NEWSLETTER: "OMG THEY WANT TO START CHARGING FOR B3TA PUT THIS IN UR STATUS THIS IS SERIOUS"
This Week:
* ITV - "loves" video games
* LLAMAS - cutest font ever
* FOREIGN - Top YouTube LOLs in other countries
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're selling off
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | your kittens
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 498 - 30 Sept 2011
Read this issue in braille by poking holes in paper:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue498/
Subbuteo: [email protected]
Unsubbuteo: [email protected]
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: SPONSORED LINK
Joypad for Android phone / iPhone
Playing games on your smartphone is all very
good but if you try playing anything with an
onscreen emulated keyboard you're utterly
fucked - the experience is rubbish. That's why
you need iControlPad. It's made by Craig
Rothwell, an old-school b3tan who was behind
importing the GP32s years ago. Works a treat
with TurboGrafx emulators on the Android. Go on,
buy one before your retrogaming nipples go soft.
http://www.icontrolpad.com/
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us. We don't bite
unless that's what you want to pay us for.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Cats, Shopping, ITV and Murder
>> webuyanycat.com <<
"So, you're no longer smitten with your kitten.
You've had enough of your bundle of fluff..."
begins Cats4Gold. "That's why, in a moment of
warped inspiration, we created webuyanycat.com –
the cat buying service that's so good, it's
unreal."
http://www.webuyanycat.com/
>> Late Night Shopping 3 <<
"Well sexy," brags Weebl, who has a crush on the
supermarket checkout girl. We'd describe this as
dubstep, if we could agree on what that is.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Late_Night_Shopping_3
>> ITV Luvs Video Games <<
Nice little spoof by dogfood, ripping the piss
out of ITV, who recently got caught out
including computer game footage in one of their
documentaries. Doh.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/ITV_Luvs_Video_Games
>> Murderer's Gardener's World <<
"Titchmarsh goes off his tits," explains
liambauckham of this peculiarly sinister Sunday
afternoon programming.
http://goo.gl/xua5E
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
B3ta fixes the world
We asked for your most over-simplified, ill
thought through instant fixes for society. We
got some lovely, silly ideas and some full on
ranty rants that we're still reeling from:
http://b3ta.com/questions/fixtheworld/
* SERIOUS, RADICAL CHANGE - "All your ideas for
fixing the world are well-meaning, but
ultimately naïve. The world will be improved by
them in certain cosmetic respects, but the big
problems will remain unaddressed. What the world
needs is a genuine vision. Something that will
shake it to the core, raze it and start again. A
radical change. Epoch-making. Tectonic. We must
rebuild the world in such a way as to mean that
the old world is not just a memory; it must not
be a memory at all. We must prepare for
something cataclysmic. Nothing else will do. And
if we examine the darkest and deepest recesses
of our collective souls, we know what form this
cataclysm must take. Friends, B3tans, lurkers,
all. There is no time to hesitate. Now is the
time for action. The label must be redesigned so
that it actually fits bottles of Angostura
bitters." (Enzyme)
* STEP, STEP, BOINGY - "Trampolines that look
like paving slabs hidden in the pavement. Just
to keep people alert. I for one would arrive at
work 75% happier if I had accidentally done a
somersault on my way in." (PERSONALITY HORSE)
* OOH! AAH! AARGH! - "Make fireworks dangerous
again. Over the years there’s been lots of rule
changes to make fireworks safer and safer. Fuck
that. If the kids in my street are going to keep
me awake for most of October and November, I at
least want the satisfaction of knowing that some
of the little scrotes have blown their fingers
off, or at least lost an eye." (Ring Of Fire)
>> This Week's Question - Crap Gadgets <<
Our power adapter drawer stands testament to
the sheer number of crappy electric doodads
we've thought were the best thing ever for,
ooh, a week. Tell us about your own:
http://b3ta.com/questions/crapgadgets/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Say it with llamas <<
A font. Made of llamas. Does what it says on the
tin. Assuming the tin says, "makes lamas" on it.
http://llamafont.com/
>> Goatse as Industrial Sabotage <<
@TovHarris writes, "Can you put this in the
B3ta newsletter please?" Oh go on then, we love
a left-wing politically-motivated goatse theory.
http://t.co/dNYEDsOA
>> What was "mummy brown"? <<
You see that pre-Raphaelite painting? A bit
brown, isn't it? Guess how they made the brown.
MUMMY BROWN IS DEAD PEOPLE. Really.
http://is.gd/VVFHVe
>> Want to see your home destroyed? <<
Type your address in here. Clever google map
stuff only slightly ruined by a naff US-style
postbox. Warning: it's probably an ad for
something but just so the advertising doesn't
work, it's probably an ad for something shit.
http://www.chaosinyourtown.com
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like radio with fuzzy pictures
>> Let's Be Careful Out There <<
Cop Rock was a 90s police drama by legendary
Hill Street Blues producer Steven Bochco. The
twist being that it was a musical, played
completely straight. Yeah.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Thunder LOLcats <<
Memes are totally over - tell your friends.
Thundercats parody larded with an infinity of
silly internet in-jokes. You'll love it or hate
it. Or love it AND hate it.
http://www.youtu.be/O0dj-xdg_FY
>> Puerile apple fun <<
Watch the ad, while repeatedly pressing '6' on
your keyboard. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
http://bit.ly/rajFEC
>> Juggalos speak their minds <<
Great documentary, as a bloke takes his camera
round the annual gathering of hardcore Insane
Clown Posse fans. A glimpse into somewhere
genuinely odd.
http://vimeo.com/29589320
>> Say No to Suicide <<
Heartfelt bit of stuff from Scroobius Pip.
Although, to be fair, we thought the whole
*point* of suicide is to make your family sad.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Crikey:5
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the 'Three Frame Movie' Challenge
Last week we wanted you to use your powers of
editing to make jokes out of films.
Our favourites included:
* ET - possibly with Eliot played by the young
George Osborne. (Lord Kronos)
http://b3ta.com/board/10545574
* PLANET OF THE APES - crazy monkey sex has
consequences. (Puromycin)
http://b3ta.com/board/10545000
* BIG - Tom Hanks grows up. (Monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/10548768
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/threeframes/
>> New challenge: Unlikely film merchandise <<
Merchandise for films that normally wouldn't
have merchandise. The Last Tango in Paris Butter
Dish, Se7ev Happy Meal Jack in a Box. Titanic
bath toy. Oh you can do better, and that's why
this is a challenge.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/mechandiseforunlikelyfil...
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* FORIEGN FUNNIES - @mikenco suggests, "Use
Google translate. Translate the word 'funny' (or
whatever) into another language. Paste that word
into Youtube. E.g. this is what comes up for
'funny' in Arabic."
http://t.co/FAYaPJBc
* WHAT B3TA'S CAL DID NEXT - looks utterly
amazing too.
http://t.co/a3PiPO7q
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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Still about as funny as cancer
* BEST TYPO EVER - until the next best typo ever.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/best_typo_ever
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* iPHONES TO BE WATERPROOF - our £5 Casio
digital watch is. FFS Apple, sort it out.
* MEAT JAM - boil up a fuckload of sausages,
sugar and pectin. Surely this would be
delicious.
* A VERSION OF TWITTER FOR 80 CHAR TWEETS - we
haven't got the attention span anymore.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @SirDoofusStyles,
acroline, webade, olderandwider, pieceoplastic,
@andygoulding, danabnormal, finnbar &
annefgreaves. Top Tippery by fluffybunnykiller.
Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser
Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Sujlols by AD7.
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TOP TIP:
Convince friends and family that you are gay by
frequently denying it.
