NEWSLETTER: "FORGET EVERYTHING AND LOOK AT SOME STUPID BOLLOCKS INSTEAD!"
This Week:
* GAME - Can you sing the high notes like Sting?
* CODE - Michael Gove is a Knob (Amstrad edition)
* KUNT - Interview with a popstar
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Saving the web was an
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | error but we're living
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| with it... sorry"
B3ta email 735 - 29th Nov 2019
Program this issue in Amstrad CPC Basic:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue734
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK #1
Other than pretending to be asleep
>> Hit the High Notes Singing Game <<
Malevole writes, "Instead of howling into the
void, screeeeam at your browser to find your
highest note, Mariah Carey is the FINAL BOSS
Spent ages bodging together decent pitch
detection, should work in most recent
browsers."
https://vole.wtf/high-notes/
>> Song about animals <<
Michaelmphysics AKA bloke who invented that
slugs/guitar meme writes, "Trying to break into
doing music for kids, so i wrote this quick
song about animals."
https://twitter.com/michaelmphysics/status/1196546...
>> Kunt and the Gang Interview <<
B3ta's favourite pop star gives an honest
interview to a blog about balancing internet
stardom, chucking it all in and making a living
as a decorator. Love him.
https://thejohnfleming.wordpress.com/2019/11/22/ku...
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Find out your 'nonce name' by taking your first
name and adding HRH Prince to the front.
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: FESSHOLE
Your fessfessions, fessfessed
* WIFE - "My wife insists on me making her a
cup of tea in front of the telly, which I
really can't be arsed with, so I've been making
it progressively weaker over time, hoping
she'll stop. She now says she only likes her
tea barely brewed. I've forgotten who's
trolling who at this point."
* THEFT - "I work in an Amazon warehouse. Every
shift I steal stuff and then sell it on Amazon
Marketplace."
* LIES - "I've lied on my CV for over 30yrs and
climbed the greasy pole on the strength of it.
Last week I signed off a 3Bn++ IT project that
I really don't understand. I've only got a
BTEC." (It's how everything is run. Idiots from
the bottom to the top and 1 person in ten
frantically trying to unfuck the chaos.)
You have now submitted 170,000 words to
fesshole. That's like three shit books. Please
will you just stop.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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Paul Heaton might want to "sail this ship alone"
but he'd be breaking maritime law and risking a
court martial.
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff made by non-B3tans, the talented wankers
* FAMILY GUY THROUHG A VOCODER - reminds us of
being teenage stoners and feeding the audio of
the Doors movie through an Amiga and making
everyone squeaky and high pitched in real time.
https://b3ta.com/links/Family_Guy_Vocoded
* IF FIGHTING FANTASY BOOKS HAD NEW TITLRS - we
like Mr Biffo's one-man Fighting Fantasy image
challenge.
https://digitiser2000.com/main-page/what-fighting-...
* UFO CHICKEN COUP - if you can keep a straight
face whilst watching chickens being abducted
then you're someone who can keep a straight
face. Well done, what do you want, a fuck medal
for your straight fucking face? Fuck off.
https://b3ta.com/links/UFO_Chicken_Coop
* SUPER-8 ARCHIVE - this collection of old
film, mostly recorded by families, is like
looking into memories. Voyeuristic, a little
bit creepy and utterly compelling.
https://open-memory-box.de
* INSTNT 3D PHOTOS - A new Python machine
learning library turns static photos into 2.5D
animations. The effect is like rostrum filler
from TV docs from 10 years ago.
https://waxy.org/2019/11/turning-photos-into-2-5d-...
* TV TEST CARDS - We like that there's still
part of the internet who are obsessed by things
like test cards, and this is a fine use of
HTML5.
https://625.uk.com/tv_logos/svg.htm#clocks
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Roger Moore is its own Bond Girl name. "I'm Roger
Moore" "I bet you do"
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK #2
Bonus b3ta content - hooray!
>> "Michael Gove is a knob" <<
Your editor's swearing clock project has become
self-aware and written the most profound bit of
computer programming ever made, and he wasted
newsletter writing time by making a video. The
twat.
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1198014572751...
>> B3tan makes book <<
Old b3tan Dr Dunno AKA @christhebarker has
collected together the newspaper front pages
he's designed in a book with commentary. You
should spunk all your money on it NOW.
http://www.coveringbrexit.com
>> Mail Order Sex Robot <<
A sketch from jurassicpaul about how realistic
they're getting.
https://b3ta.com/links/Mail_Order_Robot
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Coldplay 'not touring' until concerts are
'environmentally beneficial' . Good news in these
dark times
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Film Anagrams
Here's the best images from last week:
* AT MY SIGNAL, UNLEASH GLITTER! - (S4RK)
http://b3ta.com/board/11298985
* THIS ONE - (Flash_Bastard)
http://b3ta.com/board/11299156
* SHOEHORN! - (thecrapgatsby)
http://b3ta.com/board/11299188
* See all the other images from the 'Film
Anagrams' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/filmanagrams
>> This week: Add a letter actors <<
Add a letter to an actors name and do a funny
picture. You know, like Dusting Hoffman, Glenn
Closer or Michael Cained.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/addaletteractors
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Hive mind. How do bees think?
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: FRIDAY GAME
Yes, it's Friday. Let's play games
* TETRIS SNAKE - Tetris on the left, Snake on
the right. You play both at the same time. With
the same controls. You lose in one, you lose in
both. Good luck.
https://grgrdvrt.com/codevember_2019/9_game/
We also enjoyed this amusingly cynical
countdown of how long it will be until Google
Stadia shuts down.
http://stadiacountdown.com
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If Who Wants To Be A Millionaire changed its name
in line with inflation it would now be called Who
Wants To Be A 1,728,602.55aire
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make some stuff you lazy cunts
* SIMPLE INNOVATION ON CLASSIC PRODUCTS - e.g.
Sellotape with perforated breaks every 2
inches.
* PUT OUT THE SUN - Make a list of Sun
newspaper Twitter accounts and journalists.
Write a Crome plug-in so you can zap them in
one go. Call it... SUN BLOCK.
* SHILLING THE TROLLS - A bot that winds up
Brexity types by pointing out that there's no
such thing as the EU shilling as they use the
Euro.
* PHONE CAST - Make cards. Stick them in phone
boxes. Make content out of the people who call.
Send photos of your balls to us and we'll
report you. Holy shit we will.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: TOP TIP
Prevent your free to play iPhone game from
displaying adverts by sticking your phone in
Airplane Mode.
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel,
Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry,
Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson,
Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller,
Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker,
Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes,
midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman,
Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda,
Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard
Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk,
Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott
S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon
Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall,
Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith,
Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim
Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan,
TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden,
AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow,
Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig
Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar,
Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence,
James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah
Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh,
Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen
Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick
Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett,
Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart
Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons,
Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike
Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick
Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea
Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben
cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat
Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen,
Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The
Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz
Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks,
Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M
Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim
Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E,
Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt
Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives,
Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul
Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas,
Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert
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Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt
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