NEWSLETTER: "NEWSLETTER DETAINED FOR 9 HOURS WITHOUT CHARGE."
This Week:
* ANIMATION - Racist brainstorming
* EXPLANATION - Bees!
* LOCATION - Locate the London Location
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the Nanny State
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| from hurting itself"
B3ta email 595 - 23 Aug 2013
Poke at this newsletter with a dirty stick:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue595
In : [email protected]
Not In : [email protected]
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Racism, Porn Filter, Bees, Exploitation and Anti-Food
>> Brainstormtroopers <<
"This was topical," writes somegreybloke, "when
it was commissioned by a TV channel I'm not
allowed to name. Then I made it, then some
lawyers dicked around for 2 weeks discussing it
and now I'm not getting paid and here it is."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Brainstormtroopers
>> Barley Says - Porn Filter <<
"I've done another 'Barley Says' for Mashed,"
writes mozza. "This time Barley takes on the
nanny state."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Barley_Says_Porn_Filter
>> Bee Colony Collapse <<
"A song about this very serious matter," offers
weebl. We think he's hit on the genuine
explanation. Powerful stuff. Powerful, cockney
stuff.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bee_Colony_Collapse
>> Marketing the DaVinci exhibition <<
"Some things never change," writes HappyToast.
"This is a little thing by me and monkeon."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1053494
>> Anti-food blog <<
"I hate pretentious food blogs," writes colmq2.
So he attempted to make the exact opposite. "I
generally use horrible ingredients and take
very, very bad pictures."
http://myfoodeeblog.wordpress.com/
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Things I've gone off
Last week we asked about things you used to
like, but have now gone off. Who knew fucking
trees and drinking heavily would no longer be
fun when we grew up?
* FOX - "This is Samantha Fox" declared my mate,
sweating heavily next to a tree with a knife in
his hand. He pointed at a large "M" shape carved
in the bark. "These are her tits," he said
proudly. "And this," he explained, pointing at a
scratched-out sappy triangle, "is her fanny."
"Right-ho" I said. "Now what?" "Now we fuck
her." He clambered back up onto the branch, and
began humping his crotch against the shaking
limb. "It's brilliant!" he announced as he
thrusted. "Come up and have a go!" I went home,
took my Samantha Fox poster down from the wall,
and threw it in the bin. (Wet-chinned bag
shanker)
* TRIFLE - I recall getting really excited by
trifle as a kid, so I made one recently and sat
there wondering what the fuck I was doing eating
layers of cold custard, tinned fruit, cake
crumbs soaked in rum, and cream, with hundreds
and thousands on top. I mean, cold custard is
pretty shit. The whole thing was shit. If I want
fruit in booze, I'll drink Pimms. This is why
adults don't eat trifle. It's shit.
(IHateSprouts)
* GIN – I went off gin after a night on some
ropey 90% proof shit from the Philippines that
saw me vomiting for 4 hours straight and then
walking across Waterloo Bridge in my nightdress
and passing out on the Strand. Then I went off
vodka with diet coke after a night on some ropey
own brand from Kwik Save that tasted
suspiciously of almonds and saw me vomiting for
4 hours straight and passing out face down in a
flowerbed whilst my so-called friends took
pictures of me. They only thought that I might
have died about 3 hours later. I had previously
gone off whisky after a night on some seriously
ropey shit that we mixed with fresh orange in
the absence of anything better (we were 14) and
saw me vomiting for about 4 hours straight the
following morning whilst trying to hide it from
my parents. Bit of a theme here (Rachelswipe)
>> This week – LEAD BALLOON <<
Have you tried to be funny and failed horribly?
Or have you witnessed someone crash and burn by
either being plain unfunny or offensively
unfunny?
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/leadballoon/
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: SAVE THE BADGERS
By buying some cool t-shirts
"We're raising money for badger vaccinations,"
write Brian Blessed's people to our people.
"Any help greatly appreciated."
We like badgers and we like Brian Blessed. If
you feel the same, buy a t-shirt. Every sale
includes a £5 donation to Team Badger.
http://www.brianblessed.com/
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: UsVsTh3m
That 'other' comedy website
>> Locate the London Location <<
You're dropped into random London locales via
the magic of StreetView. Can you guess roughly
where you are?
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/london/
>> How Much is That House? <<
Test your/your significant other's house price
obsession to the absolute limit, valuing houses
around the UK.
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/howmuchisthathouse/
>> What do British people call 'Tig'? <<
We asked 986 people what they called the
playground game 'tig', how they referred to
their evening meal and what they call a small
bread roll. Interesting maps resulted.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/58778295395/we-asked
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> What Rhymes With "Hug Me"? <<
Poor Robin Thicke couldn't think of a rhyme in
"Blurred Lines", but this website is here to
help. For example, he could have said "Let's
play rugby".
http://www.whatrhymeswithhug.me/
>> GIF dance party <<
Make your own GIF dance and party like it's
1999.
http://fuzzywobble.s3-website-us-east-1.amazonaws....
>> Street Ghosts <<
Weird, arty protest against Google StreetView's
unauthorised use of people's images… by taking
those images and putting them onto walls, which
are then photographed again by Google
StreetView.
http://streetghosts.net/
>> Adult Cat Finder <<
Having a hard time connecting with adult cats
in your area?
http://adultcatfinder.com/
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Tiny, sorcerous paintings that move!
>> Dolly Parton "Jolene" at 33rpm <<
Slowed down, so that Dolly sounds like a man,
adds an interesting twist to the story.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1051110
>> Magic Beard <<
Kindly father entertains his young children
with a stop-motion film of amazing beard tricks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Librarians recreate Beastie Boys Sabotage <<
Or at least, they do their best. Badass.
http://vimeo.com/66169135
>> Real-life Alan Partridge <<
Utterly cringe-worthy 'celebrity endorsement',
as Channel 4 racing commentator Tommo visits a
hotel in Doncaster. The extras could not look
any more embarrassed - and extras have a high
threshold for that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Grumpy Cat interviewed on Australian news <<
Promoting her new book, Tardar Source takes to
the airwaves with predictable results.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Quadcopter hits groom in the head <<
Wedding photographer loses control of camera
drone at the worst possible time. Here's the
footage it recorded.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Bad Sports Challenge
Last week we wanted you to recall the
sports that never caught on
Your favourites included:
* POTATO: children's party game prepares
contestant for emergency burns unit
(thanatos)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10997273
* RASH: Merrick-channeling Top Gear
buffoon endures uncomfortable drag
(Captain Howdy)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10996673
* DIZZY: Dutch king of tessellation
titillation accommodates kayak
(mike woz ere)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10996837
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/badsports/
>> New challenge: Fridges! <<
"Fridges are cool," says dolphinwhisperer.
"Need I say more?" No, dolphinwhisperer,
you don't. And that's why your suggestion
is this week's one-word image manipulation
challenge. Fridges!
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/fridge/
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* PLANT WHISPERER - Somebody to come round and
tell us why our window box herbs keep dying.
It's depressing.
* A DISCRETIONARY EXTRA FIVE HOURS IN THE DAY -
Not increase productivity, just to waste
mucking about.
* A NEW FOOD that people find as hilarious as
bacon, but that we are considerably less bored
with.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Left: [email protected]
Right: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by people. Top people.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Top tip via sir_spicious2000 and sandettie light
vessel automatic.
Subjlol via joefish .
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TOP TIP:
Overcooked bacon. Can make a delicious
meat-spoon when eating Pot Noodles.
TOP TIP #2:
Make the day seem special by cutting your
sandwiches into triangles. Also tip a packet of
crisps into a bowl.
