NEWSLETTER: "EVERY SONG IS A UTAH SAINTS SONG IF YOU SHOUT 'U-U-U-U UTAH SAINTS!' OVER THE TOP"
This Week:
* INTERACTIVE - 17th Century Death Roulette
* MUSIC - Coronavirus as plinky-plonky tune
* TRAVELATOR - Performing The Smiths
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're hiding under
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the desk
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 741 - 28th Feb 2020
Read this issue shouting "Oi! Oi!":
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue741
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
Other than making suspicious jam
>> 17th Century Death Roulette <<
Matt Round writes, "Spin the wheel with
hundreds of nasty ways to go taken from
London’s Dreadful Visitation, a collection of
Bills of Mortality from 1665, the year the
plague came out of nowhere and spread across
London." Nice. Teeth killed us/
https://vole.wtf/death-roulette/
Matt has also made a cartoon generator. Which
shouts "OK BOOMER!" a lot, so don't be upset
old time readers of B3ta.
https://vole.wtf/avocado-n-toast/
>> Travelator Performs The Smiths "How Soon Is Now” <<
Pesky Young Scamp writes, "You may remember my
mildly amusing video of a Jubilee Line Ticket
Barrier singing Blur's Song 2. Well, it's
taken over 6 years for the follow-up." Yay,
it's everyone's favourite racist band!
https://b3ta.com/links/Heathrow_Moving_Walkway_Per...
>> Coronavirus as music <<
The world is teetering on the verge of a
pandemic and Shardcore has turned the 8k of
Coronavirus RNA into music. It's quite
listenable. Who knew the apocalypse would be
so soothing?
http://www.shardcore.org/shardpress2019/2020/02/28...
BONUS CORONAVIRUS DEAD POOL POLL: How many
deaths do you think there will be in the UK
due to the coronavirus by the end of the year?
Add your estimate to the form and if you're
right you'll have the satisfaction of being
right, you smug wanker.
http://bit.ly/coronavirusdeadpool
-------------------------------------------------
: BOOK PLUG
Turned On: Science, Sex and Robots
Kate Devlin, one time B3ta Question of the
Week enthusiast writes, "Hello! Would you
possibly be so kind as to mention in the b3ta
newsletter that my book is out in much cheaper
paperback and that it has the most b3ta-like
index possible? (Cock rings, p. 33, Computers
pp. 71-72)"
https://wordery.com/turned-on-kate-devlin-97814729...
-------------------------------------------------
: FESSHOLE
Anonymous confessions corner
Each week we select the shittiest material
from our anonymous confessions account and
publish it. Here's the worst, no sorry, best:
* SACKED - "I got the sack for gross
misconduct after looking at porn in the
office. When I got offered a new job and had
to give my most recent employer as a reference
so I bought a burner phone, gave them that
number and put on an accent when they called
so they wouldn't know it was me."
* BACKED - "I met a girl in a club and we
danced and kissed for most of the night. I got
progressively more drunk and at some point
mistook another girl for her, and accidentally
went home with her instead. I had a 2 year
relationship with this second girl. Never told
her about my mistake."
* QUACKED "I used to call people out of the
phone book & pretend to be from KFC, offering
free chicken if they could cluck on the phone
for one minute. Very few people refused."
Make sure you join the 57,000 twats who've
followed this bollocks so far.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
-------------------------------------------------
What idiot called the early 80s band Altered
Images instead of Photoshopped?
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
More sustenance for your content pipe
* DRIL OR AI? - Dril/Wint, weird internet
bloke originally from the Something Awful
forums continues to amuse and baffle the
twatsphere, and this quiz asks whether you can
tell the difference between artificial
intelligence and his musings.
http://dril-turing-test.surge.sh
* AI GENERATED LYRICS - type in a subject and
let drivel appear. E.g. "I got aids from these
flowers, I lost my husband to aids". Yes we
typed in AIDS. No shut up, you'd do the same.
https://theselyricsdonotexist.com/
* AI CATS - really shit ones, because that's
the one good joke AI can do "duh, computer
make rubbish thing"
https://twitter.com/normalcatpics
* BBC MICRO BOT - People are doing amazing
things with this BBC Micro Bot on Twitter, it
can run code in a tweet. Someone has even got
a version of Conway's Life working. Now can
someone please make an Amstrad one? And tell
Lord Sugar he never did better work.
https://twitter.com/bbcmicrobot
* MINI GAMES - Considering the limitations of
Twitter to make interactives, these
pause-a-gif games are really rather lovely.
https://rockpapershotgun.com/2020/01/25/taro-oono-...
* LONELY ROBOTS - Google’s street view camera
taking photos of itself in mirrors. Mournful
sci-fi vibes.
http://the-camera-in-the-mirror.tumblr.com
-------------------------------------------------
Name suggestion for a bridge between Ireland and
Scoland: Ireduct.
-------------------------------------------------
: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Title Sequence Swap
Here's the best images from last week:
* DON'T MENTION THE SHOWER - by monkeon
http://b3ta.com/board/11306445
* HERE IS A BOX, A MUSICAL BOX WOUND UP AND
READY TO PLAY - by S4RK.
http://b3ta.com/board/11306772
* "THAT'S A SMASHING BLOUSE EDDIE" - by
TheCrookitFigger
http://b3ta.com/board/11306404
* See all the other images from the 'Title
Sequence Swap' challenge:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/titlesswap/popular/
>> This week: Dadvertising <<
Dadvertising, ads for dads. Create flashy,
expensive adverts for barbecue tongs, sheds
and socks. Or perhaps go the other way and
make more practical and dad friendly
commercials for high end designer goods.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/dadvertising/popular/
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make some not guff stuff
Your suggestions this week:
* WHICH [5]TH MEMBER OF THE BEATLES ARE YOU? -
If George Martin or Brian Epstein is the 5th
Beatle, which number Beatle between 6 and 7.7
billion are you?
* WHICH ACT HAS THE MOST MONTHLY LISTENS ON
SPOTIFY - Abba or Queen? It's Queen with 33
million - Abba has one 11m. There's a quiz in
this.
* A VOLUME CONTROL FOR DOGS (AND CHILDREN) -
maybe a snooze button too.
Send your guff to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
-------------------------------------------------
Star Trek: Picard, reviewed - "Make it so-so"
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt
Please join the patreon so we can afford to
eat. And thank you to newish Patreons Ben
Rout, Tim Clarke, Simon Balch - and even newer
ones Clemence Saussez, Derek Colley and Martin
Pritchard.
http://patreon.com/b3ta
