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NEWSLETTER: "SHATTERHAND! HE'S THE MAN, THE MAN WHO HAS SHAT IN HIS HAND"

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"SHATTERHAND! He's the man, the man who has shat in his hand"
This Week:
* WEBSITE -  Is Britain Great? (spoiler: no) 
* EUROTRASH - Revived as pirated internet content
* GOATSE - Back as a plan to steal your cash

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We got bored of screaming
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | into the abyss, so now we
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    whisper into cracks"

B3ta email 710 - 22 Feb 2019

Read this issue shouting "r u one 1 matie?"
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue710

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
  Other than making sinister jam

  >> Is Britain Great? <<
  WrittenBittern writes, "As requested in
  newsletter 709... a single page 'no' gif
  compilation with musical accompaniment."
  Hooray! Someone listened to one of our stupid
  requests. Amazing.
https://isbritaingreatagain.com 

  >> Eurotrash clip roulette <<
  Monkeon writes, "It's basically a Eurotrash
  version of the 90s button, which I was hoping
  would make my YouTube recommendations amazing,
  but YouTube still think I want to watch Jordan
  Peterson and Nigel Farage instead of Mr Blow-Up
  and Dschinghis Khan."
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/eurotrashroulette/ 

  >> Alan Partridge fans causing online trouble <<
  Matthew Richardson writes, "I added the
  Longstanton Spice Museum to Google Maps. It's
  been up for about 3 weeks, now. The reviews are
  mildly amusing." Let's check shall we? "Lovely
  stuff. I spent the best Valentine's Day I’ve
  had in eight years here today."
https://goo.gl/maps/YLjADJMvZkH2

  >> George Ezra vs David Cameron <<
  Legendary mash-up artist Swedemason writes, "I
  made another vid for joe.co.uk. Watching his
  conference speeches is interesting in
  hindsight. Just about everything he promises,
  the opposite is happening."
https://b3ta.com/links/Shotgone

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Your DJ name is the word "DJ" followed by
something that would make you relevant to your
targeted demographic.

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Flat, slow, not clicky video

  * IS IT POSSIBLE TO PLAY MARIO ON A PRINTER? -
  this thread claims so, by connecting a NES and
  printing it out. Would be fun thing for someone
  to recreate & video. Assuming it's not made-up
  bollocks.
https://twitter.com/Foone/status/1097637772809011200

  * WHICH FACE IS REAL OR AI? We were quite good
  at spotting AI faces after a bit, the tells
  were often in the teeth and asymmetric make-up,
  but the point is you have to look carefully,
  it's not obvious. 
http://www.whichfaceisreal.com/index.php

  * THE RETURN OF GOATSE - no longer resolving to
  some dude showing his collapsed butthole but a
  blockchain update of the MillionDollarHomePage
  idea, so you can buy the pixels on the site
  forever for the low low price of some
  "Ethereums".
https://goatse.cx/

  * GOAT OR THROAT QUIZ - proving that goat sound
  pretty human, although the quiz name implies
  that goats don't have throats which would
  surprise some butchers.
https://www.goatorthroat.com 

  * VIDEO GAME DEATH SCREEN GENERATOR - if you
  want a Pokemon death screen saying "I've fucked
  a spork" then you're in luck. That and more.
http://deathgenerator.com/#ss2

  * SHIT COMPUTER GAMES WIKI - if we could be
  arsed to "stream" it would probably be mostly
  playing old crap games and going "this is
  absolute wank".
https://crappygames.miraheze.org/wiki/Category:ZX_Spectrum_Games

-------------------------------------------------

Phrases that Americans believe the British use
for water:

Council Lambrusco
Drippy Pipe Lickings
Fairtrade Taponade
Faucet Beer
Government Milk
Gutter Guinness
Poverty Pimms
Seawater Direct
Tap Shandy
Thames Juice
Churchill's Piss
Sink Hops

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Political Pop

  Last we we asked you to pop the lol into
  po-lol-itics and make political pop. Here's
  three of the best:

  * JEREMY CORBYN VS JOHN LYDON -  from Ninj.
http://b3ta.com/board/11277772

  * BEASTIE BOYS vs FARAGE - from monkeon.
http://b3ta.com/board/11278135

  * CHRIS GRAYLING vs CHRIS DE BURGH - from S4RK.
http://b3ta.com/board/11277897

  See all the other images from the 'Political
  Pop' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/politicalpop

  >> This week: geek art <<
  What could be more B3ta than nerdy computer
  related stuff mixed with famous works of art?
  Shove your Nyan cats in to Van Gogh's Night Sky
  or go the whole hog and code up some AI that
  can auto generate a new Picasso. 
http://b3ta.com/challenge/geekart

-------------------------------------------------

There's no word, or combination of two words that
hasn't played the Dublin Castle. The Dublinarity
was reached in 2018 and a new member of Menswear
was formed with the density of a black hole.

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Free ideas for the idea poor:

  * IRISH SEINFELD - we recently misread
  @sinnfeinireland as @seinfeldinireland, which
  would be an account we'd probably chuckle at
  you have the writing chops to pull it off

  * A BOT THAT WATCHES NETFLIX SERIES PEOPLE ARE
  TALKING ABOUT - so we don't have to.

  * ARE GOOGLEWHACKS STILL POSSIBLE? Write some
  code that systematically throws two random
  words at Google and then tweets with an update
  if it ever finds one. Maybe it never tweets.
  Who knows?

  * RETRO PAPER CON - we'd like a retro computing
  exhibition that was just the ephemera children
  made in the 1980s. Tape inlays. Copied ads in
  biro. Maps of games on graph paper. Copied
  colour charts. It's sorta more evocative than
  the games as it's less celebrated & it was the
  culture as it was lived.

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Stuff that costs the same price as four tickets
to see Lego Movie 2:

* 5 months of Netflix
* 10 bottles of cheap wine
* 120 sausages from M&S
* 200 sausages from M&S (lower quality)
* 700 sausages (Sainsbury's Basic)

You pays your money and you takes your choice.

-------------------------------------------------

: CREDIT
  Written by Rob Manuel. Link help from Monkeon &
  Matt Round. Some proofing from Wil Hadden.
  Subject line robbed from a @ManOnThe100 tweet.
  Sorry.

-------------------------------------------------

Remember: you can ignore the parliamentary soap
opera and vote for the the party most likely to
win in your your constituency who isn't the
Tories, or you can be glued to every plot twist.
Either will give you same result but one will
give you more time to learn the trombone.

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS
  We love you

  * BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX
  MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES
  PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*,
  *MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
  *STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
  *ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
  *BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
  BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
  *CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
  MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
  *JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
  *MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
  *PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
  NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
  GOODE

  * BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
  @MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
  INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
  DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
  ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
  WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
  AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN
  WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX
  COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY
  FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
  MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS
  BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
  GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
  SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
  FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
  TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
  DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
  AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
  GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
  DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
  DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
  BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
  FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
  LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
  GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
  GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
  NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
  COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
  IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN
  RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
  JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY,
  JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES
  O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
  JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
  ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM
  DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
  MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
  MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
  FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN
  HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY
  WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
  THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, J&#463;M
  MCN&#463;VEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD
  PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE
  MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK
  WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN
  HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON,
  MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW
  COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS,
  MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER,
  MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
  CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
  BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
  PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
  PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
  PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
  RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
  MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
  AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
  ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
  ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
  RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
  RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
  SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
  MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
  STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
  ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
  SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
  ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
  TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
  REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
  TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
  WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
  APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
  CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
  JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
  CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
  ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
  ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
  CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
  NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY
  KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN
  STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH
  MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL
  KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL,
  RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
  TIM BEACHY

  * BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper,
  Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam
  Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren,
  Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail,
  Andrew Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben,
  Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben
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  Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley,
  Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane,
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  Please bung us your cash:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta


-------------------------------------------------

400g of salt is 25p in M&S. Delicious and zero
calories too.

-------------------------------------------------

: AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED
  For being our biggest patreon

  Follow him on the Twitter. Go on.
https://twitter.com/edzitron

-------------------------------------------------

Which band should do an ad for spermicidal
condoms?
Johnnies Hate Jizz.

-------------------------------------------------

: TOP TIP 
  Labour. Get into power, by not being quite so
  shit. (Muns)
http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips

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