NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 181: "BARBIE ON THE BLOB"
This Week:
* ANIM - Return of Burnt Face Man
* GAME - Click the colour
* CONTROVERSY - was Lion King a rip-off?
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 181 - 13 May 2005
Read this issue in your browser:
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: SPONSORED LINKS
>> The Lab <<
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True or False, image quizzes, profile
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http://www.thelab.tv/
>> New flashness from Kerb <<
Again we've been plundering the old skool
games library and this time built something
that was influenced by the C64 classic
"Little Computer People".
http://snipurl.com/euvq
>> Advertise in B3ta <<
Want to buy this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Stroop effect, Shit ringtones, Fatpie & Ghosts
>> Burnt Face Man III <<
"Hello B3ta," greets Dave Firth of Fatpie fame,
"I was just wondering if you can mention my
brand new Burnt Face animation like you did
with the original cartoon a few months ago."
Not a problem Dave. Burnt Face Man is our hero,
and we know you're going to be a big, big star
- so want some reflected glory. BTW: Dave
also goes on to mention, "It actually ended
up on the BBC website thanks to you (I could
tell because they nicked what you said about
it instead of writing their own synopsis.)"
http://www.burntfaceman.com/3.htm
>> Click the colour, not the word <<
According to wikipedia, "The Stroop effect in
psychology is a demonstration of interference.
When colour words such as blue, green, red, etc.
are printed in various colours and someone is
asked to say the colour the words are printed
in rather than reading the words." Blimey.
But according to your Ginger Fuhrer, "It's a
good idea for a game with a lovely little
sing-song."
http://www2.b3ta.com/clickthecolour/
>> Ringtones can fuck off! <<
We can't turn on the TV recently without seeing
an advert for crappy ringtones. From Crazy
Frog to that little birdy-cunt tweeting away
like a twat. We hate them all. Reckless_Rik
has made a tribute to "make you want to turn
your anus inside out with a rusty screwdriver."
Presumably Jamster will be in touch, and Rik
is going to make millions.
http://www.headstaggers.com/
>> MP3: Fucked by a ghost <<
"I have made something cool", claims john_venables,
"a song about being fucked by a ghost." Now, we
try and avoid linking to MP3s in the newsletter,
but we did like this. I reminds us of the old
Underworld track that went "lager lager lager",
except with ghost-fucking.
http://snipurl.com/ev0g
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Sabotage
Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes
and lies into one handy place on the interweb.
Last week we asked for your stories of sabotage:
http://b3ta.com/questions/pettysabotage/
#1 Kumbaya m'Lord
"Not me - a schoolfriend of my dad's whose
father worked the quarries. With access to
a stash of small blasting caps, what can he
blow up? The toilets? The tuck shop? Nah...
He only goes and wires a small blasting cap
to the middle C on the piano in the hall...
Word gets out and thus approaches the most
anticipated assembly in the history of the
school. All proceeds as normal, then the
music teacher sits down for the usual hymn.
Kumbaya m'lord, Kumbay *BANG*
One destroyed piano, a music teacher with
brown pants and 250 hysterical kids."
(TooMuch2AM)
#2 Post-natal bladder weakness
"Whilst pregnant my wife was evil. Nothing
was ever right, everything was uncomfortable
and I had to do everything for her or else.
Like every doting husband should, I complied
fully and put up with it all. Until after
the birth, whereupon she developed a sudden
'bladder weakness' which meant that she wet
the bed nearly every night for about three
weeks...well, until I started to feel for
bad for pissing on her and making her think
she was incontinent..."
(downhill_without_brakes)
#3 Testicles
"Got a bloke drunk and bet him that he couldn't
get both his bollocks into a standard Marmite
jar. This is an easy feat: one simply pops
them in, one at a time. Unfortunately there
isn't room for both a plum and a digit,
negating the chances of removing said testicles.
Nothing makes Lord Manley happier than watching
a grown man's face as he holds a claw hammer
and contemplates smashing the glass jar which
houses his gonads." (Lord Manley)
>> This Week's Question <<
We'd like you to tell us about the petty
jobsworths you've encountered. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/jobsworths/
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Where the broadbandits get their lo-rez kicks
>> Lucy in the Sky with Shatner <<
Big Bill Shatner's singing career has been long
and unvaried. This video goes to much, much
more effort than the Shat ever put in to his
singing lessons.
http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/29841/
>> Laughing yoga <<
Can this be real? Watch the tiny, wizened yoga
master practice his ancient Indian art of
cackling like a loon whilst wearing robes.
Very mystical, in a Yoda-style way.
http://snipurl.com/laughingyoga
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Menstrual Barbie mod <<
Words fail us when trying to figure something
like this out. Why would a seemingly normal
German chappie go to the trouble of extensively
modifying a normal Barbie with drills and
elaborate piping systems so he can pretend she's
on the blob. Oh, and he makes teeny tiny
tampons for her too. Which is cute. Kind of.
http://www.darmon.homeip.net/fun/barbie/barbie.htm...
>> Sexy French AIDS poster <<
Ah those Frenchies eh? Even their AIDS campaigns
have that certain je ne sais what. It's worth
taking a look at these hard-hitting posters
featuring beautiful men and ladies making love
to spiders and scorpions.
http://lev.kcgeek.com/images/French_AIDS_posters.j...
>> Eating moles <<
Yep. But not the kind of mole that lives in
your garden. Oh no. That would be unhygienic.
Cutting off, cooking and eating the horrid
little nodules from some bloke's back. We suppose
if he's a good friend you wouldn't want to
cannibalise him all at one sitting.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/coelacanthm/38246...
>> Poochy scooters <<
A scooter with a little hoop to strap your dog
into. We suspect it's so your canine chum can
share your exercise fun. But it probably comes
in handy getting you up hills. All you'd need
is a stick with a bone on a string.
http://hometown.aol.com/mschue5938/dogpoweredscoot...
>> Star Wars Bollux <<
Anything Star Wars from after 1983 is smeared in
our minds as maybe being just a little bit crap.
Looks like one of the franchise's writers felt
the same and sneaked in a new character whose
name reflects the truth.
http://www.starwars.com/databank/droid/bollux/eu.h...
>> Great statistics <<
Genuinely interesting page that gives a running
counter on all the important world statistics:
births, deaths, lightning strikes to the earth
and tonnes of poo produced so far this year.
Very handy. Especially the poo.
http://www.worldometers.info/
>> Enigmatic information signs <<
Signposts are odd things really - they're
supposed to tell you stuff, but you can
only understand them if you already know
what they're trying to say. Here's a
wide-ranging collection from around the world,
apparently warning of things like cows falling off
cliffs and the perils of Gestapo fish.
http://www.swanksigns.org/gallery2.asp
>> "Lion King was a rip-off" <<
Did Disney steal the story for its animated
smash from a 1960s Japanese TV show? Craig
Andersen certainly thinks so, and his shot-by-shot
analysis comparing Lion King to animated classic
Kimba The White Lion makes it look like barefaced
corporate plagiarism too. Huzzah.
http://www.kimbawlion.com/rant2.htm
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from 18 Certificate Films Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted you to remake 18 certificate
films for children.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/18toU/
We asked b3ta boarder 'The Duke of Prunes' to
judge the entries - here are his 3 faves.
The Duke writes -
#1 "Watch With Mother - when I saw this it made
Ribena come out my nose, I think the look
on Barney's face as he falls down the steps
is beezer! (Mantrid)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4613048
#2 "Your mother folds socks in the hall - it's
very nicely done, you can't go wrong with
Pob, it's swell!. (Zak McFlimby)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4611848
#3 "Hitchcock's The Birdies - I like its
simplicity and it made me make a
laughing noise. (zedd)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4601316
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, the Challenge Dictator wants us to
blow the whistle on conspiracies everywhere.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/conspiracy/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* HOOK-WANKING - Alabaster Codify reminisces,
"The website with the 'hooked' gentleman
made me shudder a little as it reminded me
of a kid in my school who had a similar
hooked hand, which was battery operated.
One day he closed the hook around a railing,
and his battery died. This left him fixed
to the fence. He was stuck there crying,
being mocked by his peers for a good 10
minutes before someone went to get a teacher.
The way old Hooky in the website squeezes his
cock made me wonder- what happens if HIS
battery dies?"
* CHOCOLATE POLISHES METAL - Carl informs us,
"Being hung over as sin this morning, I
reversed my hire car into a lamp post
at Sainsbury's. So I thought I'd try out the
chocolate polishing as advocated in the recent
B3TA firelighting tip - and it worked! Soft
rag, warm chocolate and a bit of elbow grease
removed all visible trace of the scratching.
Right result."
* JAPANESE ERRATA - only about 30,000 people have
pointed this out, but they were Korean babies.
Like we fucking care.
* WANK TO THE MOON - jacockshaw writes - "Regarding
the wankometer chappie, I do believe that he
has failed to take into account the fact that
he needs to overcome the gravity of earth first
to get to the moon surely? In the simplest way,
by using the laws of conservation of energy,
he would have to put in 1150 wanks a second
just to get up to speed for take off."
* MAD SQUIRREL LADY - GregorLenko points out,
"in the Squirrel Nutter story, you don't make
enough of the fact that Kelly Foxton 'rescued'
that poor little critter 'from a tree'."
* NERD FLASH - similar to the predictive text
stuff we've mentioned recently, jon l writes,
"There's an odd thing in Microsoft Word:
"jesus" is not automatically corrected to
a capital J whereas "hitler" is." Woo. This
makes us as happy as when we learnt that
searching for "monkeys" in a Microsoft
clip-art application it produced photos
of affluent black people.
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: FRIDAY GAME
Crappy Nappies
It's not often you'll get pissed on by a flying
alien in nappies, but this short little game's
got that and lots more frankly bonkers Japanese
animation. When the whistle blows it's up to you
to drag things around to get to the next bit.
http://www.page.sannet.ne.jp/akira-iga/survivoo/in...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* iPOD BOMBS - apparent the battery will
explode when stabbed with a screw driver.
Can anyone sneak one onto a passenger jet?
* ADVERTISING ENQUIRIES - that don't expect
the advertising to be free. Er..
the dictionary definition is, "The activity
of attracting public attention to a product
or business, as by paid announcements in the
print, broadcast, or electronic media."
* TAMPONS FOR SQUIRRELS - we've just noticed
that a Swan cigarette filter-tip would make
a perfect jam-rag for a tree-rat. Maybe the
mad squirrel lady should take note.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Subscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Dobsky, Mykeyboy, Parrot of
doom, trench, Barnaclese
Top Tippery by filthy_gringo.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Image challenge handled by Mystery Bob.
Proofing by rather nice people at b4ta.
(102078-25560)
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TOP TIP:
De-stalk your iceberg lettuce by bashing it
(stalk-down) on the table. Your stalk will
fall out in one piece, leaving handfuls
of lovely lettuce for a nice salad.
