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This Week:
* WEEBL - Return of the badger
* GAME - Abbey Road massacre
* WAXING - Bloke waxes leg
* B3TA RADIO - Worst records in the world

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__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web ... together"

B3ta email 114 - 05 Dec 2003

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  Bumper week. Loads of bloody stuff.

  >> Abbey Road massacre <<
  They are the Beatles. You are a CIA sniper.
  Can you gun down the hippie freaks before
  they reach the safety of Abbey Road Studio?
  Sargant provides a nice twist to the end of
  the tale.

  >> Lord of the badgers <<
  Inspired to a creative frenzy by the upcoming
  release of Lord of the Rings, Jonti has
  made a remix of his classic badger animation
  with a Middle Earthian twist. Check out the
  CGI on this: (Warning. Huge download.)

  >> "I waxed my leg" <<
  Sam Beddoes disbelieved his girlfriends when
  they told him how painful feminine beauty
  treatments are. "I decided to wax my leg, to
  see if women are pussys," he writes. "They are."
  Next week, Sam will be showing how piss-easy
  childbirth is. What do we need girls
  for, anyway?

  >> Fly cartoon <<
  "If badgers were the new 'kittens' then
  flies are the new 'badgers'. Ahem." Such 
  are the inflated claims of David Stuarthomfray.
  But, surprisingly, he proves them good, with
  this charming animated tale, featuring
  cute little flies. Yes, you did did read
  that right.

  >> Hamlet: The text adventure <<
  Robin Johnson's mind has been very much on the
  past of late. To this end, he has created an
  old-school, text-based computer game, based on
  Shakespeare's Hamlet. This may very well be the
  way the Elizabethans themselves experienced
  The Immortal Bard, on their primitive
  386-based PCs.

  >> George in my pocket <<
  "We've got a bloke at work called George,"
  writes 13 Floors Up. "In times of stress or
  when he's had too much coffee/sugar he comes
  out with all sorts of weird phrases, so I
  knocked up a soundboard." This little flash
  toy really doesn't do an awful lot, but the
  rich weirdness of the catchphrases compensates. 
  We think 'Humdy Bumdy Gumdy' could
  really catch on.

  >> Kill Bill Gates <<
  Film parodies and attacks on Bill Gates are
  two-a-penny. This has something extra. "It's
  not big or clever," writes creator Dirge Anchor.
  But it is deeply odd and boasts its own unique
  visual style. Woo.

  >> Alphabet toy <<
  Oddly pleasing, letter-chanting flash toy.
  There's not much to it, but what there is
  sure is pretty. Made by the
  evocatively-named Nipplecat.


  Worst records in the world

  On this week's B3ta radio we're playing the
  records you hate. 

  We've had 100s of nominations. Our favourite
  comes from Mystery Bob who writes:

  "I borrow my sister's car a lot, but it has no
  CD player in it, therefore I tend to listen to
  whatever is on the Radio - sometimes I sing

  "A couple of months ago while driving through
  Edinburgh - I stopped at a set of traffic
  lights and noticed a rather attractive girl
  walking along the pavement, looking directly
  at me.

  "At first I thought, 'Woo - my animal magnetism
  is drawing her to me", then I realised I was
  singing rather loudly to 'More than Words' by
  Extreme. She was simply looking at me with
  pity and disgust.

  "I hate that song now."

  Read them all. It'll take you a couple of

  Or learn more about B3ta Radio and how to
  tune in:


  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Find the tea <<
  MC Pitman is, ostensibly, a foul-mouthed
  rapping miner, partial to tea and biscuits.
  This game from his website is a visual
  treasure hunt: Can you find the tea in a 
  huge montage of peculiar imagery, under the
  surreal heckling of the man himself? To be
  honest, we couldn't.

  >> How's my lezzing? <<
  A serious and learned academic discussion on
  the portrayal of Sapphic Love in the mass media.
  Not what this is. But we found it interesting
  anyway. For some strange reason.

  >> Not all Americans are stupid <<
  A genius idea this: Declare your nationality
  and answer various multiple choice general
  knowledge questions. At the end you're told how
  well you did and shown the statistics of US vs.
  the Rest of the World. It's worth noting,
  however, that Americans are now marginally
  behind in the results. Go destroy some 
  national stereotypes.

  >> Circumcision DIY <<
  Old, classic, revolting, probably untrue.
  Utterly compelling. Gregory Bernath describes
  how he decided to save money on doctors' fees
  by removing hs own foreskin. With scissors.

  >> Massive photograph <<
  Max Lyons big pictures. He makes huge images by
  stitching together shots from his digital
  camera. He's just excelled himself, creating
  a 1.09 billion pixel photo of Bryce Canyon, US.
  It's possibly the biggest photographic image in
  the world and would make a smashing desktop
  wallpaper, too. Trouble is, your monitor would
  have to be about 47ft x 31ft to display it

  >> Stalin: Father of Photoshopping <<
  We didn't used to have much time for Stalin.
  His dodgy facial hair was no match for Hitler,
  or John McCrirrick. But this museum feature
  shows the tyrant to have an admirably adroit
  touch with photographic fakery. His enemies,
  and former friends, simply vanish from photos
  as if they had never been.


  Results from the Drugs Do Work Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted to see the world on drugs:

  We asked B3ta boarder 'ChaosTime' to judge the
  entries - here are his 3 faves.

  ChaosTime writes -

  #1 "Always Coca Cola - This was by far the most
     clever entry to the competition. Also, it's
     hilarious, so it wins on two accounts! (bluecorvet)

  #2 "Hallucinogenics! The way of future warfare! -
     If warfare was really like this I'd sign up
     tomorrow. But the question is: would syringes
     be standard issue? (Razor)

  #3 "One more meme to strike off the list - This
     one made me laugh like a loon. Poor Weebl, he
     really looks like he needs his hit soon." (ac-x)

  "A special mention for gratuitous use of Domo-kun
  in full Rage mode must go to the appropriately
  named 'kid special':"

  >> This Week's Challenge <<

  This week, B3ta contributor GlobaModule gave us
  the suggestion, "Gangstas in da hood"


  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * LITTLE MEW - regular contributor Brian Mung
    has been contacted by Nickelodeon over his
    character Little Mew. "They've commissioned 5
    festive shorts for their Nick Jr channel," he
    tells us. Well done, Brian!

  * BRUMMIE OF THE YEAR - The 'Birmingham - It's
    Not Shit' campaign, featured in these pages
    some months past, has stepped up its PR blitz
    with a glitzy awards ceremony. Down a boozer,
    in Birmingham. Who will be Brummie of the Year
    - Carrott, Ozzie or, er, Laurence from Felt?
    Cast your vote now:



  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * GIANT WALKING ROBOT LEGS - are you a mad
    science genius? We'd like to see your real
    world projects.

  * NEW B3TA RADIO JINGLES - send us your 10
    second MP3s.

  * QUIZZES - we haven't seen any good quizzes
    for a while. No we don't want "What
    character from Grange Hill are you" crap.
    We want look fresh stuff. Think about
    stuff that genuinely interests you and
    your mates. 

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with 
  David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by Paul, +3 post of stabbityness,
  Toby W, een, rob horsefield and Wetzel
  Top Tippery by Penile
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
  Proofing by the scuttling b4ta skinks. (72394)


  Don't want to waste your money on ice-cube
  trays?  Use the 'tray' from a box of selection
  chocs like Milk Tray.  Woo, chocolate shaped
  ice cubes and a handy throw-away tray!

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