NEWSLETTER: "HAPPY LEAP FRIDAY!"
This Week:
* CHALLENGE - Remove letters from LPs
* VOTE - Vote on 'Shed of the year' NOW!
* QOTW GOLD - 'Wank Alarm'
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the webs
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by never bothing with
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| any dusting"
B3ta sex telex 69-zero - 18th Aug 2018
Read this issue after rubbing LSD on your balls:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue690
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: THIS WEEK'S IMAGE CHALLENGE
Remove a letter from LPs
Similar to last week, but this time it's LPs
and very specifically removing a letter.
https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/letterremovedlps/
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If you're a band please call your next LP "Alexa, stop"
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: VOTE ON SHED OF THE YEAR
It's that time of year again
For the past 10 or so years Uncle Wilco has
been posting his 'Shed Of The Year' on the b3ta
boards and it's taken him from his own shed to
being a TV show. Although he says, "We are not
on the telly this year but you can still vote
for your favourite from the finalists."
https://www.shedblog.co.uk/2018/08/14/shed-of-the-...
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Add your age to 1940 and then google the number
plus Cliff Richard to see what Cliff Richard
looked like at your age.
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK /GOLD/
Wank Alarm
"When I was 11, I was into electronics. My best
ever project was to install Maplin type
pressure pads around the house under the
carpet, and wire them all up to little light
bulbs, attach all the bulbs to a wooden board,
and label them with their locations. I did all
of this when my parents were out, and for
years, I could tell where people were in the
house - roughly.
"As I became a teenager, this actually proved
fantastically useful as a rudimentary wank
alert, and allow me enough time to hide my
tadger should anyone head toward my bedroom
door.
"I moved out of there 20 years ago, but bought
the house off my parents about 5 years ago.
"Funnily enough, the system is still there, and
god bless, it mostly still works. As my old
childrens bedroom is now my grown up office, it
still performs the exact job it did all those
years ago. Only it now warns me of my missus'
approach. I'm never going to reveal it to her
but I shall pass it on to my son one day."
https://www.b3ta.com/questions/technohacks/
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The oldest millennial was born in 1981. There's
millennial parents out there who had children at
18 whose kids got their A-level results this week.
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: TROUSER TROUBLE? CALL HEBTRO
Sponsored Patreon
We reckon 99% of our readers probably have
legs. And most people who have legs probably
want to cover them in some trousers. Speak to
Hebtro. They'll sort you the shit out.
https://hebtro.co/
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: HEADLINES OF THE WEEK
Real sentences from the web's finest journalists
* "An escaped parrot stuck on a roof told its
rescuers to ‘f*** off’" (The Scotsman)
* "The couple didn’t order a strip tease at the
steakhouse. But they got one anyway." (Miami
Herald)
* British gran complains her holiday in
Benidorm was ruined by ‘too many Spanish
people’ (The Mirror and pretty much everyone)
Compiled with the help of Alistair Coleman who
has a book out soon and wants some publicity
ok? So pre-order it NOW!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07GL8ZDL...
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We know we're meant to hate Elon Musk but doing
acid, hanging out with pop stars and posting
jokes on Twitter sounds like he's living the best
life.
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: LAST WEEK'S IMAGE CHALLENGE
Letter Change Companies
Last week we played with company logos and
changing letters. It was a pretty strong
challenge as it's clear and easy to enter so
there were over 100 entries. Which was nice.
It's still open actually if you want to either
add new ones or just look at the results.
https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/letterchangecompany...
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Best explanation of Bitcoin so far: imagine if
keeping your car idling 24/7 produced solved
Sudokus you could trade for heroin. (@Theophite)
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* CIRCUIT BENT BIBLE - did you know you could
buy an electronic bible for about £20 on
Amazon? Well you can, to read you the Lord's
words as you skip through the hell we call
life. And this rather too perky chap has
circuit bent it to make it all wibbly wobbly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* "ENHANCE! ZOOM!" - shout Bladerunner inspired
phrases like "up! zoom! enhance" at your
computer until you get shot in about 17 moves.
But still, fun interface.
https://www.enhance.computer/
* FAIL GIFS - 60 short videos that should be
titled "we now go live, over to Brexit"
https://imgur.com/gallery/krJ3g3Y
* AI DRAWINGS - interprets text and tries to
draw it. It's not very good.
http://t2i.cvalenzuelab.com/
* OLD COMPUTER MUSEUM - we want to go to this
museum but it's too far away from us.
https://twitter.com/ThatAndromeda/status/102798891...
* LOOPING ANIMATIONS - this guy must be a
psychopath, it's all too nest and perfect
https://www.instagram.com/wannerstedt/
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Offering our services to pop stars who want 12”
undance mixes. Techniques include: adding /
removing beats in the bar to trip up dancers,
slowing the song as it goes, changing the order
of the lyrics, a bit in 3/4, and making the
record unexpectedly too quiet.
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: ED ZITRON = PUBLIC RELATIONS
Sponsored Patreon
Do you need some PR in your life? Best call ED.
https://twitter.com/edzitron
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: LISTEN TO THE SOUNDS OF 1905
Using the audio facilities of your computer
Zuowan makes mixes based on ancient recordings
and writes "only 12 years away from the dawn of
the jazz age, here is 1905. This was one of
those mixes where I started off lamenting the
paucity of good material, then by the end found
I had no way to cram in all the best stuff
unless I made the mix 6 minutes too long, so
that's what it is. So it starts a bit slowly,
with many of the best bits towards the end."
https://centuriesofsound.wordpress.com/2018/08/10/...
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: SHIT MIDI YOUTUBE CHANNEL
The entertainment never stops at b3ta dot com
Simon Carless writes, "If you've ever wanted to
hear MIDI versions of Baby D's 'Let Me Be Your
Fantasy' or The Beloved's 'Sweet Harmony'
played on a special MIDI jukebox in a tiki bar
(actually my basement), then my new MIDI Tiki
Show YouTube channel is for you."
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtRtOAXaRMvfI2Uch...
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories
* WHO THE HELL UPDATES CELEB DEATHS ON
WIKIPEDIA SO QUICKLY? - "I included a reference
to your newsletter question in my latest
article for Slate" speaks Stephen Harrison
https://slate.com/technology/2018/08/the-people-wh...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Show us your shit and get famous a bit
* TWITTER DEATH - The truly brave way to leave
Twitter would be to write a bit of code that
soft blocked all your followers until it was
zero. Then you’d have nothing to come back to.
* PAYWALL BUSTER - A Chrome extension that
keeps a list of sites with a paywall - that
automatically opens a incognito browser if you
click them to get past the "four free articles
a month" bollocks.
* JOURNALIST TIME WASTER - A bot that replies
to every single #journorequests with 100
variations on the phrase "yeah, me", "I know
all about that" & "you've come to the right
place" and keeps replying similarly to their
every request for more info
Send your stuff to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
They bought ads: EdZitron & HebTroCo.
*THEY BOUGHT CAPS AND ASTERISKS!* *STOOBERT*,
*JOSH MCMILLAN*, *AARON HOLMES*, *TOM JENKINS
BATES*, *JON GRANT*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
*TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*,
*KATE*, *JAMES PETTS*, *STEWART NOLAN*, *MARK
MCCREADIE*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*
THEY BOUGHT CAPS: GEORGE STEPHENSON, NAT KING
COLESLAW, ANDREW WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR ,
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FLEMMING, ALAN CHARLTON, SPAZZCAPTAIN , WENDY
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BEVAN JOHNSON, CRISS MORENO, JO APPS, CHRIS
LOCKE, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, GREG MCGOWAN,
RICHARD BARCLAY, PATRICK CATES, 24-7 DEATH, TOM
WRIGHT, JON BINSTEAD, SIMON NICHOLLS, CHRIS
CARLINE, BRIAN EELES, MICHAEL TRINDER
They bought a mention: Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan,
lee burnett, Peter Cooper, Rebecca McManus, Bex
Cook, Hannah Chubb, Martin Davies, George
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: NEWSLETTER CREDIT CRAWL
Thanks to Wil, Kris, Alistair Coleman, Happy Toast.
Links from Tusk & Simbosan
Joke by Monkeon. A bit of proofing by CCC.
Newsletter written by Rob Manuel in a bad mood.
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: SOCIAL MEDIA PROMO
Block / unfriend B3ta NOW!
Apparently people are moving to Mastodon? Fuck
knows why, follow us there and enough people do
we'll start posting on it properly.
https://mastodon.social/@b3ta
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
https://www.twitter.com/b3ta
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How many gammon does it take to change a
lightbulb?
Millions. First to successfully campaign to leave
the EU, and then to wait in the dark for the
proper inefficient incandescent light bulbs to
make a comeback.
https://www.b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenaj...
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