This Week: * B3TA RADIO - Flatmates from hell * RATHERGOOD - Wrong bananas * PROSTITUTES - One thousand reviews ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the __/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web ... together" B3ta email 112 - 21 Nov 2003 Read this issue in your browser: http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue112/ Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Unsub: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA RADIO Flatmates from hell Each week the newsletter team of Rob and Dave take a cheeky hour on FM radio to play a few records and recount anecdotes supplied from you lot. This week we were asking about your worst flatmate experiences: http://b3ta.com/board/2344846 Listen in on 104.4 FM in London or via the internet using this site. Go on. http://www.resonancefm.com/audio.htm ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Sheep, Banananananas, Christmas and Farmers >> Honking sheep << Stanley Kubrick thought that The Blue Danube would be a great bit of music to accompany balletic spaceships. Thinkfoo have a different opinion: why not use trumpeting sheep instead? Kubrick - you missed a trick here. http://www.thinkfoo.com/b3ta/honking.html >> Rathergood bananas << Joel from Rathergood has recently been having problems down the grocers: they keep selling him the incorrect fruit. Ordinary folk would simply leave it to rot on the sideboard, but not Joel - he turns his experience into song. Catchy chorus too. http://www.rathergood.com/bananas/ >> Unseasonal greetings << Our local Woolworths is already preparing for Christmas and so is Mike Beddall. He's made a charming and scary little animation of some carolers harassing an old man. How festive. http://mikebeddall.tripod.com/index.html >> Gentle farmer music vid << Censored cows and pigs, a tuneful ballad sung by a languid New Romantic muppet. It can only be the latest from Sev and Tez at Magentaprod. "We'll play the 6 of December in Manchester at Chips," they are keen to inform us. http://www.magentaprod.com/gentlefarmer.ram ------------------------------------------------- : ANIMAL UPGRADE CORNER Because God didn't get it right the first time >> Fake nails for cats << Soft paws is a company that makes little covers for cats' claws. We think they add a certain ghetto fabulous chic to your pet's demeanour. http://www.softpaws.com/gallery/ >> Brollies for collies << Matching umbrellas for you and your dog - what could show better the bond of affection between owner and pet? We don't think it goes far enough though. We make our dog wear the same clothes as us. And we shave his little face. http://snurl.com/33co ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Rate my whore << A lot of people use the internet as a research tool. A lot. So really no-one should be shocked by Punter Net - where men rate and review prostitutes they've patronised. Our diligent research shows this lady is the UK's best prostitute, with a legendary 110 glowing reviews. Blimey. That means she's done 'it' at least 110 times. Fancy that. http://snurl.com/33bj >> Penguin throwing simulator << Live out your fantasies of penguin formation diving with this exceptionally pleasing interactive rendition of the world's premier flightless birds scuttling across the polar ice floes. http://www.lecielestbleu.com/media/penguinframe.ht... >> Naive world of local DJs << B3ta boarder Agent Vulga assures us that this snippet of audio is an actual recording of a Cornish radio station. It reveals a charming, unworldly quality to the local DJs. May not be quite safe for work, unless your boss is equally ignorant of euphemisms for ladies' bits. http://agentvulga.iamscuffham.co.uk/curtains.mp3 >> Geeks in love << Chris Hill has taken a recording of his mother talking movingly of how she met and fell in love with his father and based an animation round it. We were touched. BTW: You can only watch half of it before being asked for 25c to watch the rest. Which is an interesting idea in itself. http://www.ubergeek.tv/geeksinlove/ >> Blind man's internet << Can't say we really understood this. You move the mouse around and a voice tells you "left a bit... no right... click!" Not much happens really, but it kept us entertained. http://members.shaw.ca/albinoblacksheep/1.swf >> Top ten internet fads << The Internet is always throwing up ideas which poeple proclaim as the next big thing. Mostly they have one thing in common: they are all utterly rubbish. If you've been knocking about the web industry for the last ten years then enjoy this bit of schadenfreude. http://snurl.com/32lg ------------------------------------------------- : PUZZLE GAMES The games of kings >> Flip Flap << A game where you have to push a button at the right time to guide ball-bearings down a slope. Sounds easy and it is - at first. By the sixth or seventh time we were flapping like spazzers. http://www.ceres.dti.ne.jp/~tmat/fflap/index.html >> Telescope game << A lovely multi-level spatial puzzle game in the classic style. You have to push balls into holes, using telescopes. So good that, frankly, who cares if it's vaguely trying to flog you an expensive hoover? http://www.dyson.co.uk/game/play.asp ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS TO MAKE AND DO >> Make a cardboard camera << This site celebrates the legendary Dirkon pinhole camera, which came free on the front of Czechoslovakian magazines. There are templates for making your own and a few sample images. Not great photography but fucking hell - it's only made of paper! http://www.pinhole.cz/en/pinholecameras/dirkon_01.... >> Create your own Bayeux Tapestry << Probably one for the kids this. Drag and drop characters from The Bayeux Tapestry to make your own stories. Beautifully done. http://www.adgame-wonderland.de/type/bayeux.php ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGES Results from the Bond Gadgets and Victorian Challenges Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. >> The Victorian Internet challenge << Last week we wanted to see how the victorian internet might have looked: http://b3ta.com/challenge/victorian/ We asked b3ta boarder 'ChaosTime' to judge the entries but he never got back to us, so here are our own 3 faves: #1 "I have a pop-up box for you, Sir" - We'd like a servant like this please. It'd make searching dodgy websites a pleasure. (Drydo) http://b3ta.com/board/2331556 #2 Phantascope - Yet again Monkeon comes through with a cracking pic. Seeing the Hampster Dance as sheet music made us laugh too much. (Monkeon) http://b3ta.com/board/2363485 #3 Eerie Daguerreotype - the Tourist Guy never looked more dapper. Breathes new life into an idea that we thought had died. (Rex Monday) http://b3ta.com/board/2336645 Our special mention has to go to Zak McFlimby for not only producing superb stuff all week, but then topping it with this Victorian version of the goatse website. It's perfectly safe for work, as long as he holds his balance, that is: http://b3ta.com/board/2330924 >> Bad Bond Gadgets challenge << The week before last, we wanted crap Bond gadgets: http://b3ta.com/challenge/bond/ We asked b3ta boarder 'atomboy' to judge the entries - here are his 3 favourites. Atomboy writes - #1 "Everyday low prices, 007! - Although this isn't strictly within the challenge's remit, this was far too good not to win. Nobody did one better. (Idid) http://b3ta.com/board/2300811 #2 "Bond business card bonanza - So perfectly done, and nobody else had an idea quite like this. Simple, daft and utterly brilliant. (RayRayRay) http://b3ta.com/board/2311048 #3 "This isn't an ordinary pen, Bond - There were lots of pen-based entries, but this was by far the best. I can never say no to nudie ladies." (emohawk) http://b3ta.com/board/2288057 "Honourable mentions should also go to Frogdoctor and Maiden for entertaining me:" http://b3ta.com/board/2292348 http://b3ta.com/board/2292815 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, b3ta contributor 'sick_boy' gave us the suggestion, "Animals with jobs" http://b3ta.com/challenge/animaljobs/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. Blimey, B3ta contributers have gone TV mad this week: * JOEL VEITCH is making Rathergood Videos on channel 4. It goes out at 1:50am on Thursday morning. * JONTI PICKING has made two ads for Anchor Butter. They're the ones with the robot cows. * ROB MANUEL has been developing a game show for Nation277 called Kitten Olympics. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * SCREENSAVER that uses a network of idle computers to speculate on the stockmarket. * A MOUSE with anti-fluff paint. * GAMES. We want to see you making games. We like them. Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson and finished off by Mike Trinder. Links sent in by Mindslave, Rouadec, Emma Wensley, Vulga, Dave, tkt_dela and charlierapple. Top Tippery by the fragrant Fraser and AndyK. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Special thanks to the party DJs at the halloween bash - CCC, Weebl, Thorpe, Kim and Fraser. Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder. Proofing by the b4ta war elephants. (72213) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Baking soda makes an excellent underarm deodorant. Carefully dust the area in question for many hours of odour-free pleasure.