NEWSLETTER: "CAN'T PROPER SENTENCE BECAUSE INTERNET"
This Week:
* CRUDE - Cock-based Ant & Dec
* TRUTH - facts of being an old fart
* BANGER - in a cow-pat
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Je ne
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | sais pas
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| pourquoi"
B3ta email 608 - 22 Nov 2013
Eat these words:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue608
Subs : [email protected]
Unsub : [email protected]
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
>> Conan gets Smeariaked <<
"I teamed up with the Mutated Monty on this
musical retrospective video for Conan O'Brien,"
writes smearballs. "I've always been a big fan
so it was great to be able to collaborate -
video fuckery at its finest!"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Conan_gets_Smeariaked
>> Morrisons Crudely-Drawn Christmas <<
Funnier than it has any right to be, for being
Ant & Dec noshing on doodled, crimson penises.
Well done, The Twisted Omentum.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Morrisons_Crudely_Drawn_...
>> Epic Pants Split feat. Van Damme <<
"He's fairly well hung it turns out," gasps
smearballs, about his revamp of the Jean Claude
Van Damme at that has the internet a-flutter.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Epic_Pants_Split_feat_Va...
>> London Underground service information sign maker <<
"Something I knocked up," explains chippy. Now
you can generate your own 'hand-written Tube
information signs, with messages uplifting or
considerably otherwise.
http://tubesign.herokuapp.com/
>> World's most amazing shed interiors <<
"Here are sheds that look a bit like off the
shelf sheds you can buy anywhere – but look
what the sheddie has done to them!" exclaims
shed enthusiast and Sheddie Award Authority
unclewilco.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1100042/
-------------------------------------------------
: USVSTH3M
We made this - hope you like it
* 39 things only men approaching 40 will
understand. All of them are beautifully,
heartbreakingly true, not all of them are about
body hair.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/67749620205/
* Where the Hell is Hull? It's City of Culture
2017 and everybody had a good laugh, but can you
locate the famously 'grim' northern city?
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/hull/
* 11 parental IT support issues you can expect
if you go home this holiday. Yes, it's almost
that magical time of the year when you go see
your folks, to spend three days fixing their
installation of Windows '98.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/67745798368/
-------------------------------------------------
: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Attention-whoring
Last week we asked what ridiculous things have
you or others done to grab the limelight?
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/attentionwhore/
* "Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,
me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,
me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,
me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
"Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,
me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,
me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!"
(Pig Bodine)
>> This Week - Job Interview <<
"The boss showed me the shop floor, complete
with loose floor tiles, out-of-date equipment
and prospective colleagues eyeing me like a raw
steak. 'Christ, what a craphole,' I said. I
think that's the moment I blew it." (Scaryduck)
Tell us how you didn't (or even *did*) get the job.
http://b3ta.com/questions/
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> "Dear New World Order" petition <<
Got any conspiracy nutters in your life? Post
this on your FB wall and see if they bite...
http://goo.gl/vxzh3H
>> Love-doll tea party <<
We find love-dolls a bit too... corpsey, for
want of a better word. Anyway, check out these
peculiar photos of a get-together for members
of a love-doll enthusiast forum. NSFW a couple
of shots.
http://imgur.com/a/ZpIOL
>> Sad desk lunches <<
Over half of us eat lunch at our desks these
days. But, still, some people make more of an
effort than others - many of these are just
plain depressing.
http://saddesklunch.com/
>> Bad engagement photos <<
These pics run the gamut of cheesey poses,
terrible locations, over-ambitious use of
Photoshop. But we have a sneaky liking for some
of them. Better that people do something that
reflects their personality than conform to some
po-faced notion of 'good taste'.
http://badengagementphotos.tumblr.com/
>> Make a deal with the universe <<
Your chance to write one of those visualisation
notes for the Universe to give you what you
want. If it's good enough for Noel Edmonds,
it's more than good enough for you.
http://www.makeadealwiththeuniverse.com/
-------------------------------------------------
: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
You've been FRAPSed. Or something.
>> Students think video cam is a still cam <<
Hilariously awkward, as smiles and poses become
increasingly strained.
http://goo.gl/AXs0nk
>> Bob Dylan’s ‘Like A Rolling Stone’ <<
The problem of online video is it's asking you
stop clicking for a few minutes, sit back and
watch. The clever bods who put together this
video for grumpy, old Bob Zimmerman have
recognised this and filmed multiple video
tracks for you to flick through.
http://video.bobdylan.com/desktop.html
>> Banger in a cowpat <<
You know how this is going to end - you know!
But you're still going to watch it - who could
resist?
http://www.youtube.com/watch
-------------------------------------------------
: FUNNY NAME CORNER
* Bad translation or animal welfare issue?
Computer game takes disturbing twist.
http://i.imgur.com/ZCrTt2O.jpg
* Extremely Freudian NSA spy station. We knew
it was a male-dominated world, but wow.
http://goo.gl/2ujDfT
-------------------------------------------------
: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Pet Instructions Challenge
Last week we wanted you to celebrate beards
Your favourites included:
* PARADOX: Austrian physicist develops quantum
theory via medium of IKEA (Captain Howdy)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11029347
* ORIFICE: toilet-completing moggy receives final
instruction (robneymcplum)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11029728
* BIRDY: startled starlings flee forming flying
face (Penultimate Straw)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11030755
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/pet-instructions/
>> New challenge: Past People Today <<
If famous people of the past were alive today,
what would they be doing? How would they change
the world again? monkeon wants to know, and it's
this week's challenge to tell him.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/past-people-today/
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include:
* A NEW SCIENCE - we already failed at biology,
chemistry and physics. What else is there?
* A MORE PLEASANT WAY TO WAKE UP in the morning
than being quacked at by a robo-duck. At least,
that's what it feels like.
* A CURE FOR THE COMMON COLD. Come on, it's
been ages - are we being out-thought by germs?
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
-------------------------------------------------
subscribe: [email protected]
unsub: [email protected]
-------------------------------------------------
THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by GeordieJay,
UltimateMonkey, Sir Sand GOBLIN, sinisterduck,
Queef In a Jar.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
this is your amygdala is QOTW bloke.
-------------------------------------------------
TOP TIP:
Look here
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/
