NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 122: "CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAAAA-ZEEE MUM"
This Week:
* B3TA PARTY - Tonight
* RATHERGOOD - Joel loves his penis
* TEABAGS - built into pyramids
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 122 - 13 Feb 2004
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue122/
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsub: [email protected]
-------------------------------------------------
: B3TA PARTY TONGIHT
Look at all our raffle stuff
B3ta party tonight! Well it is if you're
reading this on the 13th of February. Anyway,
we're having a huge raffle - look at the
lovely stuff we've got to give away. Have
a look even if you're not coming - it's kinda
cool seeing the stuff that was sent in.
http://b3ta.com/features/valentine-raffle-2004/
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
Joel's penis, Teabag pyramids, Swearing toys
>> We love Joel's cock <<
We've had our doubts about Joel's penile
quality. We suspected it might be rather poor.
But recently, we've had the chance to properly
check it out and now we're converts. BTW: Despite
Joel's recent successes with kittens, he's at
his best when just being filthy and crude. If
you don't laugh at the joyous finale to this,
then you're dead inside. Dead, do you hear?
http://www.rathergood.com/sumo_florist/
>> Teabag pyramids <<
Cunting Gordon! This is an achievement.
Kamikazee Killmouse has stacked all his
teabags in the manner of the ancient
Egyptians. A majestic sight to grace any
kitchen. In the very centre is a cursed
bourbon biscuit. Or so it is said.
http://www.zen16091.zen.co.uk/tea/more-tea-vicar.h...
>> Swearing children's toy <<
In 2000 VTech released the Phonics Teacher;
A device aimed at teaching kids to read.
It's taken four long years, but Philip Cooper
has cracked the robot code and found out how
to make it swear. The time spent has not
been in vain.
http://www.imstupid.co.uk/twistedmindz/childstoy.h...
-------------------------------------------------
: B3TA RADIO
Cover versions
This week on b3ta radio we'll be playing
terrible cover versions, including Disney's
Phil Collins doing psychedelic classic
Tomorrow Never Knows. It's worse than you
can possibly imagine.
You can learn more about b3ta radio and how
to tune in here:
http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Impressive mullet <<
You're thinking the mullet gag can sod off.
It's tired, it's old, nothing left to give.
But this Basket ball-playing dwarf shows the
old dog still has a few tricks.
http://www.ratemymullet.com/show.php
>> My mum is crazy <<
All women over 30 are mad. That's a fact:
Jeremy Clarkson said so. If they're 60 they're
double mad. Just think how mad they'd be at
900 years old. Wah. This lad's mum is clearly
quite old and has never thrown anything away
in her entire life.
http://www2.b3ta.com/mirror/crazymum/
>> Michael Barrymore tattoos <<
This lady is a big fan of shamed ex-TV
personality Michael Barrymore. She was scared
that she'd forget his facial features, so had
them tattooed on her legs. Fact: In an inverse
Dorian Gray effect, as the tattoos become more
realistic, Barrymore himself increasingly
comes to resemble a stocky woman's leg.
http://my-michael-barrymore.com/Tattoos.html
>> Fire in a firework factory <<
What do you expect? It's video of a firework
factory on fire! Boom! A splode! Well done to
the cameraman, though, for risking his life
to keep us entertained. Apparently, people died
in this incident, so don't enjoy it too much.
That'd be like snuff.
http://www.media.ebaumsworld.com/index.php
>> World's most impenetrable game <<
Feed little things into the big red ball and
watch stuff happen. What on earth is going on?
Is this a parody? See if you can get things in
the right order to trigger off the best
sequence of events.
http://www.eyezmaze.com/grow/grow.swf
>> Angel puppet <<
We like Angel, the TV series about a brooding
vampire lawyer. Frankly, this season, writer
Joss Whedon has been at the crack pipe. Which
clearly is a good thing, as he's decided to
transform the series into Fraggle Rock. Ace.
BTW: West Wing is currently making an episode
with Big Bird from Sesame Street. So put that
in your top TV trends lists and smoke it.
http://snipurl.com/4h26
-------------------------------------------------
: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Red pandas
They're like foxes on cuteness pills. Who can
resist the lovely red panda? Not us. They use
their tails as pillows. Much like Joel.
http://www.uga.edu/srel/Red_Pandas/RP_gallery.htm
BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2
Oooh look. There's loads more stuff.
>> Tiny giraffe <<
If you're like us, you're still awake. And
you'll have been giving much thought to tiny,
little giraffes and elephants. Thank goodness
for Spacefish, reassuring us that the ironies
of scale are, ironically, immense.
http://www.glastonbridge.co.uk/flash/tg2.html
>> Charity ad animation <<
You can't fault a monkey. You certainly can't
fault two. As for this... we salute you,
Fish sticks. Caution: May not contain monkeys.
http://www.luckybestwash.plus.com/give.html
>> Pigeon commuters <<
We love Monkeon: He's a web spazz-fuck genius.
This seems to be an autobiographical animation
about his skiving off at work. And being a
parrot with the soul of a pigeon.
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/pigeon/
>> Breakdance bear <<
If we could walk with the animals, if we could
talk with the animals, if we could sell them
consumer electronics... Well, then this would
be the slickest piece of Apple marketing ever.
As it is, they have no thumbs, it's a
wasted effort. But wasted with style.
Thanks to Ian Gil.
http://www.txuggorf.com/b3ta/ifurtive.html
>> Mr First-Person Shooter <<
Do videogames cause violent behaviour? Paul
Harckham thinks yes. And here's his proof.
http://www.paulharckham.com/webthing/flash.htm
>> Cat Vs Badger <<
The cat and the badger: Natural foes, according
to some bloke on the internet.
VampireMonkeyOnSpeed writes, "Although this looks
like it was drawn by a 10 year old, I'm actually
somewhat older." You're never too old for
badgers. Especially young, nimble badgers.
http://www.madbadger.com/cat
>> Moody space robot thing <<
B3ta regular Wheatox has recently become a
father. He's also just made a spooky
animation featuring a robot being blasted
into space. Any connection? Almost certainly.
http://www.mrandmrswheatley.co.uk/iwill.html
>> Bangcubes <<
We've always wanted to see the ending of
Reservoir Dogs reprised with simple 3D shapes
in isometric projection. So when kingofpork
wrote in with "a very cool little Flash movie
made by my good mate Chris", we flapped our
sex limbs like retarded otters. Huzzah.
http://chrico.mazca.com/bits/bangcubes-01.html
-------------------------------------------------
: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Tribute Band Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted rubbish tribute bands:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/tributebands/
We asked B3ta boarder 'chobb' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
Chobb writes -
#1 "Banjovi - Such a fantastic name. I'd
rather listen to these than Bon Jovi any
fucking day. (Dr Dunno)
http://b3ta.com/board/2722808
#2 "50 percent - A good idea done well: the
oversized jewellery is a great touch.
Anything that makes 50 Cent look more of
a tit is alright with me. (lemonhead)
http://b3ta.com/board/2738661
#3 "Spazz + Dave - The best of the Joey
entries includes 'Over 100 uungs' -
how could this not win? Plus it's always
good to see the spastics having a bit
more grief heaped on their puny
shoulders." (Kid mingus)
http://b3ta.com/board/2730661
"Special mention has to go to Happy Shopper's
'The Morecombe Bay City Rollers' for being
funny, topical and in poor taste - a classic
combination. And a great underwater effect,
too."
http://b3ta.com/board/2735719
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, the whole b3ta board seems to be
obsessed with "Zombies!"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/zombies/
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* LAST WEEK'S ESTATE AGENT LINK - Sime writes,
"Ralph Bending the estate agent rocks! If
you look in his shop window at the houses on
sale you'll see such delights as, 'Would suit
blind dwarf with no sense of smell who's had
his legs chopped off!' or 'Deserves a
condemnation order' The shop is just a
couple of doors up from another estate
agents that is right posh and you get the
feeling that Ralph and them don't get on.
* INTRODUCING MONDAY STILL MAKING NEWS - nice
to see the Scotsman remembers. "Unfortunately,
introducingmonday.com is now just a flat page
saying that it is the future home of a
registered domain. How are the mighty stupid
fallen. The moral of the story lies in the
fact that introducingmonday.co.uk is alive
and well and singing away."
http://news.scotsman.com/index.cfm
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* QUIZZES - c'mon you lazy monkeys. Quizzes
rock and you lot don't make enough of them.
* INTERESTING PHOTOS - does your dad cook
the worst food in the world? Document it.
* DO THE STUFF YOU LOVE - nothing communicates
more than passion.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
-------------------------------------------------
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
-------------------------------------------------
THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Harriet_bp, Zog, Lucy Reese,
Christopher Brosnahan, whedonesque & Mike
Hopkins.
Top Tippery by Ulic.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the bumdacious b4ta chavs.
(73072)
-------------------------------------------------
TOP TIP:
Get lovely clear ice cubes by boiling the
water first. Not afterwards.
