we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: "A REFERENDUM IS WHEN A COUNTRY HATES ITSELF VERY MUCH AND DECIDES TO HAVE A PROXY WAR INSTEAD OF GETTING A PUPPY"

next issue »
« previous issue

"A referendum is when a country hates itself very
much and decides to have a proxy war instead of
getting a puppy"
This Week:
* PROJECTS - lots and lots of B3ta people projects
* DOGS - took us 18 years but finally a challenge
* FREE IDEAS - for new projects for YOU!

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |    "We're saving the 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   web to boil the bones 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  and make internet soup"

B3ta email 711 - 17th Mar 2019

Read this issue wishing it was all over:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue711

-------------------------------------------------

Your "member of Duran Duran name" is your own
first name and Taylor. Works 3/5th of the time
anyway.

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
  Updates from the B3ta old folks' home

  * BOT OF THE POPS - your editor Rob Manuel is
  soft-launching 'Bot Of The Pops',  a realtime
  bot running through the UK music charts of the
  1980s complete with embedded Youtube videos,
  singles artwork and Wikipedia links. This
  project will take 10 years to run and will
  witnesses the rise and fall of Duran Duran and
  The Cure week by week. You weren't busy were
  you? Follow and Rob will approve you under the
  padlock. Sounds sexy.
https://twitter.com/botofthepops

  * MOVING POSTCARDS - Drivelsieve has been
  making postcards move, and then, apparently he
  had a bath. Nice.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/I_made_these_postcards_move

  * BREXIT BOOK - HappyToast has been making a
  book about Brexit that you can actually buy
  with cash-money on Amazon. We've bought it and
  it's fab. He writes, "There's three weeks to go
  and government hasn't bothered making one, so I
  have. Available on Kindle or actual book
  featuring 49 pages you can use when loo roll
  runs out"
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1798900262/b3ta-21

  * THERESA MAY (SORRY, NO ESCAPE) - SwedeMason
  has been doing more stuff for the website JOE.
  This one features the beleaguered British PM
  probably rapping or something. Actually, excuse
  that note of weariness, it's very good and
  Swede's gift is his attention to rythm.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Still_May

  * CAN YOU SPOT THE NUTS? Wildyles has written a
  quiz where he asks you to find the nut - harder
  than it sounds because loads of things called
  nuts are not actually nuts. For example, our
  testicles.
https://wildishandco.co.uk/projects/nuts/ 

  * SUNSET TIME - Chipping Sodbury has been
  animating sunsets. It's a nice format, lots of
  different punchlines so that it doesn't have to
  all rest on one gag.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Seven_sunsets

-------------------------------------------------

Foods that could be American TV news
correspondents if you delivered their name with
enough conviction:

Basil Pesto
Rosemary Mash
Peach Cobbler
Olive Chutney
Saffron Rice
Ginger Flapjacks
Kale Tabbouleh
Kobe Beef
Honey Parsnips

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Made by enemies, we hate these talented people

  * HEADLINE OF THE YEAR - "Hipster Whines at
  Tech Mag for Using His Pic to Imply Hipsters
  Look the Same, Discovers Pic Was of an Entirely
  Different Hipster"
https://www.theregister.co.uk/2019/03/06/hipsters_all_look_the_same_fact/ 

  * CAN YOU PET THE DOG - a list of computer
  games where you can or saldy cannot pet the
  dog. Computer games of the future will simply
  be virtual places where you can hang out with
  your friends and pet dogs. Mark our words.
https://twitter.com/CanYouPetTheDog

  * A NOKIA 3310 GAMES COMPETITION. We like the
  limitations on design that idea creates. Feels
  like "Crap Spectrum Games" but for millennials.
https://itch.io/jam/3310jam/feed 

  * PULLING THE PLUG ON MANCHESTER - enjoyable
  video where bloke from Manchester gets very
  excited about a plug in the local canal.
  Deserves the 2 million views it's got from
  being a breakout hit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZeXcH4hmtY&feature=youtu.be

  * LONDON BUS ROUTE DOC - lovely London doc on
  iPlayer at the moment. From 1985 and takes a
  bus route from Camden to West London and meets
  various people on the way. Clearly made by
  someone making a positive point about
  multiculturalism in a show-don't-tell kind of
  way. A+.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0074ry7/to-the-worlds-end-scenes-and-characters-on-a-london-bus-route

  * CUNT SONG - Haven't seen this before. Steve
  Coogan singing a song called "Everybody's a bit
  of a cunt sometimes". Very Eric Idle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOJbBBSe4oI


-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Letter change Landmarks

  Here's the best images from last week:

  *  FASTER ISLAND - Lovely entry from LS18
http://b3ta.com/board/11280290

  * THE LONDON EWE -  from Penultimate Straw.
http://b3ta.com/board/11280668

  * THE INFAMOUS HEART OF LONDON'S DUCKLANDS - 
  from Twisted Omentum.
http://b3ta.com/board/11280335

  * See all the other images from the 'Letter
  change Landmarks' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/letterchangelandmarks

  >> This week: Dogs <<
  Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?! Yes you
  are.  It's (wo)man's best friend this week.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/dogs

-------------------------------------------------

Class isn't a complicated really. It's do you
shop in Waitrose or does your butler do it for
you?

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Free ideas to get you started:

  * RELEASE AN ALBUM CALLED "A BEE ROAD BY THE
  BEE TELLS" - so you get lots of sweet sweet
  plays on Alexa from people who now mysteriously
  hate you.

  * LORD OF THE FLIES WITH DOGS - get a closed
  off forest and fill it with dogs and cameras
  and see how the dog civilisation pans out.

  * ODDLY FUNNY AMAZON REVIEWS - Found ourselves
  reading Colman's Mustard reviews on Amazon.
  "Perfect for what we wanted."  That sentence
  made us collapse.

  * BOOK BOT - A bot that says it's tweeting Ayn
  Rand's The Figurehead line-by-line but actually
  tweets Five Go to Smuggler's Top by Enid Blyton

  * INSULT EVERYONE BOT - In Hitchhiker's,
  Bowerick Wowbagger attempted to insult everyone
  in the universe in alphabetical order. Would be
  entirely possible to build a bot that attempted
  to do this on Twitter but would break at least
  two of their API rules.

  Send your shite, as usual to 
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

The main problem of time travel is that the Earth
isn't in a fixed spot and everyone who's tried it
has asphyxiated in space, billions of miles from
where they wanted to be.

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS
  We love you

  * BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX
  MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES
  PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*,
  *MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
  *STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
  *ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
  *BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
  BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
  *CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
  MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
  *JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
  *MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
  *PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
  NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
  GOODE

  * BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
  @MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
  INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
  DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
  ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
  WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
  AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN
  WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX
  COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY
  FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
  MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS
  BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
  GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
  SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
  FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
  TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
  DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
  AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
  GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
  DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
  DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
  BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
  FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
  LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
  GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
  GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
  NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
  COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
  IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN
  RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
  JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY,
  JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES
  O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
  JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
  ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM
  DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
  MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
  MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
  FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN
  HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY
  WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
  THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, J&#463;M
  MCN&#463;VEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD
  PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE
  MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK
  WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN
  HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON,
  MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW
  COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS,
  MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER,
  MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
  CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
  BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
  PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
  PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
  PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
  RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
  MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
  AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
  ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
  ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
  RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
  RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
  SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
  MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
  STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
  ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
  SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
  ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
  TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
  REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
  TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
  WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
  APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
  CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
  JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
  CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
  ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
  ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
  CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
  NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY
  KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN
  STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH
  MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL
  KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL,
  RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
  TIM BEACHY

  * BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper,
  Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam
  Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren,
  Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail,
  Andrew Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben,
  Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben
  Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner,
  Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina
  Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan
  Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer
  Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David
  Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham
  Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan
  Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers,
  Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths,
  John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball,
  Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt
  Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth,
  Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick
  Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul
  Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul
  Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob
  Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan,
  Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner,
  Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley,
  Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane,
  Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim
  Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East,
  Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of
  Philadelphia.

Please bung us your cash:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

Fuck alt right. Fuck alt left too. We've got mice
and don't need keyboard shortcuts.

-------------------------------------------------

: AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED
  For being our biggest patreon

  Follow him on the Twitter. Go on.
https://twitter.com/edzitron

-------------------------------------------------

: TOP TIP
  Fool old people into thinking you are a drug
  addict thief - buy getting a job at the water
  board and calling round to read their meter.
  (robneymcplum)
http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips

next issue »
« previous issue