NEWSLETTER: "WHICH INTROSPECTIVE SINGER-SONGWRITER STEALS MALE DUCKS? NICK DRAKE"
This Week:
* INTERACTIVE - Silent movie thingie
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Fucking swearing again
* FESSHOLE - The truth about microwave "rules"
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're screwing our eyes
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | in the hope it'll go to
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| away ... together"
B3ta electric e-mail 740 - 10th February 2020
Read this issue whilst shitting on the bog:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue740
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
Other than making suspicious jam
>> Silent movie (no) soundboard <<
Monkeon has made a thing that turns classic
animated gifs into silent movies. He writes,
"New Shit from me! The original concept was
just to pop up cards with random onomatopoeia
on them, but I ended up making full clips. The
opposite of digital remastering."
https://monkeon.co.uk/silentmoviesoundboard/
>> The Person Behind The Comedian <<
Pig Face Turnip writes, "Made this little chat
show where the guest comedian isn't allowed to
talk. Warning: contains bikini wrestling. No
nudity, but there is a bottom in a bikini on
display."
https://b3ta.com/links/The_Person_Behind_The_Comed...
>> VR is great! <<
JamHamster writes, " I've been sharpening up
my video editing skills and slung together
some of my 'greatest hits' (yes, I went
there!). If you like Games and cartoon
violence, it might be worth a click!"
https://b3ta.com/links/VR_is_great
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Sequels to Telegram Sam that Marc Bolan might
have written had he lived:
E-mail Dale
MySpace Jase
Telex Bex
Fax Machine Jean
Internet Relay Chat Pat
ICQ Pru
MSN Jen
eBuddy Dudley
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: KLF CORNER
Coz that's what the kids are into these days
* Our chum Chris Atkins has just got out of
jail for tax fraud and has written a book
about his experiences. We've "raad" the
audiobook version and particuarly enjoyed
Chris's impressions of the prisoners "you get
me fam". Highly recommended. And also, in
further KLF news, we hear that there *might*
be film-y action from him too in this area.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07WHMTW...
* And closer to home - we've rejigged our bot
that retweeted out The Manual: How To Have A
Number One The Easy Way so that it'll reply to
you with a random sentence if you talk to it.
Maybe use for for oblique advice?
https://twitter.com/_the_manual_
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Beatles lyrics fixed for decimalisation / metric.
"He's got 50p up his nose"
"If she's gone I can't go on. Feeling 0.61
meters small"
"I'm coming down fast but I'm over 1.6
kilometres above you"
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: FESSHOLE
Anonymous confessions corner
Each week we select the best material from our
anonymous confessions account.
* LIES - "The landlord at my local thinks I'm
a Charlton Athletic fan. I fucking hate
football. I must have drunkenly agreed with
him about them being good. It's been 4 years
and I have to look up their latest score every
time before go in."
* MORE LIES - "For the past twelve years we've
told my mother in law we were going to a New
Year's Eve party, so she'd have our son. We
haven't left the house. Or had people over.
Not once."
* NOT A LIE - "On completion of heating a
microwave meal I don't let the meal stand for
1 minute,I serve straight away."
Make sure you join the 55,000 people who've
followed this bollocks so far.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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All songs where the singer mentions their age
should be updated to the correct age of singer.
Suede: "Now you're over fifty-two, ooh-ooh-ooh"
Stooges: "Last year I was 71 / I didn't have a
lot of fun"
Beatles: "Will you still need me, will you still
feed me When I'm 77"
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: SITES IN BRIEF
The content made by others and sweeter for it
* WORLD'S LONGEST URL - An internet record for
Norris McWhirter, who would probably have
loved the web. Especially all the right wing
libertarian guff.
http://a.b.c.d.e.f.g.h.i.j.k.l.m.n.oo.pp.qqq.rrrr....
* EMOTION ERIC INTERVIEW - King of web 1.0
Emotion Eric is back! Well, for one interview.
https://roboppy.net/posts/emotion-eric-wu-intervie...
* TUBE SPEED RUNNING - people are speed
running challenges on the London Underground.
Apparently you can visit all lines in just
over 30 mins. Might try that.
http://explorerticket.co.uk/tubechallenge/
* NEAT PUZZLE GAME - An enjoyable puzzler,
starring David Bellamy.
https://mmatt-ugh.itch.io/wiz
* JOHNNY BALL ON NUMBERPHILE - Number nonce
Ball, beloved of middle-aged maths nerds
proves that he still exists.
https://b3ta.com/links/Simbospam_Ancient_maths
* REMEMBER PLINKY THE CAT - Joyous seeing this
again. Pure internet.
https://b3ta.com/links/Pinky_the_cat
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Monty Python
Here's the best images from last week:
* This entry from Atomic
http://b3ta.com/board/11304709
* This one from S4RK
http://b3ta.com/board/11304885
* And this one from Captain Howdy
http://b3ta.com/board/11304932
* See all the other images from the 'Monty
Python' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/montypython/popular/
>> This week: Swearing <<
Everything's going to hell so lets let off
some steam with a few days of comedy swearing.
Photoshop your favourite swears in funny ways
or animate the heck out of some hand gestures.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/swearing/popular/
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Pleased to announce that Practical Computing
Magazine has been added to the Yore Computer
bot and will pop up randomly from now on in.
So if you want random pages from old computer
mags in your Twitter feed - do follow. And
thank you to Jason Scott at The Internet
Archive for helping this happen.
https://twitter.com/yorecomputer
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Ideas for get you started
* REALISTIC PHIL COLLINS SIMULATOR - A game
where you play Phil Collins and you have to
divorce your wife by fax but the game is a
very accurate and slightly boring fax machine
simulator.
* REALISTIC AIRPODS SIMULATOR - A game where
you can't find them, and if you they've gone
flat anyway. "Greetings Professors Falcon,
strange game, the only winning move is to use
£20 wired headphones from Argos"
* REALISTIC PUB SIMULATOR - A game where you
consider going to the pub but decided nah,
cans from the supermarket and bed.
You know what to do. Mail us.
https://b3ta.com/mailus
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For Sale, Baby Shoes, Never Worn.
(This isn't tragic, babies don't need shoes as
they can't walk, dad was a dumbo buying them.)
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
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