NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 123: "SMOKING MAKES YOU HARD"
This Week:
* PRINT - Smoking Top Trumps
* WATCH - Farting Warthogs
* FEAR - Fucked-up Kitty
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____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 123 - 20 Feb 2004
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Fags, Tea, Jelly, Farts & Tattoos
>> Anti-smoking propagnda top trumps <<
We all love smoking at b3ta towers. It makes
you look hard and stops you turning into a
fat cunt. Recently we've been impressed with
the UK anti-smoking campaign where slime oozes
out of cigs. But we had to leave it to Yidaho
- famous for the Jade from Big Brother
photoshops of 2002 - to turn it into a
cut out and keep game of top trumps. Fuckeroony.
http://www.yidaho.myby.co.uk/toptrumps/
>> Yanks! Learn to make tea! <<
Badhorsey is after a free holiday in the USA
and has quite an offer for our American readers.
You provide transport from London and
accommodation and he'll teach you how to make
the perfect cup of tea. Oh and there's more.
We'll write it up in this very newsletter
in the unlikely event of you taking this
offer up.
http://snipurl.com/4mmo
>> Weebl makes jelly <<
Weebls' diminutive chum Bob has been on the
peyote buttons and produced this mini gem.
We love the DIY sound effects.
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/jelly.htm
>> Farting thingie <<
"I made this for my nephew," writes Rogan,
"who's a bit ill at the moment, but I thought
you might appreciate it." Huzzah. Can't knock
a simple farting gag, can you? And get well
soon from Uncle B3ta. We hope they find a cure.
http://snipurl.com/4mmh
>> Tattooists' blog <<
We're always interested to discover bloggers
who actually write about something other than
what they had for breakfast - so we're
pleased to hear from Linda who writes, "I am
a tattooist in Phoenix, Arizona, USA. I take
pictures of my customers using my camera phone."
Yay. We particularly like the granny getting
inked, and the lady with the horn buds. Shame
that Angel has been cancelled...
http://sunshinesheaven.blogspot.com
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Stephen Hawking Valentines Day <<
Wonder how b3ta's favourite boffin spent his
Valentines Day? Apparently his missus tied a
red, heart-shaped balloon emblazoned with the
words 'I love you' to his wheelchair and took
him for lunch. Then she took him for a push
with the balloon still flapping in the wind.
Er.. this link was sent in with the phrase
"positively ghoulish".
http://snipurl.com/4mme
>> This week's web nutter <<
What would the web be like with out odd people
putting up sites asking for brides? This one
wants 15 children and to breed with his kids'
wives. Ladies - that's where you can help.
http://fypl.info/
>> Pig balancing game <<
Unless you've spent the last three years in
syphilitic coma you'll know Ferry Halim
is synonymous with "quirky, beautiful and very
playable games." Mobile phone manufactures take
note: give this man some work and not the tards
you usually employ.
http://ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/pig.htm
>> Salt & Pepper combined <<
It's the end of civilisation as we know it.
We're now living in a world where people can
run a business based upon pre-mixing salt and
pepper. For fucks sake. We despair.
http://www.originalspepper.com/
>> We're feeling great <<
Most TV ads can bugger off up a tree and stay
there. Except this one. It rocks and features
a great catchphrase. BTW: It'll probably
try and sell you a icky cereal bar. Sod that.
Just enjoy the ad. Ha. That'll show 'em.
http://turnpikefilms.com/spots/nutrigrain.html
>> Beat up your PC <<
Think a flash toy where you whack your PC
sounds load of tired old crap? But it's the
enthusiasm and detail that save this from
a pathetic web grave. Hooray for assault
and battery.
http://www.inicia.es/de/Turbo_J/metele.html
>> Drum toy <<
Normally when you tell a web designer to go
mad with interface design they'll make some
poxy metaphor driven 3D interface. Cunts.
But this is smart. A drum-kit which you play
by dropping balls on objects. You'll need
to read the instructions and try the demo
settings to get the best out of it.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/music/childrens/games/drumste...
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Yoda Kitty
We've now seen over 1 million different kittens
on b3ta, and this is the most fucked up yet.
Still - we think it's cute. Maybe you will too.
http://www.b3ta.com/features/yodakitty/
BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Zombie Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted to raise the dead and
get zombiefied:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/zombies/
We asked B3ta boarder 'scaryduck' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
Scaryduck writes -
#1 "Zombie Diet - the first image in the
challenge and the best of the lot. I
still would, too.* (Meek)
http://b3ta.com/board/2749099
#2 "If I only had a brain - new b3tan in
first ever post triumph. Well executed
and very, very funny. (Yellomenace)
http://b3ta.com/board/2773614
#3 " She's back - the best of the Queen
Mums, bless her. She would have
approved, you know.* (Frogdoctor)
http://b3ta.com/board/2763498
Special mention: "Thor Sonofodin who is
the king of Zombies, and he'll send
hoards of undead round my house if he
doesn't get a notice in this competition.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/2762602
* probably not strictly true.
** not sure about this one, either.
>> This Weeks Challenge <<
This week, the challenge dictator punches
his computer in frustration and asks,
"What software do we really need?
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/softwarethatwereally...
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* BUMSEXUAL IN THE PAPERS - a few weeks ago
we asked you to get the phrase bumsexual
into the papers. Brandon has got it into the
small-ads, but we want more. The challenge
is on.
http://www2.b3ta.com/images/bumsexual.jpg
* SOLUTION TO EYEGROW GAME - we've had about
fifty emails from people saying, "for Christ's
sake. Don't ever post a link like that again.
You're making me fail my PhD." Anyway. Here's
one solution: box, tube, orange ball,
ladder, egg, mountain, fan, cog, cyclone,
dish, black ring then TV screen. Give it
a go.
http://www.interq.or.jp/silver/eye/grow/top.html
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* MONGY SQUIRRELS FROM THE PLANET SPACK -
preventing the AIDS with a cheeky wink.
* CHAVS IN SPACE - best place for them.
* A TORY GOVERNMENT - we've had enough of
these limp wristed liberals.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Lucy Reese, Chris Twigg,
akme, zero, clairywoowoo, A-MOL, Harriet_bp,
gareth_peel, KSiegersCTM, Shake, sjwinch and
special thanks to c Bailey.
Top Tippery by Mark Elton.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the kipper b4ta buckets. (72762)
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TOP TIP:
Dropped your coke? Gently turn the can upside
down, tap the bottom gently twice with your
finger and gently turn back. Hey Presto,
greatly reduced/no froth. Warning: this method
has its limits, and only works with average
shake ups.
BTW: Done a degree in physics? Go on. Make a
little page testing this out. We'll give you
a blowie.
