NEWSLETTER: "MEAT SPECIAL. NO SECRET VEGETARIAN SUBTEXT AT ALL."
This Week:
* MEAT - Fertilised eggs
* MORE MEAT - What does cat food taste like?
* BONUS GRATIS MEAT - Cooking a pigs head
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're eating the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| meat... together"
B3ta email 250 - 13 Oct 2006
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue250/
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsub: [email protected]
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: SPONSORED LINK
Win Stuff with Virgin
Heads up B3tards. Next weeks image challenge
is brought to you by Virgin Money. Big deal
you might say? Well, the winners might have
their work used in a future ad campaign. Fame,
power and money will surely follow. If not,
there's always the consolation of an Xbox 360
and PSP's up for grabs.
Check out B3ta next Wednesday for details.
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Retro computing, Gay Trains, Mentalism & Cars
>> Mental animation <<
Mutated Monty has been brightening up our
image challenges for years now with his
patented brand of mentalism. Recently he's
been experimenting montaging his clips. Your
brain will suffer.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/cyriak_s_animation_mix
>> The Gay Train <<
Remember MJ Hibbett and his Hey Hey 16k song?
Well, the boy is back with a touching tune
about getting mixed up with the gay pride
festival on the London Underground. You Ginger
Fuhrer is the bloke behind the camera, and he
makes a sinister cameo towards the end.
http://www.mjhibbett.net/gaytrain
>> Computer game evolution <<
"Inspired by a ZX81 version of Donkey Kong",
intones Monkeon, "I have made a small report
to show how much games have evolved over the
years." Personally we prefer the look of the
stuff in the 80s, maybe we're just old cunts,
but it just looks cooler.
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/gameevolution/
>> Big car made of little cars <<
"Yo", barks James Robertford, "You've featured
a couple of my projects before and thought
this one might interest too - it's taken 3
years to complete and 4,500 toy cars and now
I'm selling it on eBay!" Truly a thing of
wonder.
http://snipurl.com/ebaycar
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Two DJs are talking to each other, one says to
the other "want to go and see a movie?" So the
other replies "I don't know, who's the
projectionist?"
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: MEAT CORNER
What B3ta people have been eating this week
>> Fertilised eggs <<
B3tard Balut is one a one man mission to eat
the most disgusting food in the world. This
week he's scoffing boiled fertilised duck
eggs. Apparently considered a delicacy in
Asia, but possibly it's just something they
serve to gullible tourists.
http://foodtube.livejournal.com/890.html
>> Cat food <<
Ever wondered if cat food is tastier than dog
food? JimmerUK has, and has put it to the
test. Yep, he eats both and brings forth the
results for the b3ta-reading public. The
stinky-mouthed fool!
http://www.jimmeruk.com/petfood.html
>> Pigs head <<
Not to be outdone by people eating cat food
and fertilised eggs, B3tas official chef
Fraser has eaten a face made of pig. Grimmest
bit? Removing the porcine earwax.
http://www.blogjam.com/2006/10/11/head-cheese/
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: QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK
Regrets & Road rage
As we didn't run a newsletter last week, we've
got a lot to get through.
Two weeks ago we were wanted your biggest
regrets. Stuff that caught our eye included:
* WANKING SHAME
"I download porn. And each time I tell myself
I'll make a porn folder and keep the best ones
on my computer. So I start downloading a few
different ones. Then when the first one's
downloaded I have a wank and immediately go
'oh, porn's a bit gross', and delete
everything (including going into the recycle
bin and deleting it from there). Then I regret
that." (apeloverage)
* LESBIAN PORN
"I regret leaving 'What I'm listening to' on
on MSN Messenger, installing the Winamp plugin
and then watching lesbian porn movies."
(wonderbrawl)
* GAY BLOOD
"I regret going to donate blood today. They
told me they didn't want my gay blood. Then I
was put on a database to ban me from ever
donating in the UK. Then I had to sign a form
to confirm I was gay, which will be forever
held in an archive somewhere. It feels like I
have a fucking criminal record." (StrongBad)
And there's more where that came from.
http://b3ta.com/questions/regrets/
We also asked about your Road Rage incidents,
but frankly the newsletter is getting a bit
long, so go and read them on the site.
http://b3ta.com/questions/roadrage/
We're now after the most useless advice you've
ever been told.
http://b3ta.com/questions/uselessadvice/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Tim Westwood soundboard <<
Westwood is everyone's favourite
bombastically cheesy hip hop DJ. Now you can,
essentially, recreate his entire show with ths
simple compilation of stock phrases and SFX.
It reminds us scarily of those old Fluff
Freemen and Tommy Vance rock extravaganzas.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/westwood/soundboard.sh...
>> "Fuck me for a fiver" <<
A smart bit of marketing by this prostitute;
punters put a fiver each into the pot and the
winner... well, you get the picture.
http://www.adultwork.co.uk/ViewProfile.asp
>> Tampon Shooter <<
Tampons: only really useful one week a month -
so what to do the rest of the time. Why not
make a fancy blowgun for slightly icky
paintball fun?
http://www.tamponcrafts.com/gun.html
>> Lookalikes <<
Photographer Francois Brunelle has shot a
series of portraits of north American and
European lookalikes. It's interesting stuff;
you wind up making up stories about why they
look they way they do.
http://haha.nu/amazing/im-not-a-look-a-like/
>> The best stuff in the world <<
Just exactly that - a big tiled blob of
people's favourite things, as voted for by the
site's users. This leads to the rather
alarming situation where Chuck Norris looms
significantly larger than sandwiches.
http://www.thebeststuffintheworld.com/
>> Programmer's secret message <<
Ever wanted to convert a mySql db to Access or
vice versa? Well, us neither. But sit through
a minute of this demo and there's a
blink-and-you'll-miss-it sign that whoever
made it was as bored as you. Pay attention
when it gets to the 'Customization' bit and
read the available categories in the pulldown
on the right. Naughty.
http://www.data-conversions.net/flash/mycql_access...
>> Land of Rape and Honey <<
Dramatic but not, perhaps, the most enticing
tourist slogan. Nonetheless, that's what the
Canadian town of Tisdale has plumped for.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/navvywavvy/212052352/
>> Jesus in a dog's arse <<
Nicely done bit of photoshoppery, creating a
simulacrum of the Lamb of God from the
puckered anus of three-year-old terrier Angus
McDougall. There's the odd smile to be had
from the comments section too.
http://snipurl.com/xddh
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Pugs
Possibly the best collection of pug photos in
the world ever. Despite the fact that we think
dogs are shit, even we thought this lot were
cute.
http://www.funpic.hu/funblog/pugs/pugs.html
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
$1.65 billion for YouTube, where's our cut?
>> Should I stay or should I go? <<
UK politics cut-up with Tony Blair giving a
convincing rendition of the Clash classic to
an appreciative Gordon Brown and David
Cameron. Very pleasingly edited and - oooh,
topical!
http://snipurl.com/fuckingbrilliant
>> Nigerian midgets get hassled <<
We almost started thinking this was a spoof,
it's just so peculiar. Midgets in Nigeria
fight to overcome prejudice against them and
fear of their supernatural powers by making
socially conscious films. In 'Nollywood'. Huh?
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Model to billboard in 60 seconds <<
Speeded-up footage showing the process of
making a beauty product poster, from
photoshoot to the final billboard result.
Amazing, the amount of work that goes into it.
Also, speeded-up film is funny. Hehe. It's a
viral-schmiral for something, but who gives a
shit?
http://snipurl.com/betteradthanmost
>> 'A picture a day' spoof <<
Taking a picture a day and then bunging them
all together in a video has been something of
an internet craze lately - usually with pretty
mournful results. This spoof raised a smile
with the main guy's constantly switching
enthusiasms..
http://www.oldeenglish.org/podcast/one-picture-eve...
>> Battle of the bands <<
Violence erupts between some of the best album
covers of all time in this clever animated
short.
http://motionographer.com/media/battle_adbands-w.m...
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: ASK THE B3TARDS
For when Google can't help
>> Tickling kittens <<
Last we we asked why cats go mental if your
scratch the base of their spines.
Kreniigh writes - "My friends have 3 cats, and
while one of them gets violent when scratched
at the base of the tail, the other two like
it. Since the two that like it are spayed
males, and the violent one is a female, it
must be something like a prostate massage. No
wonder most cats are touchy about it!"
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the last two challenges
Last week we asked you to show us how
superheroes might cope with old age.
Your favourites included:
* BOWEL MOVEMENTS - Superman turns the
increasing unreliability of his digestive
tract to his advantage (mutated monty)
* ALZHEIMERS - That's the problem with old
age: all that wisdom, and errr... where was I
again? (Leningrad)
* AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! - In which Marvel Comics'
most popular team of Superheroes gather for
one last job. (FoldsFive)
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/old_superheroes/
Two weeks ago we wanted to know how aliens
would cope when faced with everyday life on
Earth.
Your favourites included:
* FRISBEE - Dog + Spaceship = Frisbee Magic
(timpractical)
* CAT ARMY - a rare insight into the secret
feline plot to bring the human race to heal
(mofaha)
* TESCO VALUE - Captain Kirk would embrace
that famous blue and white stripes (Damocles)
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/aliens/
>> New challenge: Celebrity Death <<
Which celebrity would you most like to see
dead? And more importantly, how? Michael
Winner, perhaps? Cheesegrated into an early
grave? Show us the glorious, appropiate deaths
of the rich and famous... Challenge suggested
by Afinkawan
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/celebrity_death/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* CASSETTEBOY CREDIT, "Thanks to the B3TA
newsletter", writes Mike Cassette, "I have
just listened to Harry Potter And The Underage
Blow Job. This piece of audio was made by
Cassetteboy. I am aware of it because I am
one half of Cassetteboy, the half who spent
hours trying to make Stephen Fry say 'Blow
Job' in fact." Oops, so big yays to Mr Tapey,
and we hope we hear more great work from you
in the future.
* MUSHROOMS YAY - "Thanks for putting up that
nice lil shroom map", mongs SirLollyPork, "As
its saved me a long trek through the country
when it all it took was a trip up the road."
http://shroomr.com/
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* BRANDWAGONING - notice how all these Web 2.0
sites look the same? Why not run all their
logos together set to the old Cure song with
the words, "It's finally happened, they're
finally all the same, 'cause everybody is
jumping everybody else's train." We'd like it
anyway.
* SAUSAGE ART - can you make the Mona Lisa
entirely out of sausages? We bet you can.
* ZX81 DRAW - make an online drawing package
which only uses the old Sinclair character
set. For extra points, let everyone paint
simultaneously like drawball.com
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Subscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by flurokitty,
Mushroom gfreeman, Kundalini, Glenn D'Jackson.
Top Tippery by Clairebare. Additional linkage
and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike
Trinder is QOTW bloke.
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TOP TIP:
Murders! Wash your blood stained clothes in
cold water, as hot water makes the blood stick.
