the different propellant options (such as argon, bismuth, iodine, krypton, and xenon) for a given Wattage of engine power and given wet mass at launch.

Kaufman and Prince immediately agreed that the evidence pointed to xenon as the most efficient propellant, however, with it being so expensive and NASA's budget being so limited, Kaufman was under pressure to recommend switching to a cheaper option.

Prince found himself becoming increasingly frustrated with Kaufman's politically motivated indecision, and increasingly angry on a personal level with his verbose writing style.

After several months of back and forth, and having just worked through 18 pages of weak arguments in favour of argon, indium, and - of all things - *caesium*, Prince reached the end of his tether and dictated his final letter on the subject:
"Use Xe, motherfucker."
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 28 Jun 2025, 17:17, 1 reply, 3 weeks ago)

Prince was so sick of vegetable puns that he tried distract himself by writing a song about orange-flavoured liqueur.
It was Cointreau-versey.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 25 Jun 2025, 15:27, 1 reply, 4 weeks ago)

Prince was in the supermarket looking for cake toppings as he’d had enough vegetables
All he left to get was Dye, Almonds and Twirls
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 25 Jun 2025, 14:41, Reply)

How do you know when beef will fall from the sky?
You ask a meatierologist
( Octo I ruin everything., Tue 24 Jun 2025, 21:07, Reply)

What is James Bond's boss's favourite Crash Test Dummies song?
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
(electricgoose, Tue 24 Jun 2025, 14:23, Reply)

Prince was systematically washing his newly delivered vegetables, when he realised that he hadn't put on his marigolds.
To his displeasure, he found them difficult to stretch over his dainty fingers. Quickly, he doused them in a small amount of tap water. Prince hated it when his gloves were dry.
( Octo I ruin everything., Tue 24 Jun 2025, 12:05, 1 reply, 4 weeks ago)

Neil asked his friend Chris Barron, lead singer of American rock band The Spin Doctors why he had taken so long at the checkout in the greengrocers.
He replied 'One, or two Princes, Neil, before me.'
(Covid69 Boris variant., Tue 24 Jun 2025, 9:36, 4 replies, latest was 4 weeks ago)

Prince was checking in on his wolf pack, and played a game with the dominant male.
He'd been training it to choose between two packages - one which was open and contained a tasty morsel, and the other which was closed - sometimes it contained an even tastier morsel, and sometimes it was empty.

To Prince's satisfaction, the wolf chose the mystery package (which, happily, on this occasion contained the extra-tasty morsel). Turns out, alpha bets treat.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 24 Jun 2025, 8:41, 1 reply, 4 weeks ago)

Prince was checking his large collection of phagocytic white blood cells
when he came across an unusually large jar of the stuff. In that instant he felt compelled to throw it across the room.

Realising the significance of the act, Prince asked himself,
"Could this be the most neutrophil hurled in the world?"
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 23 Jun 2025, 22:29, 3 replies, latest was 4 weeks ago)

Prince was checking his veg delivery and planning to arrange a platter with all the different vegetables so he could snack on them all when he felt like it.
Satisfied, he said to himself "let's go graze-y!"
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 23 Jun 2025, 18:53, Reply)

Which former Neighbours star is a small freshwater fish?
Kylie Minnow
( Cheers Cheers, Mon 23 Jun 2025, 17:51, Reply)

Which former Neighbours star was the best at writing javascript?
Json Donovan
( Octo I ruin everything., Mon 23 Jun 2025, 16:50, Reply)

I'm scared of heights. But I've a friend who always has to go one better.
He's scared of hnines.
(Covid69 Boris variant., Mon 23 Jun 2025, 9:50, 1 reply, 4 weeks ago)

Prince frequently bought a prepacked meat substitute to prepare alongside any vegetables he had. Making sure to keep coupons from the packets for any special offers.
He loved his Linda McCartney standalone vegetable tree but when it came to cookware nothing beat his little, red quorn set
(Mehitabel_Itrang, Sun 22 Jun 2025, 14:15, Reply)