NEWSLETTER: THE MICHAEL GOVE MEMORIAL ISSUE
"The Michael Gove Memorial issue"
This Week:
* HORSE - Don't ride Weebl's Shetland pony
* WWI - Rap battle
* BASS - How low can you go?
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Jizzing in your inbox
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | without permission
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| since 2001... together"
B3ta email 638 - 18 July 2014
Read this issue out to kids & make them cry:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue638
Friends : [email protected]
Twats : [email protected]
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: Follow @b3ta on Twitter. Now.
https://twitter.com/b3ta
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: PACT COFFEE, DELIVERED TO YOUR DOOR (Sponsored)
Exclusive B3ta offer, delicious fresh coffee
Get your first 250g bag of Pact Coffee sent to
home or work for just £1 when you use code
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Just buy some chuffing coffee alright? Cheers.
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
>> WWI rap battle <<
"Here's my first major filmed project," writes
Leemondus, "for the BBC's WWI Centenary
coverage. Basically it's a rap to explain the
origins of WW1 and get some younger people
interested.
"I ended up co-writing the thing and composing
& performimg all the music. Oh and I did George
V's voice as well.
"The Daily Mail were offended enough to write
an article about it (it was in the actual paper
too.)"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/WW1_rap_battle:2
>> Let One Go <<
"A puerile Frozen parody," self-deprecates kfk.
"Surprised I was able to post this to YouTube,
perhaps it's the new copyright laws and
whatnot. No apologies for fart 'gags'."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Let_One_Go
>> Teen Thangz! <<
It's a Teenth Episode Summer Special for
dogfood, spokesman for all the nation's teens.
No doubt we'll be seeing much more of this
talented young man.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Teen_Thangz:7
>> Official Spider-Man World Record Attempt <<
"I just attempted to set the World Record for
the fastest and most accurate Spiderman, drawn
with a 3D Printing Pen..." blurts
superpowerless. "NAILED IT!"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Official_World_Record_At...
>> Shetland Pony <<
"Who likes tiny horses?" inquires weebl. Don't
you ever ride on HIS Shetland pony!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Shetland_Pony
>> I made a McDonalds Katsu Curry <<
We really like the concept of a McDonalds-based
cooking blog. Here's zef, who made a
Japanese-style katsu curry entirely out of
McDonalds food while sat in a McDonalds
restaurant.
http://zeftilldeath.tumblr.com/post/91981191275/mc...
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: USVSTH3M CORNER
100% quizzes this week. Lots of fucking quizzes
* WIKITY-BLANK - we'll show you a Wikipedia
article, with the title replaced by BLANK.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/wikity-blank/
* PLAY YOUR SALARIES RIGHT - We'll show you a
mixture of professional UK workers' average
salaries. All you have to do is work out: is
their pay higher or lower?"
http://games.usvsth3m.com/play-your-salaries-right...
* CAN YOU HANG THE ABSTRACT ART? - Tell us which
way up these pictures are meant to go.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/hang-the-abstract-art/
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: THE USVSTH3M QUIZ MAKER
The democratisation of quiz production
We've made a quiz engine that allows you to make
your own quizzes. The clever bit is that it
records your answers, then compares them to
everyone else who played.
* Epic 80s Goth Quiz!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/quiz/epic-80s-goth-quiz
* How Obsessed With Doctor Who Are You?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/quiz/how-obsessed-with-d...
* Test Yourself Against The Welsh UltraQuiz!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/quiz/test-yourself-again...
* Are you better at maths than the internet?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/quiz/are-you-better-at-m...
* Can you spell better than the internet?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/quiz/can-you-spell-bette...
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the 'Made up problems' challenge
Last week we asked you to invent a
made up problem like the ad men use to
sell products...
Our favourites included:
* HOGAN: B3ta’s favourite Hulk’s
city planning service
(Ghettoblaster Yeti)
http://b3ta.com/board/11091764
* CURRANTS: Eurgh, currants, thank
heaven for the Garibaldilizer.
(brown-wings)
http://b3ta.com/board/11090275
* GyPS: Never lose your lucky
heather (robneymcplum)
http://b3ta.com/board/11091886
All these images, and many more can be found
here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/madeup/popular/
>> New challenge: How food is made 2 <<
This week's challenge is to once again show
us what happens behind the scenes in food
production. Challenge suggested
by dolphinwhisperer.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/howfoodmade2/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> The best bits of Paul Daniels' autobiography <<
You'll like this. ...What?
http://christinalouisemartin.blogspot.co.uk/2014/0...
>> How to mummify your Barbie <<
Ideal if you need to accessorise with Barbie's
Malibu Death House.
http://kidsactivitiesblog.com/9140/mummification-l...
>> Your selfie idea is not original <<
Hard truths. Thanks, internet.
http://yourselfieideaisnotoriginal.tumblr.com/
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
>> The Oscar for most talented forehead goes to <<
"I enjoyed 'Her'," writes littlefeet. "But the
experience would have been enhanced if I'd have
seen this."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Her:2
>> Possibly the best version of Blue Suede Shoes <<
The Musicless Music Video people recreate a
classic from Elvis's Dadaist cabaret period.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Possibly_the_best_versio...
>> 100 Amazing Bass Lines <<
It doesn't matter what anyone else says -
bassists are definitely the most talented
members of the band. This guy manages to
squeeze 100 classic basslines into 13 minutes.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/100_Amazing_Bass_Lines
>> Bloke cleans his vinyl with wood glue <<
Sounds like that's going to be some sort of
crappy LOLfail type video, but is more in the
way of being a top tip. Very satisfying.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bloke_cleans_his_vinyl_w...
>> Can you spot who's miming during this performance? <<
There's no prize for guessing correctly.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Can_you_spot_whos_miming...
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Public Nudity
Last week we asked if you'd ever let your bits
out in public:
http://b3ta.com/questions/publicnudity/
* MODEST - "I had a vasectomy a couple of
months ago. They gave me something called a
'modesty blanket' as there were a couple of
nurses in the room. The modesty blanket covered
me from my feet up to my neck. Except for the
hole through which protuded my penis and
testicles."
(browser)
* AUDIENCE - "When you move into an unfurnished
flat, curtains are not always the first thing
you sort out. Particularly when it's a first
floor flat, with no buildings opposite. Thus it
was that our hero wanders into the lounge on
his first morning, safe in the knowledge that,
curtains or no curtains, there is no need to
get dressed.
"Of course, a man with sharper observation
skills should have noticed the bus-stop
immediately outside the building - a location
which became immediately apparent when a
double-decker bus full of startled commuters
pulled up directly outside the window..."
(moon monkey)
* PUB - "A friend of mine is a doctor. Another
friend of mine is a weirdo and an
exhibitionist. Seeing Friend 2 drop his pants
and bend over to ask Friend 1 what he thought
of his haemorrhoids in the beer garden of a
crowded pub will live long in my memory.
Especially because it looked like he had an
extra finger growing out of his arsehole. We
were barred. I didn't argue."
(SnowyTheWereRabbit)
>> This Week: BAD IDEAS <<
"Let's get all the fireworks and pile dog shit
on top of them." I can't believe I actually
said that, and I still can't believe I was the
one who lit them and couldn't run away in time.
Tell us about your spectacularly misjudged
ideas.
http://b3ta.com/questions/badideas/
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Besos: [email protected]
Grosses: [email protected]
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Follow @b3ta on Twitter and win a leopard:
https://twitter.com/b3ta
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Ambegris,
nocturne72, jams, Fray Brentos, and always
buffet_the_appetite_slayer.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols via Afinkawan.
Top Tip by Locus213.
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TOP TIP:
Worried that your teeth will be stained after a
heavy night drinking red wine? Drink a bottle
of white wine before going to bed, to remove
the stains.
