we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: "EVERY SONG IS A UTAH SAINTS SONG IF YOU SHOUT 'U-U-U-U UTAH SAINTS!' OVER THE TOP"

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* INTERACTIVE - 17th Century Death Roulette
* MUSIC - Coronavirus as plinky-plonky tune
* TRAVELATOR - Performing The Smiths 

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're hiding under 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      the desk
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta email 741 - 28th Feb 2020

Read this issue shouting "Oi! Oi!":
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue741

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
  Other than making suspicious jam

  >> 17th Century Death Roulette <<
  Matt Round writes, "Spin the wheel with
  hundreds of nasty ways to go taken from
  London’s Dreadful Visitation, a collection of
  Bills of Mortality from 1665, the year the
  plague came out of nowhere and spread across
  London." Nice. Teeth killed us/
https://vole.wtf/death-roulette/

  Matt has also made a cartoon generator. Which
  shouts "OK BOOMER!" a lot, so don't be upset
  old time readers of B3ta.
https://vole.wtf/avocado-n-toast/ 

  >> Travelator Performs The Smiths "How Soon Is Now” <<
  Pesky Young Scamp writes, "You may remember my
  mildly amusing video of a Jubilee Line Ticket
  Barrier singing Blur's Song 2. Well, it's
  taken over 6 years for the follow-up." Yay,
  it's everyone's favourite racist band!
https://b3ta.com/links/Heathrow_Moving_Walkway_Performs_The_Smiths_How_Soon_Is_Now

  >> Coronavirus as music <<
  The world is teetering on the verge of a
  pandemic and Shardcore has turned the 8k of
  Coronavirus RNA into music. It's quite
  listenable. Who knew the apocalypse would be
  so soothing?
http://www.shardcore.org/shardpress2019/2020/02/28/the-sounds-of-covid-19/

  BONUS CORONAVIRUS DEAD POOL POLL: How many
  deaths do you think there will be in the UK
  due to the coronavirus by the end of the year?
  Add your estimate to the form and if you're
  right you'll have the satisfaction of being
  right, you smug wanker.
http://bit.ly/coronavirusdeadpool

-------------------------------------------------

: BOOK PLUG
  Turned On: Science, Sex and Robots

  Kate Devlin, one time B3ta Question of the
  Week enthusiast writes, "Hello! Would you
  possibly be so kind as to mention in the b3ta
  newsletter that my book is out in much cheaper
  paperback and that it has the most b3ta-like
  index possible? (Cock rings, p. 33, Computers
  pp. 71-72)"
https://wordery.com/turned-on-kate-devlin-9781472950901

-------------------------------------------------

: FESSHOLE
  Anonymous confessions corner

  Each week we select the shittiest material
  from our anonymous confessions account and
  publish it. Here's the worst, no sorry, best:

  * SACKED - "I got the sack for gross
  misconduct after looking at porn in the
  office. When I got offered a new job and had
  to give my most recent employer as a reference
  so I bought a burner phone, gave them that
  number and put on an accent when they called
  so they wouldn't know it was me."

  * BACKED - "I met a girl in a club and we
  danced and kissed for most of the night. I got
  progressively more drunk and at some point
  mistook another girl for her, and accidentally
  went home with her instead. I had a 2 year
  relationship with this second girl. Never told
  her about my mistake."

  * QUACKED "I used to call people out of the
  phone book & pretend to be from KFC, offering
  free chicken if they could cluck on the phone
  for one minute. Very few people refused."

  Make sure you join the 57,000 twats who've
  followed this bollocks so far.
https://twitter.com/fesshole

-------------------------------------------------

What idiot called the early 80s band Altered
Images instead of Photoshopped?

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  More sustenance for your content pipe

  * DRIL OR AI? - Dril/Wint, weird internet
  bloke originally from the Something Awful
  forums continues to amuse and baffle the
  twatsphere, and this quiz asks whether you can
  tell the difference between artificial
  intelligence and his musings.
http://dril-turing-test.surge.sh

  * AI GENERATED LYRICS - type in a subject and
  let drivel appear. E.g. "I got aids from these
  flowers, I lost my husband to aids". Yes we
  typed in AIDS. No shut up, you'd do the same.
https://theselyricsdonotexist.com/

  * AI CATS - really shit ones, because that's
  the one good joke AI can do "duh, computer
  make rubbish thing"
https://twitter.com/normalcatpics

  * BBC MICRO BOT - People are doing amazing
  things with this BBC Micro Bot on Twitter, it
  can run code in a tweet. Someone has even got
  a version of Conway's Life working. Now can
  someone please make an Amstrad one? And tell
  Lord Sugar he never did better work.
https://twitter.com/bbcmicrobot

  * MINI GAMES - Considering the limitations of
  Twitter to make interactives, these
  pause-a-gif games are really rather lovely.
https://rockpapershotgun.com/2020/01/25/taro-oono-is-turning-twitter-gifs-into-delightful-microgames/

 * LONELY ROBOTS - Google’s street view camera
 taking photos of itself in mirrors. Mournful
 sci-fi vibes.
http://the-camera-in-the-mirror.tumblr.com

-------------------------------------------------

Name suggestion for a bridge between Ireland and
Scoland: Ireduct.

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Title Sequence Swap

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * DON'T MENTION THE SHOWER - by monkeon
http://b3ta.com/board/11306445

  * HERE IS A BOX, A MUSICAL BOX WOUND UP AND
  READY TO PLAY - by S4RK.
http://b3ta.com/board/11306772

  * "THAT'S A SMASHING BLOUSE EDDIE" - by
  TheCrookitFigger
http://b3ta.com/board/11306404

  * See all the other images from the 'Title
  Sequence Swap' challenge:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/titlesswap/popular/

  >> This week: Dadvertising <<
  Dadvertising, ads for dads. Create flashy,
  expensive adverts for barbecue tongs, sheds
  and socks. Or perhaps go the other way and
  make more practical and dad friendly
  commercials for high end designer goods.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/dadvertising/popular/

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Make some not guff stuff

  Your suggestions this week:

  * WHICH [5]TH MEMBER OF THE BEATLES ARE YOU? -
  If George Martin or Brian Epstein is the 5th
  Beatle, which number Beatle between 6 and 7.7
  billion are you?

  * WHICH ACT HAS THE MOST MONTHLY LISTENS ON
  SPOTIFY - Abba or Queen? It's Queen with 33
  million - Abba has one 11m. There's a quiz in
  this.

  * A VOLUME CONTROL FOR DOGS (AND CHILDREN) -
  maybe a snooze button too.
 
  Send your guff to: 
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

Star Trek: Picard, reviewed - "Make it so-so"

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt

  Please join the patreon so we can afford to
  eat. And thank you to newish Patreons Ben
  Rout, Tim Clarke, Simon Balch - and even newer
  ones Clemence Saussez, Derek Colley and Martin
  Pritchard.
http://patreon.com/b3ta

next issue »
« previous issue