NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 112: "HONKY HONKY SHEEP SHEEP"
This Week:
* B3TA RADIO - Flatmates from hell
* RATHERGOOD - Wrong bananas
* PROSTITUTES - One thousand reviews
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
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B3ta email 112 - 21 Nov 2003
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue112/
Subscribe: [email protected]
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: B3TA RADIO
Flatmates from hell
Each week the newsletter team of Rob and Dave
take a cheeky hour on FM radio to play a few
records and recount anecdotes supplied from
you lot.
This week we were asking about your worst
flatmate experiences:
http://b3ta.com/board/2344846
Listen in on 104.4 FM in London or via the
internet using this site. Go on.
http://www.resonancefm.com/audio.htm
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Sheep, Banananananas, Christmas and Farmers
>> Honking sheep <<
Stanley Kubrick thought that The Blue Danube
would be a great bit of music to accompany
balletic spaceships. Thinkfoo have a different
opinion: why not use trumpeting sheep instead?
Kubrick - you missed a trick here.
http://www.thinkfoo.com/b3ta/honking.html
>> Rathergood bananas <<
Joel from Rathergood has recently been having
problems down the grocers: they keep selling him
the incorrect fruit. Ordinary folk would simply
leave it to rot on the sideboard, but not Joel
- he turns his experience into song. Catchy
chorus too.
http://www.rathergood.com/bananas/
>> Unseasonal greetings <<
Our local Woolworths is already preparing for
Christmas and so is Mike Beddall. He's made
a charming and scary little animation of some
carolers harassing an old man. How festive.
http://mikebeddall.tripod.com/index.html
>> Gentle farmer music vid <<
Censored cows and pigs, a tuneful ballad sung by
a languid New Romantic muppet. It can only be
the latest from Sev and Tez at Magentaprod.
"We'll play the 6 of December in Manchester at
Chips," they are keen to inform us.
http://www.magentaprod.com/gentlefarmer.ram
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: ANIMAL UPGRADE CORNER
Because God didn't get it right the first time
>> Fake nails for cats <<
Soft paws is a company that makes little covers
for cats' claws. We think they add a certain
ghetto fabulous chic to your pet's demeanour.
http://www.softpaws.com/gallery/
>> Brollies for collies <<
Matching umbrellas for you and your dog - what
could show better the bond of affection between
owner and pet? We don't think it goes far enough
though. We make our dog wear the same clothes
as us. And we shave his little face.
http://snurl.com/33co
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Rate my whore <<
A lot of people use the internet as a research
tool. A lot. So really no-one should be shocked
by Punter Net - where men rate and review
prostitutes they've patronised. Our diligent
research shows this lady is the UK's best
prostitute, with a legendary 110 glowing reviews.
Blimey. That means she's done 'it' at least 110
times. Fancy that.
http://snurl.com/33bj
>> Penguin throwing simulator <<
Live out your fantasies of penguin formation
diving with this exceptionally pleasing
interactive rendition of the world's premier
flightless birds scuttling across the polar
ice floes.
http://www.lecielestbleu.com/media/penguinframe.ht...
>> Naive world of local DJs <<
B3ta boarder Agent Vulga assures us that this
snippet of audio is an actual recording of a
Cornish radio station. It reveals a charming,
unworldly quality to the local DJs. May not be
quite safe for work, unless your boss is equally
ignorant of euphemisms for ladies' bits.
http://agentvulga.iamscuffham.co.uk/curtains.mp3
>> Geeks in love <<
Chris Hill has taken a recording of his mother
talking movingly of how she met and fell in
love with his father and based an animation
round it. We were touched. BTW: You can only
watch half of it before being asked for 25c
to watch the rest. Which is an interesting
idea in itself.
http://www.ubergeek.tv/geeksinlove/
>> Blind man's internet <<
Can't say we really understood this. You move
the mouse around and a voice tells you "left
a bit... no right... click!" Not much happens
really, but it kept us entertained.
http://members.shaw.ca/albinoblacksheep/1.swf
>> Top ten internet fads <<
The Internet is always throwing up ideas which
poeple proclaim as the next big thing. Mostly
they have one thing in common: they are all
utterly rubbish. If you've been knocking about
the web industry for the last ten years then
enjoy this bit of schadenfreude.
http://snurl.com/32lg
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: PUZZLE GAMES
The games of kings
>> Flip Flap <<
A game where you have to push a button at the right
time to guide ball-bearings down a slope. Sounds
easy and it is - at first. By the sixth or seventh
time we were flapping like spazzers.
http://www.ceres.dti.ne.jp/~tmat/fflap/index.html
>> Telescope game <<
A lovely multi-level spatial puzzle game in
the classic style. You have to push balls into
holes, using telescopes. So good that, frankly,
who cares if it's vaguely trying to flog you
an expensive hoover?
http://www.dyson.co.uk/game/play.asp
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: THINGS TO MAKE AND DO
>> Make a cardboard camera <<
This site celebrates the legendary Dirkon
pinhole camera, which came free on the front
of Czechoslovakian magazines. There are templates
for making your own and a few sample images. Not
great photography but fucking hell - it's only
made of paper!
http://www.pinhole.cz/en/pinholecameras/dirkon_01....
>> Create your own Bayeux Tapestry <<
Probably one for the kids this. Drag and drop
characters from The Bayeux Tapestry to make
your own stories. Beautifully done.
http://www.adgame-wonderland.de/type/bayeux.php
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGES
Results from the Bond Gadgets and Victorian
Challenges
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
>> The Victorian Internet challenge <<
Last week we wanted to see how the victorian
internet might have looked:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/victorian/
We asked b3ta boarder 'ChaosTime' to judge the
entries but he never got back to us, so here are
our own 3 faves:
#1 "I have a pop-up box for you, Sir" - We'd like
a servant like this please. It'd make searching
dodgy websites a pleasure. (Drydo)
http://b3ta.com/board/2331556
#2 Phantascope - Yet again Monkeon comes through
with a cracking pic. Seeing the Hampster Dance
as sheet music made us laugh too much. (Monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/2363485
#3 Eerie Daguerreotype - the Tourist Guy never
looked more dapper. Breathes new life into an
idea that we thought had died. (Rex Monday)
http://b3ta.com/board/2336645
Our special mention has to go to Zak McFlimby for
not only producing superb stuff all week, but then
topping it with this Victorian version of the
goatse website. It's perfectly safe for work, as
long as he holds his balance, that is:
http://b3ta.com/board/2330924
>> Bad Bond Gadgets challenge <<
The week before last, we wanted crap Bond gadgets:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/bond/
We asked b3ta boarder 'atomboy' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 favourites.
Atomboy writes -
#1 "Everyday low prices, 007! - Although this
isn't strictly within the challenge's remit,
this was far too good not to win. Nobody did
one better. (Idid)
http://b3ta.com/board/2300811
#2 "Bond business card bonanza - So perfectly
done, and nobody else had an idea quite like
this. Simple, daft and utterly brilliant.
(RayRayRay)
http://b3ta.com/board/2311048
#3 "This isn't an ordinary pen, Bond - There
were lots of pen-based entries, but this was
by far the best. I can never say no to nudie
ladies." (emohawk)
http://b3ta.com/board/2288057
"Honourable mentions should also go to
Frogdoctor and Maiden for entertaining me:"
http://b3ta.com/board/2292348
http://b3ta.com/board/2292815
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, b3ta contributor 'sick_boy' gave us
the suggestion, "Animals with jobs"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/animaljobs/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
Blimey, B3ta contributers have gone TV mad
this week:
* JOEL VEITCH is making Rathergood Videos on
channel 4. It goes out at 1:50am on Thursday
morning.
* JONTI PICKING has made two ads for Anchor
Butter. They're the ones with the robot cows.
* ROB MANUEL has been developing a game show
for Nation277 called Kitten Olympics.
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* SCREENSAVER that uses a network of idle
computers to speculate on the stockmarket.
* A MOUSE with anti-fluff paint.
* GAMES. We want to see you making games. We
like them.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson and finished off by Mike Trinder.
Links sent in by Mindslave, Rouadec, Emma Wensley,
Vulga, Dave, tkt_dela and charlierapple.
Top Tippery by the fragrant Fraser and AndyK.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Special thanks to the party DJs at the halloween
bash - CCC, Weebl, Thorpe, Kim and Fraser.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the b4ta war elephants. (72213)
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TOP TIP:
Baking soda makes an excellent underarm
deodorant. Carefully dust the area in question
for many hours of odour-free pleasure.
