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NEWSLETTER: "WHICH INTROSPECTIVE SINGER-SONGWRITER STEALS MALE DUCKS? NICK DRAKE"

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This Week:
* INTERACTIVE - Silent movie thingie
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Fucking swearing again 
* FESSHOLE - The truth about microwave "rules" 

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're screwing our eyes
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  in the hope it'll go to
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    away ... together"

B3ta electric e-mail 740 - 10th February 2020

Read this issue whilst shitting on the bog:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue740

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
  Other than making suspicious jam

  >> Silent movie (no) soundboard <<
  Monkeon has made a thing that turns classic
  animated gifs into silent movies. He writes,
  "New Shit from me! The original concept was
  just to pop up cards with random onomatopoeia
  on them, but I ended up making full clips. The
  opposite of digital remastering."
https://monkeon.co.uk/silentmoviesoundboard/

  >> The Person Behind The Comedian <<
  Pig Face Turnip writes, "Made this little chat
  show where the guest comedian isn't allowed to
  talk. Warning: contains bikini wrestling. No
  nudity, but there is a bottom in a bikini on
  display."
https://b3ta.com/links/The_Person_Behind_The_Comedian

  >> VR is great! <<
  JamHamster writes, " I've been sharpening up
  my video editing skills and slung together
  some of my 'greatest hits' (yes, I went
  there!). If you like Games and cartoon
  violence, it might be worth a click!"
https://b3ta.com/links/VR_is_great

-------------------------------------------------

Sequels to Telegram Sam that Marc Bolan might
have written had he lived:

E-mail Dale
MySpace Jase
Telex Bex
Fax Machine Jean
Internet Relay Chat Pat
ICQ Pru
MSN Jen
eBuddy Dudley

-------------------------------------------------

: KLF CORNER
  Coz that's what the kids are into these days

  * Our chum Chris Atkins has just got out of
  jail for tax fraud and has written a book
  about his experiences. We've "raad" the
  audiobook version and particuarly enjoyed
  Chris's impressions of the prisoners "you get
  me fam". Highly recommended. And also, in
  further KLF news, we hear that there *might*
  be film-y action from him too in this area.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07WHMTWLV/b3ta-21

  * And closer to home - we've rejigged our bot
  that retweeted out The Manual: How To Have A
  Number One The Easy Way so that it'll reply to
  you with a random sentence if you talk to it.
  Maybe use for for oblique advice?
https://twitter.com/_the_manual_

-------------------------------------------------

Beatles lyrics fixed for decimalisation / metric.

"He's got 50p up his nose"
"If she's gone I can't go on. Feeling 0.61
meters small"
"I'm coming down fast but I'm over 1.6
kilometres above you"

-------------------------------------------------

: FESSHOLE
  Anonymous confessions corner

  Each week we select the best material from our
  anonymous confessions account.

  * LIES - "The landlord at my local thinks I'm
  a Charlton Athletic fan. I fucking hate
  football. I must have drunkenly agreed with
  him about them being good. It's been 4 years
  and I have to look up their latest score every
  time before go in."

  * MORE LIES - "For the past twelve years we've
  told my mother in law we were going to a New
  Year's Eve party, so she'd have our son. We
  haven't left the house. Or had people over.
  Not once."

  * NOT A LIE - "On completion of heating a
  microwave meal I don't let the meal stand for
  1 minute,I serve straight away."

  Make sure you join the 55,000 people who've
  followed this bollocks so far.
https://twitter.com/fesshole

-------------------------------------------------

All songs where the singer mentions their age
should be updated to the correct age of singer.

Suede: "Now you're over fifty-two, ooh-ooh-ooh"
Stooges: "Last year I was 71 / I didn't have a
lot of fun"
Beatles: "Will you still need me, will you still
feed me When I'm 77"

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  The content made by others and sweeter for it

  * WORLD'S LONGEST URL - An internet record for
  Norris McWhirter, who would probably have
  loved the web.  Especially all the right wing
  libertarian guff.
http://a.b.c.d.e.f.g.h.i.j.k.l.m.n.oo.pp.qqq.rrrr.ssssss.tttttttt.uuuuuuuuuuu.vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv.wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.me

  * EMOTION ERIC INTERVIEW - King of web 1.0
  Emotion Eric is back! Well, for one interview.
https://roboppy.net/posts/emotion-eric-wu-interview

  * TUBE SPEED RUNNING - people are speed
  running challenges on the London Underground.
  Apparently you can visit all lines in just
  over 30 mins. Might try that.
http://explorerticket.co.uk/tubechallenge/

  * NEAT PUZZLE GAME - An enjoyable puzzler,
  starring David Bellamy.
https://mmatt-ugh.itch.io/wiz

  * JOHNNY BALL ON NUMBERPHILE - Number nonce
  Ball, beloved of middle-aged maths nerds
  proves that he still exists.
https://b3ta.com/links/Simbospam_Ancient_maths

  * REMEMBER PLINKY THE CAT - Joyous seeing this
  again. Pure internet.
https://b3ta.com/links/Pinky_the_cat

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Monty Python

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * This entry from Atomic
http://b3ta.com/board/11304709

  * This one from S4RK
http://b3ta.com/board/11304885

  * And this one from Captain Howdy
http://b3ta.com/board/11304932

  * See all the other images from the 'Monty
  Python' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/montypython/popular/

  >> This week: Swearing <<
  Everything's going to hell so lets let off
  some steam with a few days of comedy swearing.
  Photoshop your favourite swears in funny ways
  or animate the heck out of some hand gestures.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/swearing/popular/

-------------------------------------------------

  Pleased to announce that Practical Computing
  Magazine has been added to the Yore Computer
  bot and will pop up randomly from now on in.
  So if you want random pages from old computer
  mags in your Twitter feed - do follow. And
  thank you to Jason Scott at The Internet
  Archive for helping this happen.
https://twitter.com/yorecomputer

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Ideas for get you started

  * REALISTIC PHIL COLLINS SIMULATOR - A game
  where you play Phil Collins and you have to
  divorce your wife by fax but the game is a
  very accurate and slightly boring fax machine
  simulator.

  * REALISTIC AIRPODS SIMULATOR - A game where
  you can't find them, and if you they've gone
  flat anyway. "Greetings Professors Falcon,
  strange game, the only winning move is to use
  £20 wired headphones from Argos"

  * REALISTIC PUB SIMULATOR - A game where you
  consider going to the pub but decided nah,
  cans from the supermarket and bed.

  You know what to do. Mail us.
https://b3ta.com/mailus

-------------------------------------------------

For Sale, Baby Shoes, Never Worn.

(This isn't tragic, babies don't need shoes as
they can't walk, dad was a dumbo buying them.)

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
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  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
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  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
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  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
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  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
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  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
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  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
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  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
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  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
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  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
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  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
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  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
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  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
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  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
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  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
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  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
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  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
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  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt

  Please join the patreon so we can afford to
  eat. And thank you to newish Patreons Ben
  Rout, Tim Clarke, Simon Balch - and even newer
  ones Clemence Saussez, Derek Colley and Martin
  Pritchard.
http://patreon.com/b3ta

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