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NEWSLETTER: "MOST PEOPLE AREN'T NAZIS, THEY'RE JUST ARSEHOLES"

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This Week:
* LIZARDS - Discovered in parliament at last
* LYRICS - Broken by a thesaurus 
* CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - USB style

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "Godzilla yourself at
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | home... Godzilla yourself
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    one of the family"

B3ta email 715 - 26th Apr 2019 - oh god we're old

nataS IICSA nommus dna sdrawkcab eussi siht daeR: 
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue715

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: PARLIAMENTARY BESTIARY 
  Lizard politicians revealed

  B3ta resident artist Shardcore has gone looking
  for lizards in the seat of the world's greatest
  democracy and found it's infested. Hooary!
https://b3ta.com/links/Parliamentary_Bestiary

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Record yourself eating a sandwich and uploading
it to Spotify as Pret Sounds.

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: SONG LYRICS BROKEN BY A THESAURUS
  "All You Devour Is Weakness"

  Your NTK editor Rob Manuel has been amusing
  himself sticking song lyrics into code that
  replaces words with random thesaurus words.

  E.g. as special newsletter content here's some
  Smiths songs mangled by thesaurus code:
  
  Some Daughter Are Voluminous Than Dregs
  Buccaneer Of The Earth Connect
  Confidante In A Blackout
  Chow Is Slaying
  Lieutenant In A Sarong
  This Elegant Sir
  Hook In Mitten
  The Wife Of A King Is Cadaverous
  Paradise Ken I'm Despairing Now

  More including Beatles & Madonna here:
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1117789095978250240

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If life gives you lemons, have a lemon party.

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: CHOOSE YOUR OWN SHITTY ADVENTURE
  USB style

  Toby Tripp writes, "I made an interactive
  adventure using Twitter UI. Your quest: Insert
  a USB." Fun Twitter adventure with a nicely
  trivial plot.
https://twitter.com/Twitquests/status/1116978194182234112

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Alexa, give us a feeling of initial interest and
then ennui and disappointment so we can
experience everything Netflix has to offer
without having to pay £10 a month.

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: FARAGE VS PROCLAIMERS
  The thought of Nigel twins to make you sick

  Swedemason writes, "My latest vid for JOE "
  This one taking the Proclaimer's 500 miles and
  changing to, well, you watch. BTW: Proclaimers
  are published by Zoo music, owned by Bill
  Drummond. Ever wondered how Bill can pay the
  bills and go around the world making weird art
  after burning £1m? Shrek. Probably.
http://b3ta.com/links/1515727

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Need a name for your 'weed & beef' restaurant? High Steaks.

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: CYRIAK VS ADAM BUXTON 
  *sing your own jingle about podcast bins here*  

  Mutated Monty AKA Cyriak asks you to watch this
  "strange video I made for Mr Buxton's podcast."
https://b3ta.com/links/Like_and_Subscribe

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Duran Duran lyrics become glorious if you replace "I" with "Simon"

"In touch with the ground
Simon's on the hunt down, and Simon's after you
Smell like Simon's sound, Simon's lost in a crowd
And Simon's hungry like the wolf"

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Not stuff by us but still ok

  * JANE EYRE WRITER, HAIR FOUND - Finally
  science can clone her from DNA and build theme
  park with a real live Brontësaurus.
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/apr/17/charlotte-bronte-hair-ring-antiques-roadshow-bronte-society-braid-1855

  * EGGY THROW GAME - A topical(ish) version of
  QWOP.  You don't seem to get many topical games
  on web game lists any more, even though
  topicality is a good attention gimmick.
https://shaunremo.itch.io/eggboythegame 

  * THIS PLANET NEEDS A NEW NAME - our
  suggestion: Janet.
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1117197784355151872

  * COMMAND LINE SPOTIFY - you can control
  Spotify via command line with a bit of fannying
  about. We like stuff like this: streaming is so
  utilitarian, nice to be able to muck around
  with it a bit in non-standard ways.
https://github.com/hnarayanan/shpotify 

  * LISTEN TO MOVIES - this site is bunging up
  audio rips of movies. So why not listen to
  these commentaries and pretend they're
  podcasts?
http://listentoamovie.com/media/index.php?folder=MS4gTW92aWVzLyhDb21tZW50YXJpZXMp

  * ASMR VS FIRE STARTER - in what people are
  calling "the worst thing ever created" here's
  some dude with Keith Flint make-up whispering
  "firestarter" to try and make you feel tingly.
  Or sick.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6Af3Wq7O0Y8 

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The best bit of having a dog is going to the
woods and trampling through the really overgrown
bits and no one thinks you're a nutter coz you've
got a dog. It's essentially a free pass to be
eccentric in public.

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Cat Albums

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * MEW ORDER - by S4RK
http://b3ta.com/board/11283666

  * THE DAMP SIDE OF THE MOON - by (a)lexistwit
http://b3ta.com/board/11283682

  * MEWS - by HappyToast
http://b3ta.com/board/11283599

  * See all the other images from the 'Cat
  Albums' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/catalbums


  >> This week: Easter Films <<
  It's been a long holiday weekend, what better
  time to Photoshop some Easter eggs and vaguely
  sacrilegious imagery in to movie posters? It's
  an Easter Films Image Challenge!
http://b3ta.com/challenge/easterfilms

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Fantasy fans: belief that the past was more fun.
Sci-Fi fans: hope that the future will be better.

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Ideas to get you started, free, gratis
  
  * A bot that posts "that's the joke" randomly
  on replies just to confuse and upset people. Or
  "weird flex, but ok"

  * A podcast called Milkshake Duck so we could
  catch up on who the Internet is disappointed
  with this minute

  * Easy data journalism idea: buy bags of Tesco
  'Alphabites' & analyse letter distribution:
https://www.dunstabletoday.co.uk/news/dunstable-mum-s-anger-after-misleading-alphabites-can-t-spell-son-s-name-1-7716311

  Send your missives to 
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: CREDIT
  Edited by Rob Manuel. Help from HappyToast / Monkeon / ohidunno.

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: PATREON THANKS

  BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX MORRIS*,
  *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES PETTS*,
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  DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
  *STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
  *ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
  *BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
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  BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
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  RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
  MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
  AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
  ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
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  RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
  RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
  SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
  MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
  STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
  ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
  SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
  ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
  TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
  REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
  TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
  WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
  APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
  CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
  JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
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  Please bung us your cash:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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: OH HELL, IT'S THE RETURN OF FUNNY NAME CORNER
  Kill your mum this unwanted shit is back
  
  * Thanks to @Lostock_Henge who's asked us to
  look at this toy shop in Austria that sounds
  like it would be popular with child
  enthusiasts: 
http://bumfidl.com 

  * And in sort of related news we'd like to
  bring you art of Fanny Fielding, although this
  clearly is so stuffed with rude puns it
  shouldn't really count as it's on purpose,
  still if it gets a quick laugh right?
https://www.fannyf.art/

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: YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR
  Mediamasters Podcast

  Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the
  newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you
  prosper! Love your work" and also promote his
  podcast. There's lots of big media names on it
  like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger,
  so get stuck in:
http://www.mediamasters.fm/

  And if YOU also want to be a big sponsor then
  fill "company sponsorship" in on the old
  Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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: AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED
  For being our longest patreon

  Follow him on the Twitter. Go on.
https://twitter.com/edzitron

-------------------------------------------------

  Tip. If you want to have loads of people
  telling you they like something, mention on
  Twitter that you're not keen on something and
  watch the replies flood in.

  Not actually shit tip: Bored? Look up the top
  40 on your 14th birthday and watch the videos
  on YouTube.


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