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NEWSLETTER: "FORGET EVERYTHING AND LOOK AT SOME STUPID BOLLOCKS INSTEAD!"

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This Week:
* GAME - Can you sing the high notes like Sting?
* CODE - Michael Gove is a Knob (Amstrad edition)
* KUNT - Interview with a popstar

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "Saving the web was an 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  error but we're living
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   with it... sorry"

B3ta email 735 - 29th Nov 2019

Program this issue in Amstrad CPC Basic:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue734

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK #1
  Other than pretending to be asleep

  >> Hit the High Notes Singing Game <<
  Malevole writes, "Instead of howling into the
  void, screeeeam at your browser to find your
  highest note, Mariah Carey is the FINAL BOSS
  Spent ages bodging together decent pitch
  detection, should work in most recent
  browsers."
https://vole.wtf/high-notes/ 

  >> Song about animals <<
  Michaelmphysics AKA bloke who invented that
  slugs/guitar meme writes, "Trying to break into
  doing music for kids, so i wrote this quick
  song about animals." 
https://twitter.com/michaelmphysics/status/1196546125723045889

  >> Kunt and the Gang Interview <<
  B3ta's favourite pop star gives an honest
  interview to a blog about balancing internet
  stardom, chucking it all in and making a living
  as a decorator. Love him.
https://thejohnfleming.wordpress.com/2019/11/22/kunt-and-the-gang-why-did-he-chuck-it-all-in-could-he-still-go-mainstream/

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Find out your 'nonce name' by taking your first
name and adding HRH Prince to the front.

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: FESSHOLE
  Your fessfessions, fessfessed

  * WIFE - "My wife insists on me making her a
  cup of tea in front of the telly, which I
  really can't be arsed with, so I've been making
  it progressively weaker over time, hoping
  she'll stop. She now says she only likes her
  tea barely brewed. I've forgotten who's
  trolling who at this point."

  * THEFT - "I work in an Amazon warehouse. Every
  shift I steal stuff and then sell it on Amazon
  Marketplace."

  * LIES - "I've lied on my CV for over 30yrs and
  climbed the greasy pole on the strength of it.
  Last week I signed off a 3Bn++ IT project that
  I really don't understand. I've only got a
  BTEC." (It's how everything is run. Idiots from
  the bottom to the top and 1 person in ten
  frantically trying to unfuck the chaos.)

  You have now submitted 170,000 words to
  fesshole. That's like three shit books. Please
  will you just stop.
https://twitter.com/fesshole

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Paul Heaton might want to "sail this ship alone"
but he'd be breaking maritime law and risking a
court martial.

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff made by non-B3tans, the talented wankers

  * FAMILY GUY THROUHG A VOCODER - reminds us of
  being teenage stoners and feeding the audio of
  the Doors movie through an Amiga and making
  everyone squeaky and high pitched in real time.
https://b3ta.com/links/Family_Guy_Vocoded

  * IF FIGHTING FANTASY BOOKS HAD NEW TITLRS - we
  like Mr Biffo's one-man Fighting Fantasy image
  challenge.
https://digitiser2000.com/main-page/what-fighting-fantasy-books-shouldve-been-called

  * UFO CHICKEN COUP - if you can keep a straight
  face whilst watching chickens being abducted
  then you're someone who can keep a straight
  face. Well done, what do you want, a fuck medal
  for your straight fucking face? Fuck off. 
https://b3ta.com/links/UFO_Chicken_Coop

  * SUPER-8 ARCHIVE - this collection of old
  film, mostly recorded by families, is like
  looking into memories. Voyeuristic, a little
  bit creepy and utterly compelling.   
https://open-memory-box.de

  * INSTNT 3D PHOTOS - A new Python machine
  learning library turns static photos into 2.5D
  animations. The effect is like rostrum filler
  from TV docs from 10 years ago. 
https://waxy.org/2019/11/turning-photos-into-2-5d-parallax-animations-with-machine-learning/

  * TV TEST CARDS - We like that there's still
  part of the internet who are obsessed by things
  like test cards, and this is a fine use of
  HTML5.
https://625.uk.com/tv_logos/svg.htm#clocks

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Roger Moore is its own Bond Girl name. "I'm Roger
Moore" "I bet you do"

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK #2
  Bonus b3ta content - hooray! 

  >> "Michael Gove is a knob" <<
  Your editor's swearing clock project has become
  self-aware and written the most profound bit of
  computer programming ever made, and he wasted
  newsletter writing time by making a video. The
  twat.
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1198014572751392773

  >> B3tan makes book <<
  Old b3tan Dr Dunno AKA @christhebarker has
  collected together the newspaper front pages
  he's designed in a book with commentary. You
  should spunk all your money on it NOW.
http://www.coveringbrexit.com 

  >> Mail Order Sex Robot <<
  A sketch from jurassicpaul about how realistic
  they're getting.
https://b3ta.com/links/Mail_Order_Robot

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Coldplay 'not touring' until concerts are
'environmentally beneficial' . Good news in these
dark times

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Film Anagrams

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * AT MY SIGNAL, UNLEASH GLITTER! -  (S4RK)
http://b3ta.com/board/11298985

  * THIS ONE -  (Flash_Bastard)
http://b3ta.com/board/11299156

  * SHOEHORN! -  (thecrapgatsby)
http://b3ta.com/board/11299188

  * See all the other images from the 'Film
  Anagrams' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/filmanagrams


  >> This week: Add a letter actors <<
  Add a letter to an actors name and do a funny
  picture. You know, like Dusting Hoffman, Glenn
  Closer or Michael Cained.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/addaletteractors

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Hive mind. How do bees think?

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: FRIDAY GAME
  Yes, it's Friday. Let's play games
  
  * TETRIS SNAKE - Tetris on the left, Snake on
  the right. You play both at the same time. With
  the same controls. You lose in one, you lose in
  both. Good luck.
https://grgrdvrt.com/codevember_2019/9_game/

  We also enjoyed this amusingly cynical
  countdown of how long it will be until Google
  Stadia shuts down.
http://stadiacountdown.com

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If Who Wants To Be A Millionaire changed its name
in line with inflation it would now be called Who
Wants To Be A 1,728,602.55aire

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Make some stuff you lazy cunts

  * SIMPLE INNOVATION ON CLASSIC PRODUCTS - e.g.
  Sellotape with perforated breaks every 2
  inches.

  * PUT OUT THE SUN -  Make a list of Sun
  newspaper Twitter accounts and journalists.
  Write a Crome plug-in so you can zap them in
  one go. Call it... SUN BLOCK.

  * SHILLING THE TROLLS - A bot that winds up
  Brexity types by pointing out that there's no
  such thing as the EU shilling as they use the
  Euro.
  
  * PHONE CAST - Make cards. Stick them in phone
  boxes. Make content out of the people who call.
  
  Send photos of your balls to us and we'll
  report you. Holy shit we will. 
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: TOP TIP
  Prevent your free to play iPhone game from
  displaying adverts by sticking your phone in
  Airplane Mode.

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: PATREON THANKS
  We love all these people
  
  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel,
  Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry,
  Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson,
  Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller,
  Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker,
  Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes,
  midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman,
  Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda,
  Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard
  Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk,
  Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott
  S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon
  Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall,
  Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith,
  Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim
  Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan,
  TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden,
  AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow,
  Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig
  Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar,
  Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence,
  James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah
  Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh,
  Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen
  Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick
  Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett,
  Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart
  Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons,
  Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike
  Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick
  Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea
  Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben
  cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat
  Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen,
  Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The
  Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz
  Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks,
  Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M
  Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim
  Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E,
  Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt
  Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives,
  Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul
  Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas,
  Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert
  Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt

  Please join the patreon so we can afford to
  eat. Thank you.
http://patreon.com/b3ta

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