NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 108: "THE WORST FOOD YOU'VE EVER COOKED"
This Week:
* TOY - Booze calculator
* RATHERGOOD - Rude hedgehogs
* STUPID NAMES - Friends of Martin Wank
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web ... together"
B3ta email 108 - 10 Oct 2003
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue108/
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsub: [email protected]
-------------------------------------------------
: B3TA HALLOWEEN PARTY
31st October - if you couldn't guess
Huzzah. For we are the bringers of not just
links but fine parties filled with boozes
and this time, t-shirts.
Yep. We've made 100 t-shirts with cool little
pixely bears printed on them. £10 to you squire.
And don't email us about it - we're not selling
them online.
Anyway. Come. It's going to rock.
http://www2.b3ta.com/party/halloween2003.gif
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
>> Booze calculator <<
Ever wondered where all your money goes? Could
it be you're spending it on booze? Ugly has
made a calculator so you can see just how much
you've drunk over the years and how many
Ferraris you could have bought instead.
http://www.iondesign.net/drinkometer/
>> Rude hedgehogs <<
Penguin maestro Joel Veitch has switched his
attentions to hedgehogs. He's knocked out this
charming but profane reworking of Bobby
Macferrin's 'Thinking About Your Body.' Woo.
http://www.rathergood.com/hedgehogs/
>> 9/11 Spookiness <<
Jboom claims to have found a Dilbert cartoon
from September the 11th 2001. We can't tell if
he's pulling our leg but it did send a chill
down our spine.
http://b3ta.com/board/2101816
>> Gangrenous hand <<
From the students who brought you shit on a
plate comes ElectricHamster's "I've caught
foot-and-mouth and now it looks like a world
map." He's right, too. Scummy bastard.
http://electrichamster.net/treasuremap/
>> Cactus dad <<
"I gave myself a three day challenge," points
out Mushybees, "and made a wee film about
two slovenly cacti." Yay. The stupid
dialogue made us giggle. A lot.
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/dirty.sanchez/cactus0...
>> Spooky eyes <<
This is bloody disturbing. Limpfish has made a
strange little animation about stolen eyes.
Brrr.
http://www.limpfish.com/theystolemyeyes/
>> Victorian smackhead <<
Jonti has been taking heroin. He's recorded
his experiences in the medium of flash.
You should do the same.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/23/
-------------------------------------------------
: THE WORST FOOD YOU'VE EVER COOKED
Our question of the week
This week we've been asking the boarders
about the most disgusting food they've
ever attempted to cook.
Jesus Christ you've turned our stomachs. From
the scummy student recipes like margarine and
ketchup, to the guy who lives on pigeons, you
bring new meaning to the word omnivore.
This is a long read but worth it.
http://b3ta.com/board/2114132
-------------------------------------------------
: STUPID NAME CORNER
Last week we introduced you to Martin Wank
and Gaye Males. This week say hello to:
>> Wan Kin Too <<
An alumnus of Wah Yan College Hong Kong,
when we saw his photo we were Wan Kin Too.
http://home.att.net/~hschan/wsb/html/159967/view.c...
>> Rodger Bumpass <<
Celebrated Voiceover artist Rodger is best-known
as the voice of TV's Squidward Tentacles. Also
other cartoon squids.
http://us.imdb.com/name/nm0120309/
>> Gay Search <<
Radio Times Gardening Editor Gay Search has
the best name. She is the author of the book The
Impatient Gardener. Not The Uphill Gardener.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/gardening/tv_radio/celebritie...
And honorable mentions must go to Brighton
Bears player Randy Duck, San Juan County
Prosecuting Attorney Randy Gaylord and
the general manager for the Microsoft
Hardware Division Randy Ringer. No more
Randy’s please.
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Fast show Jap Porn <<
The Fast Show was brilliant, but some people
like it too much. Otherwise, how do you explain
this gallery of your favourite comic characters
reworked into gay cartoon porn. Hooray.
http://japanimatedfastshow.homestead.com/xxx.html
>> Keef Speaks <<
We all love Keef Richards. He invented rock
and roll. Or at least the good bits with smack
and booze. His site is a bit of a treat. Best bit?
The Ask Keith section where you can hear his
responses to questions posed by fans. The answers
are a nice mixture of cosmic and vague in Keef's
own inimitable style: veering from slightly posh
to awright guv'na, from animated high tone to a
low slurring grumble, 80-a-day cackles, pauses,
mumbling, occasionally sparking one up, bizarre
observations, his own 'cat & chicks' vocabulary
etc. He could teach Weebl and Bob a thing or
two about mumbling.
http://www.keithrichards.com
>> Playmobil Porn <<
We asked for weird porn. We're not sure this
is porn or just some strange gynecological
exercise. Playmobil figures Vs Vagina. Vagina
wins. But with pics like these we're all
winners. Warning: close-up vaginal photography.
http://users.skynet.be/treet.ta-tra/playmobiel.htm...
>> "I eat soap" <<
Why is it that the names of soap and shampoos
sound more like dinner than detergent? This man
makes the logical leap and tests the taste of
soap. Rather than wash his hair in mince,
as we would have done.
http://www.zug.com/pranks/natural/
>> Grapes of fiery madness <<
What happens when you put a grape in the
microwave? You wouldn't think it would combust
in a ball of blazing plasma. But it does, as
demonstrated by this genius child. Blame
the teachers.
http://www.scienceyear.com/sciteach/activities/c4_...
>> Disorientating yet pacey Flash <<
This is the closest thing to a mental breakdown
we've experienced in Flash. We think it's
something to do with U.S history. But frankly,
it was so peculiar that we totally lost the plot
and sat hypnotised by the flashing lights and
squeaky voices. Fantastic stuff.
http://uwizone.com/theboards/showthread.php
>> Tetris Vs Pipe Mania <<
Popcap rule when it comes to online games that
you can pick up in minutes - and have to be
prized from your cold dead hand to stop you
playing. Yay for companies that understand
that gameplay is all that matters.
http://www.popcap.com/gamepopup.php
>> Shit web design of the week <<
"we thought we'd show you," opines Nicole Forster,
"what top notch web design companies we have in
Australia." Indeed we are in your debt. The intro
screen with voiceover is only the beginning of a
multimedia treat.
http://www.spank.com.au/
>> Wired Spacker Gaff <<
"Call them spackers", writes Wired, "they're the
new breed of computer crackers who earn a living
in cahoots with spammers." Blimey. That's a bit harsh.
http://www.wired.com/news/business/0,1367,60747,00...
-------------------------------------------------
: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Ninja Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted you to play with ninjas:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/ninjas/
We asked B3ta boarder 'Reverend Dan' to judge
the entries - here are his 3 faves.
The Rev. Dan writes -
#1 "Ninja Pilots - It was a really tough
challenge this week with lots of fantastic
entries, but this just made me laugh more
than anything else. Marvellous! (schminkypinky)
http://b3ta.com/board/2091115
#2 "Ninjaholics Anonymous - A simple idea,
beautifully accomplished. Sent a shiver
down my spine. (Haku)
http://b3ta.com/board/2093272
#3 "The Best Thing Since... - I love this, and it
promotes the non-flipping-out-and-killing-people
side of ninjas which can only be a good thing."
(Beau Bo d'Or)
http://b3ta.com/board/2108034
"Oh, and the Reverend Dan Award for Decapitation
this week goes to Zak McFlimby - this was the
first entry in this challenge but is still the
most, ahem, 'perfectly executed'."
http://b3ta.com/board/2087507
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, B3ta contributor 'Indole Ring' gave us
the suggestion, "Budget cuts - how things would
look if they had to be much cheaper?"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/budgetcuts/
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* TRAFFIC LIGHT WARS - has said goodbye with
its 75th and final episode.
http://www.trafficlightwars.co.uk/
* LAST WEEK'S TIP WRONG - Thousands of people
pointed out that we mistakenly said flu was
caused by a bacterium. We would like to
apologise to bacteria. Flu is caused by a
virus.
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* DANGEROUS SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS - preferably
with plasma.
* B3TA FREAKS - are you a bearded lady? Or
just very off-looking? We'd like to make you
famous.
* FAKE HARDWARE PROJECTS - what can you get
Slashdot to believe? A Beowulf cluster
of C64s? GPRS pants? A guide to installing
Linux on a kitten?
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
-------------------------------------------------
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
-------------------------------------------------
THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Kim Plowright, johnny
(cheers for the nice Keef phrasing), munkehwill,
rob horsefield, (_!_)_This_is_your_ass,
Zyk0tiK, and Haddock.
Stupid names from miketynan, jeffcapeshop,
vulga, martin_bailey, and the person who sent
in Rodger Bumpass & Randy Ringer whose email
we lost.
Top tippery from workboresme.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the special b4ta scopers. (70475)
-------------------------------------------------
TOP TIP:
When having guests over but can't be arsed to
clean, just spray furniture polish into the air.
It smells like you spent all day cleaning
just for them.
