NEWSLETTER: "MOST PEOPLE AREN'T NAZIS, THEY'RE JUST ARSEHOLES"
This Week:
* LIZARDS - Discovered in parliament at last
* LYRICS - Broken by a thesaurus
* CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE - USB style
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Godzilla yourself at
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | home... Godzilla yourself
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| one of the family"
B3ta email 715 - 26th Apr 2019 - oh god we're old
nataS IICSA nommus dna sdrawkcab eussi siht daeR:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue715
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: PARLIAMENTARY BESTIARY
Lizard politicians revealed
B3ta resident artist Shardcore has gone looking
for lizards in the seat of the world's greatest
democracy and found it's infested. Hooary!
https://b3ta.com/links/Parliamentary_Bestiary
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Record yourself eating a sandwich and uploading
it to Spotify as Pret Sounds.
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: SONG LYRICS BROKEN BY A THESAURUS
"All You Devour Is Weakness"
Your NTK editor Rob Manuel has been amusing
himself sticking song lyrics into code that
replaces words with random thesaurus words.
E.g. as special newsletter content here's some
Smiths songs mangled by thesaurus code:
Some Daughter Are Voluminous Than Dregs
Buccaneer Of The Earth Connect
Confidante In A Blackout
Chow Is Slaying
Lieutenant In A Sarong
This Elegant Sir
Hook In Mitten
The Wife Of A King Is Cadaverous
Paradise Ken I'm Despairing Now
More including Beatles & Madonna here:
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1117789095978...
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If life gives you lemons, have a lemon party.
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: CHOOSE YOUR OWN SHITTY ADVENTURE
USB style
Toby Tripp writes, "I made an interactive
adventure using Twitter UI. Your quest: Insert
a USB." Fun Twitter adventure with a nicely
trivial plot.
https://twitter.com/Twitquests/status/111697819418...
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Alexa, give us a feeling of initial interest and
then ennui and disappointment so we can
experience everything Netflix has to offer
without having to pay £10 a month.
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: FARAGE VS PROCLAIMERS
The thought of Nigel twins to make you sick
Swedemason writes, "My latest vid for JOE "
This one taking the Proclaimer's 500 miles and
changing to, well, you watch. BTW: Proclaimers
are published by Zoo music, owned by Bill
Drummond. Ever wondered how Bill can pay the
bills and go around the world making weird art
after burning £1m? Shrek. Probably.
http://b3ta.com/links/1515727
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Need a name for your 'weed & beef' restaurant? High Steaks.
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: CYRIAK VS ADAM BUXTON
*sing your own jingle about podcast bins here*
Mutated Monty AKA Cyriak asks you to watch this
"strange video I made for Mr Buxton's podcast."
https://b3ta.com/links/Like_and_Subscribe
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Duran Duran lyrics become glorious if you replace "I" with "Simon"
"In touch with the ground
Simon's on the hunt down, and Simon's after you
Smell like Simon's sound, Simon's lost in a crowd
And Simon's hungry like the wolf"
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Not stuff by us but still ok
* JANE EYRE WRITER, HAIR FOUND - Finally
science can clone her from DNA and build theme
park with a real live Brontësaurus.
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/apr/17/char...
* EGGY THROW GAME - A topical(ish) version of
QWOP. You don't seem to get many topical games
on web game lists any more, even though
topicality is a good attention gimmick.
https://shaunremo.itch.io/eggboythegame
* THIS PLANET NEEDS A NEW NAME - our
suggestion: Janet.
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1117197784355...
* COMMAND LINE SPOTIFY - you can control
Spotify via command line with a bit of fannying
about. We like stuff like this: streaming is so
utilitarian, nice to be able to muck around
with it a bit in non-standard ways.
https://github.com/hnarayanan/shpotify
* LISTEN TO MOVIES - this site is bunging up
audio rips of movies. So why not listen to
these commentaries and pretend they're
podcasts?
http://listentoamovie.com/media/index.php
* ASMR VS FIRE STARTER - in what people are
calling "the worst thing ever created" here's
some dude with Keith Flint make-up whispering
"firestarter" to try and make you feel tingly.
Or sick.
https://m.youtube.com/watch
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The best bit of having a dog is going to the
woods and trampling through the really overgrown
bits and no one thinks you're a nutter coz you've
got a dog. It's essentially a free pass to be
eccentric in public.
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Cat Albums
Here's the best images from last week:
* MEW ORDER - by S4RK
http://b3ta.com/board/11283666
* THE DAMP SIDE OF THE MOON - by (a)lexistwit
http://b3ta.com/board/11283682
* MEWS - by HappyToast
http://b3ta.com/board/11283599
* See all the other images from the 'Cat
Albums' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/catalbums
>> This week: Easter Films <<
It's been a long holiday weekend, what better
time to Photoshop some Easter eggs and vaguely
sacrilegious imagery in to movie posters? It's
an Easter Films Image Challenge!
http://b3ta.com/challenge/easterfilms
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Fantasy fans: belief that the past was more fun.
Sci-Fi fans: hope that the future will be better.
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Ideas to get you started, free, gratis
* A bot that posts "that's the joke" randomly
on replies just to confuse and upset people. Or
"weird flex, but ok"
* A podcast called Milkshake Duck so we could
catch up on who the Internet is disappointed
with this minute
* Easy data journalism idea: buy bags of Tesco
'Alphabites' & analyse letter distribution:
https://www.dunstabletoday.co.uk/news/dunstable-mu...
Send your missives to
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: CREDIT
Edited by Rob Manuel. Help from HappyToast / Monkeon / ohidunno.
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: PATREON THANKS
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PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
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RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
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: OH HELL, IT'S THE RETURN OF FUNNY NAME CORNER
Kill your mum this unwanted shit is back
* Thanks to @Lostock_Henge who's asked us to
look at this toy shop in Austria that sounds
like it would be popular with child
enthusiasts:
http://bumfidl.com
* And in sort of related news we'd like to
bring you art of Fanny Fielding, although this
clearly is so stuffed with rude puns it
shouldn't really count as it's on purpose,
still if it gets a quick laugh right?
https://www.fannyf.art/
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: YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR
Mediamasters Podcast
Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the
newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you
prosper! Love your work" and also promote his
podcast. There's lots of big media names on it
like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger,
so get stuck in:
http://www.mediamasters.fm/
And if YOU also want to be a big sponsor then
fill "company sponsorship" in on the old
Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED
For being our longest patreon
Follow him on the Twitter. Go on.
https://twitter.com/edzitron
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Tip. If you want to have loads of people
telling you they like something, mention on
Twitter that you're not keen on something and
watch the replies flood in.
Not actually shit tip: Bored? Look up the top
40 on your 14th birthday and watch the videos
on YouTube.
