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NEWSLETTER: "CREATE YOUR 'B3TA NAME' BY THINKING OF WORD THAT'S NOW PROBLEMATIC AND ADDING AN ANIMAL"

 
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This Week:
* DATA JOURNALISM - Double-entendre detector
* BREXIT - Your guide to the barter economy 
* TRUMP BOT - Now with Gary Larson cartoons

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |       "People who 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |        open emails
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|        are 'lucky'"

B3ta turd-o-mail 714 - 6th Apr 2019

Read this issue fast and it'll be over quickly:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue714

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: DOUBLE-ENTENDRE DETECTOR
  Stick this in your browser and load it

  Monkeon has built a project that find tweets
  that sound "a bit rude" by looking for replies
  saying "fnarr fnarr" and then looking for the
  tweet they were a reply to. Examples include:

  * "Hedge trimming today. I hate a bush that's
  out of control!"

  * "If he tries to shove it in my mouth one more
  time I cannot guarantee that I wonít throw up
  on him."

  * "I got my fabric stiffener today. If anything
  stands still I am now going to stiffen
  it....watch out."

  It's actually genius - there's been whole
  academic projects devoted to spotting innuendo
  but monitoring people's reactions is
  brilliantly simple hack.

  Monkeon tells us, "You get of a Finbarr
  Saunders version of the Tetris effect after
  reading so many.  You see them everywhere."
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/titter/ 

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No turds Taggart
No crap Columbo
No merde Morse
No poop Poirot
No manure Miss Marple
No bum-juice Bergerac
No shit Sherlock

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: POST BREXIT BARTER ECONOMY TOOL
  Coz fags will be more useful than cash

  Gwil & Andrew write, "We've done our bit for
  Brexit preparations and have built this handy
  tool for the post-Brexit barter based economy."

  Want to know how many potatoes you'd get for
  your car battery? Then look no further. (It's
  28 apparently - we just checked)
https://brexchangerate.uk/ 

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The Brexit solution is simple: nuke the moon.
Seriously. No one will be talking about Brexit is
the Moon is missing. Probably nuked.

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: WHAT TIME IS DEATH?
  KLF Movie hitting screens soon 

  B3ta was pleased to be invited to a screening
  of What Time Is Death by the film's director
  Paul Duane, a documentary exploring the last
  year of ex-KLF Bill Drummond & Jimmy Caughty's
  life as they transition their stadium-rave
  brand to burying the dead. Seriously, they're
  undertakers now.

  Film is currently being submitted to festivals
  so look out for it, but in the meantime, feel
  free to get your remains 'mumufied'.
https://www.mumufication.com/

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Don't put "gun for hire" in your profile unless
you're a contract killer. You're wasting your own
time as well as ours.

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: TRUMP BOT
  His terrible tweets vs Gary Larson

  CuntyBumface writes, "My first every Twitter
  bot. Every time Trump tweets, it gets pasted
  into a random Gary Larson cartoon and reposted
  back to Twitter. It's all perfectly logical."
https://twitter.com/FarSideOfTrump

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Imagine how many people would sign a petition to
choose chaos with Ed Miliband.

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: B3TA BOARDER WRITE BOOK
  "Older King's Horses"

  Dr Dunno, best known on B3ta for his yearly
  Sgt. Pepper death montages writes, "I wrote
  this on my phone, using my thumb, but now it's
  a book and people like it. Contains mild peril
  and climate dystopia."
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1092123636/b3ta-21

  BTW: Dr Dunno also had a plan to write a
  completely empty book based on Theresa May's
  best thoughts but was forced to go on holiday
  instead.

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Dried mango: imagine if shoes tasted delicious.
Itís basically the closest we'll ever get to
knowing what itís like to be a dog.

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: YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR
  Mediamasters Podcast

  Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the
  newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you
  prosper! Love your work" and also promote his
  podcast. There's lots of big media names on it
  like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger,
  so get stuck in:
http://www.mediamasters.fm/

  And if YOU also want to be a big sponsor then
  fill "company sponsorship" in on the old
  Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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: SITES IN BEEF
  Stuff from outside the official B3ta universe

  * SILENT MOVIES GIFS - we admit we mostly just
  looked at the gifs and skimmed the article, but
  what lovely gifs silent comedies make.
http://www.lapsuslima.com/buster-keaton-anarchitect/ 

  * BUSINESS CARD GAME - type in this game whose
  code fits neatly on a business card. It's
  actually quite fun, taking the style of
  scrolling game everyone used to try and write
  in BASIC and adds a few neat extra gameplay
  features.
http://frankforce.com/?p=5826 

  * BILLY CORGAN RIDES A ROLLERCOASTER - the long
  awaited follow up to "Ian Curtis rides a
  rollercoaster." Robert Smith next?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azhgpelu0vY&fbclid= 

-------------------------------------------------

Why did the polyester duvet not get into the
nightclub? Coz the bouncer said, "if your name's
not down, you're not coming in"

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  SuperheroSoapOperas

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * GOTHAM HILL - Dunna-nunna-nunna-nunna
  buddub-buddub bowwwww  ((a)lexistwit)
http://b3ta.com/board/11282769

  * SAAAA-BERS......EVERYBODY NEEDS GOOD
  SABERS...... -  (Scumbrian)
http://b3ta.com/board/11282481

  * X-MENDERS -  (Captain Howdy)
http://b3ta.com/board/11282510

  * See all the other images from the
  'SuperheroSoapOperas' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/superherosoapoperas

  >> This week: Extend <<
  We're extending things this week, make what you
  want that little bit longer, books, films,
  music, animals, words,
  whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/extend

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: IS A £7 RECHARGEABLE SPEAKER ANY GOOD?
  We bought it to find out

  Grabbed this rechargeable speaker on a whim.
  It's remarkably functional for £7. Bluetooth,
  auxiliary port and SD card reader that plays
  MP3s. The sounds? Not bad, not amazing but a
  lot better than your phone. Still it's £7.
  Technology is nuts, this is more functional
  that the entire stereo system we used as a
  teenager. 
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0749J2SGR/b3ta-21

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some inspiration to start you off
 
  * MECHANICAL TURK SPOTIFY -  press play on a
  song and you get a live video feed of some
  random person who owns the LP sticking it on a
  turntable. Would actually be quite fun if done
  in realtime for real/

  * SPUD-BLOCK - use a Google Chrome plug-in to
  background-search for plastic potatoes once a
  day to convince the ad networks to display
  utterly useless ads and thus foil capitalism
  and bring the revolution closer.

  * ALEXA ON VINYL - Hundreds of locked grooves
  on a disk. Each one listing a recommendation
  for a great record, "Alexa, play Kind of Blue
  by Miles Davis". All the physicality and
  sensual enjoyment of putting a record on but
  the breadth and convenience of streaming.

  * QUIZ: CRASH OUT OR GASH OUT - not sure how
  this would work to be honest, we just like the
  title.

  Send your work to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: CREDIT
  Edited by Rob Manuel with extra stuff from Monkeon.

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS

  BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX MORRIS*,
  *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES PETTS*,
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  DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
  *STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
  *ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
  *BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
  BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
  *CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
  MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
  *JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
  *MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
  *PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
  NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
  GOODE

  BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
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  INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
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  ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
  WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
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  FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
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  SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
  FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
  TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
  DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
  AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
  GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
  DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
  DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
  BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
  FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
  LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
  GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
  GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
  NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
  COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
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  RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
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  O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
  JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
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  THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, J&#463;M
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  MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
  CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
  BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
  PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
  PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
  PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
  RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
  MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
  AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
  ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
  ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
  RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
  RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
  SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
  MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
  STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
  ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
  SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
  ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
  TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
  REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
  TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
  WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
  APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
  CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
  JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
  CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
  ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
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  Please bung us your cash:
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-------------------------------------------------

: AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED
  For being our longest patreon

  Follow him on the Twitter. Go on.
https://twitter.com/edzitron

-------------------------------------------------

: TOP TIP

  Landlords. Rid your pub of people under 45 by
  playing The Stone Roses debut album in full.
  (markreynolds95)
http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips

 
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