NEWSLETTER: "IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS NEWSLETTER, BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO YOUR SOUL"
This Week:
* PICS - LP covers remade with unused photos
* B3TA DICTIONARY - yes, for it has returned
* GOAT - Free for every reader (collect tokens)
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting the bed
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | and blaming the dog
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta e-Instagram 708 - 27rd Jan 2018+1
Read this issue whimpering into the void:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue708
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: LP COVERS REMADE WITH UNUSED PHOTOS
It's familiar and yet different
Clever old Monkeon has been looking at old LPs,
googling the photoshoots and then remaking the
LP covers from the outtakes.
Reckon you might want to join in?
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/albumcoveralsorans/
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The Edge was named after the four chords he
knows: E,D, G and with the echo pedal, E again.
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: B3TA DICTIONARY
A is for anus, let's mend it with glue
Back when the Internet wasn't just two groups
of wankers shouting at each other and
everything was fun we had a thing called the
'b3ta dictionary' which detailed the neologisms
from the messageboard.
Recently it was pointed out that it was broken
so B3ta tech guru Wil Hadden fixed it and now
you can wallow in nostalgia from when it was
all crudely drawn cocks around here.
E.g. "Jessie (Je-see) verb. To strip off when
you reach a milestone. 'Just six more posts
till I've done 20,000, think i'm now going to
have to pull a Jessie'"
https://www.b3ta.com/dictionary/a/
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Cup of tea app idea:
* Office signs up
* You press "I need tea" on phone and message
goes to group with buttons saying "yes please",
"no thanks" and "I'll do it"
* App keeps score to maximise bad feeling amongst
colleagues via data
* Businesses fail and then communism
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: HOW THE BRAIN WORKS
In the style of a pirate map, me hearties
Shardcore writes, "I've made a map of the left
hemisphere of the brain, in the style of a 17th
century pirate map. It's quite mental and took
me ages."
http://shardcore.org/lh/the_left_hemisphere/index....
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Marie Kondo but for unfollowing everyone so that
an empty timeline sparks joy.
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: SITES IN BEEF (OXTAIL)
Stuff from outside the official B3ta universe
* A YEAR IN THE LIFE 2018 - Ambegris writes,
"This guy videos a second of every day in his
life last year. A bit self indulgent but I
think he had an interesting year"
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* ALL THE 'MEDDLING KIDS' FROM SCOOBY-DOO -
BTW: Given that the average lifespan for a
Great Dane is 8 to 10 years and that the first
episode was broadcast in the late 60s,
Scooby-Doo has been dead since 1977.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* SECRET YOUTUBE SONG - this woman vlogged for 8
months making sure she mentioned certain words
at the right pitch so she could edit the end
result into a song. There's something oddly
moving about it all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* GWYNETH PALTROW HAWKS "VAMPIRE REPELLENT
SPRAY" ON HER GOOP SITE - we're about to mock
this but then maybe she knows something about
the upper echelons of elite culture that we
don't, what with startup Ambrosia selling young
people's blood at $8,000 for a full
transfusion. We're ordering two bottles and are
going to rub it into our youthful necks.
https://shop.goop.com/shop/products/psychic-vampir...
* AMAZING DEMONSTRATION OF AUDIO PERCEPTION -
listen to these clips and be reminded that your
brain does a lot of filling in, and 90% of your
reality is made from context-aware-fill.
https://twitter.com/BrianRoemmele/status/108643666...
* GOOFY FOOTBALL MASCOTS OBSERVING A SOLEMN
MINUTE'S SILENCE - "It's a funny idea, but
impressive how fast the numbers have been going
up on this considering they've only posted
three images" writes Monkeon.
https://twitter.com/MascotSilence
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Writing tip: delete your social media account and
actually do some writing.
-------------------------------------------------
: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Celebrity Animals
Here's the best images from last week:
* ANT - "This acid tastes funny, mummy"
(Penultimate Straw)
http://b3ta.com/board/11275928
* AXOLOTL - "Drinks at the Gun and Rose"
(monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/11276319
* HEAT MAGAZINE - We'd prefer this version
(monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/11276186
>> Noel Edmonds' Multicoloured Prop Swap <<
We're messing with Movie Props this week. Mash
them up, delete them, swap them, replace them,
make obscure anagram puns about them. Go!
http://b3ta.com/challenge/movieprops
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Make Eastenders more enjoyable by imagining it's
a Westworld style theme-park full of cockney
robots to give the illusion that London has never
changed.
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some inspiration to start you off
* WORLD CUP (OF CUPS) - which of you mugs has
got the best mug?
* CHARITY SHOP SHAMING - There's a sign up in
local charity shop saying "no Xmas trees, we
haven't got the storage space". We'd like to
read a Twitter account from charity shop staff
shaming all the useless tat that people are
trying to offload onto them and not thinking
"will this sell?"
* WASH YOUR CLOTHES IN THE DISHWASHER - and
vica versa. This should please your mum when
she sees what you've been doing whilst she was
out at work.
Send your virtual dog shit to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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Gender-flipped bands:
Lez Zeppelin
The Sheatles
Er.. The Sheagles
Simone and Girlfunkel
Genesister
The ('er in) Doors
-------------------------------------------------
: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Fuck a spoon, it's back
Stevebmartin writes in to tell is to "shut your
kaycole.net"
http://www.kaycole.net
BTW: Apologises to Kay Cole for this useless
traffic, we're just British arseholes, ignore
us.
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: CREDIT
Edited by Rob Manuel with extra stuff from Matt
'Round' Round, Monkeon, and David Leonard
Stevenson. And Wil. And your mum.
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX MORRIS*,
*HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES PETTS*,
*JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL
DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
*STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
*ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
*BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
*CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
*JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
*MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
*PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
GOODE
BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
@MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN
WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX
COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY
FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS
BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN
RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY,
JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES
O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM
DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN
HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY
WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, JǏM
MCNǏVEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD
PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE
MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK
WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN
HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON,
MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW
COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS,
MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER,
MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY
KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN
STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH
MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL
KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL,
RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
TIM BEACHY
BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper, Nick
Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam Kaczmarek,
Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren, Alex
Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail, Andrew
Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben, Ben
Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben
Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner,
Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina
Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan
Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer
Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David
Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham
Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan
Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers,
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madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt
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Philadelphia.
Please bung us your cash:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
-------------------------------------------------
: AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED
For being our biggest patreon
Follow him on the Twitter. Go on. He's fabulous.
https://twitter.com/edzitron
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: TOP TIP
Pub landlords. Rid your pub of people under 35
by playing The Stone Roses debut album in full.
(markreynolds95)
Add your own at:
http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips
