NEWSLETTER: "IT MAY BE FULL OF BOLLOCKS BUT AT LEAST IT'S NOT THE DAILY MAIL"
This Week:
* DINOSAURS - Terrible Lizards
* 'PROTEST' - Slap Michael Gove
* BOARD GAME - Tweets and Ladders
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're thinkfluencing
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web together"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|
B3ta email 637 - 11 July 2014
Read this issue and be browser thinkfluenced:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue637
Hi : [email protected]
Bye : [email protected]
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: SPONSORED LINK
"Kitty Carpet: reusable downstairs toupee"
Shaved your minge off? Get a new one on Amazon.
Thanks Amazon. Erm. This was found by Tim
Chmielewski who says, "I searched for 'Life size
Michael Jackson.'"
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B006JFA8A...
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Yep. Stuff by B3tans. Fuck yeah!
>> Dinosaurs: Terrible Lizards <<
Joel Veitch writes, "'Dinosaurs' means literally
'terrible Lizards' - our new documentary shows
how they live up to their fearsome name."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dinosaurs_Terrible_Lizar...
>> Teen Thangz 9 <<
Dogfood: "Might be a bit zany for some"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Teen_Thangz_9
>> Investigation of the ageing effects of beard <<
Zetsumetsu writes, "I took some photos of me
with and without a beard and posted them on
guessmyage.net. I've written up the results of
my statistical analysis along with some
'amusing' partial-shave photos."
http://ainsworld.wordpress.com/2012/10/17/the-bear...
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: FOLLOW @B3TA ON THE TWITTERS FOR IMAGES
Because we're partying like it's 2007
Yeah. Lots of images. We're late to Twitter but
fuck it.
https://twitter.com/b3ta
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: USVSTH3M BOLLOCKS
Other stuff made by roughly the same team
* Slap Michael Gove - he's been slapped
20,069,820 times so far. Join in! Slap his head!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/slap-michael-gove/
* Tweets & Ladders, the social media board game
phenomenon. Sick of people mocking your social
media addiction? Want to prove to people that
you can still interact with real humans? Then
you’re in luck!
http://usvsth3m.com/post/91343316848/
* Can you hit the back of the net in our
Realistic Brazil 2014 Game!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/brazil-2014/
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: PACT COFFEE, DELIVERED TO YOUR DOOR (Sponsored)
Exclusive B3ta offer, delicious fresh coffee
Get your first 250g bag of Pact Coffee sent to
home or work for just £1 when you use code
'b3ta' here:
http://bit.ly/1xbIF7P
Just buy some chuffing coffee alright? Cheers.
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
False Economies
We asked you if being a cheapskate had ever
bitten you badly:
http://b3ta.com/questions/falseeconomies/
* WELCOME TO THE CHEAP MEATS - "I'm a big fan
of cooking on a budget, but one day I went too
far. I tried to cook with Sainsbury's Value
Mince and make the cheapest chilli con carne
ever whilst astounding my family with the
revelation that it only cost a quid... What a
twat.
"As soon as I opened the pack, I realised this
wasn't one of my wisest purchases. Where
normally you'd find minced beef, I saw an
explosion in a guts factory. Bright red strands
of god-knows-what mingled with huge clumps of
gristle, all liberally decorated with sections
of white tube. I dreaded to think which parts
of the cow I was looking at. Probably the
broken dreams. And anus.
"Still, I refused to be beaten and soldiered on
with the recipe. I spent something like half an
hour picking through this carton of takeaway
autopsy, hooking out all the nasty-looking
bits, removing the little (and not so little)
bits of tube, running the Squish test on
anything I wasn't sure about.
"It took twice as long as normal to make a very
small chilli. I decided against the big reveal
at the end. I realised it probably wasn't wise
for me to announce that they'd just eaten
ground-up ringpiece." (costas)
* SECOND CLASS - "Some years ago I was
arranging travel for children going to
residential holidays. This involved spending
many hours on the phone to The Trainline,
sorting scores of tickets into neat, little
piles and packaging them up for the escorting
staff.
"The last time I did it, everything was ready
about three weeks in advance and I handed them
over the the chap who ran the organisation for
posting. Did he post them? Did he hell.
"He kept the envelopes on his desk for two
weeks, 'in case there were any changes' and
then, with three days to go, he posted them.
Second class.
"The result was inevitable. Only one packet of
tickets arrived on time, and replacements for
all the others had to be bought at short notice
with no advance purchase deals.
"Total cost to the organisation: a shade under
£500, total savings from using second class
post: £1.62" (ubergeekian)
* STAG DO - "Before going on my mate's stag do,
we all decided to buy "hilarious" plastic
breasts to wear. Most bought some made of
sturdy rubber but I went for the cheapest,
fragile plastic, ones.
"Not surprisingly, mine fell apart almost
immediately and I had to look on jealously at
all my full breasted mates. That's right. They
were false economy comedy falsies."
(My Front Fell Off)
>> This Week: ANYTHING FOR MONEY <<
How low have you sunk to earn a few quid?
http://b3ta.com/questions/anythingformoney/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* KIDS FALLING OVER GIFS - hope they're ok. Ah
fuck it, who cares?
http://imgur.com/a/cPCPz
* PERSON 'SHOPS TIM O' TOOLE'S FACE EVERY TIME
HIS TRAIN IS DELAYED. Surely the work of a b3tan?
http://timsfaces.tumblr.com/
* AMUSING SESAME STREET TYPO - that's NOT how
you spell The Count.
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2009/12/...
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like a VHS but without the tracking issues
* SINISTER SKETCH - what did Mel Smith & Griff
Rees Jones know? They fucking knew.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Classic:4
* DOG PUSHES CAT INTO BATH - mean, doggy bastard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* CHILD DOES DANCE - might be influenced by
err adults. Odd.
http://a.pomf.se/oqgrsr.webm
* LUMBERJACK RESCUES BLACK BEAR - with milk can
stuck on head. The bear, not the lumberjack.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Lumberjacks_cameraphone_...
* LEAKED STAR WARS EPISODE VII FILMSET FOOTAGE -
la la la words.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Leaked_Star_Wars_Episode...
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from 'Toy Mashup'
Last week we asked you to go all Doctor
Frankenstein on your childhood memories.
Chopping and stitching two or more toys
together to make a better one..
Our favourites included:
* PLASTIC SURGERY: Barbie undergoes the surgeon's
knife with added buzzers (barryheadwound)
http://b3ta.com/board/11086801
* HULK JENGA: Familiar scenes recreated in wood
and plastic. (SnappyUK)
http://b3ta.com/board/11086711
* BOPPITBABY: So wrong it’s right (Afinkawan)
http://b3ta.com/board/11086871
All these images, and many more can be found
here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/toymashup/
>> New challenge: Minimalist Movie Posters <<
This week's challenge is to distil your favourite
movie in to its simplest visual form. Suggested
by monkeon.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/minimalistmovies/
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Sub: [email protected]
Snub: [email protected]
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: Follow @b3ta on Twitter and win a leopard
https://twitter.com/b3ta
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Afinkawan, Tab
Hunter, coliander, Mudface, redflame, Pissflaps,
redflame, prodigy69, jeffrey44 &
buffet_the_appetite_slayer. Image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Tip via Devon Dan in 2006. Fuck me.
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TOP TIP:
Freezing worms makes them easier to sharpen.
