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NEWSLETTER: "WHAT'S THICK AND SMELLS OF STRAWBERRIES? TOMMY ROBINSON"

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This Week:
* GIFS - Upgraded with sound. At last.
* WORDS - "How replying to B3ta changed my life"
* CHALLENGE - 'TV shows vs LPs' came out ACE

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |   "Fuck the internet,
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |     let's microdose 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    pasta... together"

B3ta electro telex 716 - 02 May 2019

Read this issue honk honk:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue716

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Your B3ta editor is writing this newsletter on a
film shoot whilst he waits to record a tiny cameo
in Ashen's new movie 'Ashens and the Polybius
Heist' where he plays a scarcy thug. His children
are genuinely concerned that this is horrible
miscasting as their dad is "weak" and the
producers need to be told they're making a
terrible mistake.

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: GIFS WITH SOUND
  Monkeon makes a new toy

  Our resident interactive maker Monkeon has a
  new thing and tells us, "It is a generator
  which matches sound effects to gifs." We
  particularly like it when you get a doorbell
  sound with someone knocking.
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/soundgifects/ 

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How is a shepherd's pie a pie when it's just meat
with a potato hat? You can't serve sausage & mash
upside down and call it a banger pie.

-------------------------------------------------

: INTERVIEW WITH A FERRYMAN
  Water bloke speaks

  Ronofthesouth shares his "A short film what I
  made about a ferryman". Frankly, boating people
  about looks preferable to almost any other job
  we can think of. We're quitting this internet
  bullshit.
https://b3ta.com/links/The_Ferryman:2

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Happy 30th birthday to The Cure's Disintegration.
We'd like to draw your attention to this warts
and all 'making of' written by keyboard player
Roger O'Donnel full of fantastic period detail
including that they were so addicted to playing
the computer game Elite that they had to ban it
from the studio.
https://web.archive.org/web/20100218055301/http://www.rogerodonnell.com/disintegrationmemories.html

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: ANSWERING A B3TA QUESTION CHANGES MAN'S LIFE
  Coz joining in matters

  Last year we asked you to share your 'work
  related fuck-ups' on Twitter and
  @shockproofbeats' answer gained so much
  traction that it meant he could give up his job
  and write for a living. Fantastic.
https://twitter.com/shockproofbeats/status/1124375571478269952

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What's blue and fucks everything?
The Tories.

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Other stuff that makes us throb with pleasure
 
  * UPSIDE DOWN WONDERWALL - neat quirky cover
  idea. Take a famous melody and invert it, that
  is, when the notes go up, go down and vice
  versa. Surprisingly listenable result in this
  case.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TomnUEb2FaM

  * ARTY JIGSAWS MASHUPS - Jigsaws eh? What
  people used to do before they discovered
  wanking and social media. Apparently many
  jigsaws use the same cutout patterns meaning
  that it's possible to mash them together to
  make strange hybrid art. Dali would approve.
https://themindcircle.com/jigsaw-puzzle-companies-use-the-same-patterns

  * DON'T VANDALISE THIS SITE - Older readers may
  remember 'metababy' - a website that allowed
  you to edit the content on every page. This is
  similar, almost a cross between easter eggs and
  social media. Currently people seem less
  twattish without an audience, so when you find
  one it's generally quite playful. Bit will that
  last?
https://publicnote.com/  

  * DUTCH PROFANITY -  Zuowan writes, "Even for a
  list of swear words, this is grim reading."
  Sample: 'kk is an acronym which can mean either
  kanker (literally: "cancer") or kankerkut
  (literally: "cancer cunt").'
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dutch_profanity 

  * VAMPIRE FAN - this clip from an old BBC TV
  doc asking a woman why she enjoys vampire
  fiction is bloody marvellous.
https://twitter.com/criticalprvrsn/status/1121918841045561344

  * HAIRY CORNFLAKE'S BIG BOOK OF PHOTOS HE LIKES
  TO WANK TO - Dave Lee Travis's book of
  photography is genuinely gobsmacking. Radio 1
  DJs of the past were another world. Lock them
  all up.
https://twitter.com/ChartMusicTOTP/status/1121399781174149120 

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  We interrupt this newsletter to bring you
  alternative names for DLT aka The Hairy
  Cornflake produced by looking up 'hairy' on a
  thesaurus and 'breakfast cereals' on Wikipedia:
  The Bearded Pop-Tart. The Unshaven Special K.
  The Bristly Cocopop. The Downy All-Bran . The
  Fleecy Weetabix. The Whiskered Quaker Oat. The
  Stubbly MultiGrain Cheerio. The Hirsute Sugar
  Puff. Sorry, normal service now resumes.

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  TV show bands

  Really good challenge last week, we asked you
  to mash-up TV shows and LP covers and you did
  fantastic work with over 100 entries.

  Some of the strongest entries were form
  Dr.Dunno (aka ChrisTheBarker on Twitter) so
  let's just declare him winner but there was
  also great work from Ninj and S4RK and many
  others.

  Check out the best here:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/tvshowbands/popular/

  Also Dr.Dunno has twisted our arm to link to
  his best entries for sale as t-shirts and
  cushions(!). 
https://www.redbubble.com/people/christhebarker


  >> This week: The Cure <<
  As previously mentioned, it's happy 30th
  birthday to The Cure's Disintegration and Stone
  Roses' debut album. Two LPs that didn’t
  satisfactorily fit onto a C90. Go on, photoshop
  The Cure.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/thecure

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Johnny Marr should ban Morrissey from liking The
Smiths.

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Do some stuff and end up in a newsletter

  * 17 SECONDS - THE COMPUTER GAME  - play
  tribute to The Cure's second LP with an game
  where you have to press the spacebar at exactly
  17 seconds else Robert Smith does a little
  sigh.

  * A SHOP WHERE YOU CAN GO AND TAPE YOUR
  FAVOURITE ALBUMS - we imagine this as an almost
  religious experience. Select the tape, will it
  be chrome or ferris? Go to a dark room and
  listen to your favorite LP and take home the
  perfect audio-tape. Pens will be supplied for
  labels.

  * A REWORKING OF MAN-MILK OR MOO-MILK WITH
  TOMMY ROBINSON - the ex-EDL frontman is now
  doused with milkshakes everytime he leaves the
  house, let's celebrate this in interactive
  form.

  Send your drawings of your own tits to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 
-------------------------------------------------

: CREDIT
  Edited by Rob Manuel with extras from Monkeon,
  Matt Round & Barst.

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS

  BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX MORRIS*,
  *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES PETTS*,
  *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL
  DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
  *STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
  *ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
  *BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
  BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
  *CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
  MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
  *JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
  *MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
  *PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
  NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
  GOODE

  BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
  @MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
  INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
  DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
  ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
  WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
  AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN
  WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX
  COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY
  FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
  MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS
  BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
  GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
  SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
  FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
  TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
  DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
  AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
  GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
  DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
  DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
  BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
  FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
  LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
  GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
  GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
  NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
  COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
  IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN
  RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
  JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY,
  JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES
  O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
  JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
  ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM
  DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
  MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
  MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
  FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN
  HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY
  WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
  THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, J&#463;M
  MCN&#463;VEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD
  PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE
  MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK
  WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN
  HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON,
  MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW
  COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS,
  MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER,
  MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
  CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
  BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
  PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
  PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
  PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
  RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
  MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
  AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
  ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
  ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
  RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
  RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
  SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
  MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
  STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
  ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
  SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
  ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
  TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
  REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
  TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
  WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
  APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
  CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
  JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
  CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
  ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
  ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
  CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
  NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY
  KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN
  STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH
  MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL
  KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL,
  RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
  TIM BEACHY

  BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper, Nick
  Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam Kaczmarek,
  Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren, Alex
  Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail, Andrew
  Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben, Ben
  Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben
  Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner,
  Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina
  Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan
  Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer
  Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David
  Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham
  Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan
  Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers,
  Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths,
  John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball,
  Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt
  Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth,
  Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick
  Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul
  Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul
  Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob
  Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan,
  Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner,
  Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley,
  Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane,
  Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim
  Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East,
  Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of
  Philadelphia.

  Please bung us your cash:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

: YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR
  Mediamasters Podcast

  Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the
  newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you
  prosper! Love your work" and also promote his
  podcast. There's lots of big media names on it
  like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger,
  so get stuck in:
http://www.mediamasters.fm/

  And if YOU also want to be a big sponsor then
  fill "company sponsorship" in on the old
  Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

: AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED
  For being our longest patreon

  Follow him on the Twitter. Go on.
https://twitter.com/edzitron

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: TOP TOP
  AN upturned camel makes an ideal goal frame in
  the desert. (Monkey the Chicken)

  Add your own at:
http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips

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