NEWSLETTER: "BRIAN MAY'S GARDENING ACCIDENT: WEEDS WILL, WEEDS WILL WRECK YOU"
This Week:
* FONTS - Not without swearing. Hooray!
* DOCTOR WHO - Played on the bass guitar. Oh yes
* FESSHOLE - Best posts of April in one handy link
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "What idiot called it
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | bukakke and not 'paste
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| without formatting'?"
B3ta binary-mail 745 - 8th May 0b11111100100
Read this issue to a ZX81, who are we to judge?
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue745
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN "MAKING" THIS WEEK
Other than sitting on Zoom and flaking dandruff
>> Scunthorpe Sans swear-blocking font <<
Matt Round writes, "Using fancy ligatures I
made a font that detects common swear words,
but there's a special exemption for
'Scunthorpe', they've suffered enough from
crap content filters over the years." This is
totally wristwatch.
https://vole.wtf/scunthorpe-sans/
>> More anonymous opinions <<
We've rejigged our anonymous opinions account
a bit so check it out if you haven't looked at
it recently. Hot takes include: "Those Peaky
Blinder flat caps just make everyone who wears
them look like a massive twat", "Linda
McCartney was waay more talented than her
husband - did he think up veggie sausages? Did
he fuck" and "Radio 1 is a series of ghastly
noises interspersed with the jabbering of
unbearable, self-regarding cunts."
https://twitter.com/anon_opin
>> Doctor Who played on the bass <<
Blonix has been amusing himself by playing the
Doctor Who theme tune on the bass using loops.
No, come back, it's quite fun.
https://b3ta.com/links/Dr_Who_loops
>> Dubbed animals <<
Slurpy J is back on his bullshit and dubbing
animals again.
https://b3ta.com/links/See_the_problem_here_is_you...
-------------------------------------------------
What idiot named the Genesis album "And Then
There Were Three" and not No Hackett Required?
-------------------------------------------------
: FESSHOLE
Your anonymous confessions, confessed
Each week we collate your fibs about sex and
pissing into sinks into shareable content.
Our faves include:
* FARTS - "My girlfriend feel asleep minutes
before we were supposed to have sex. So I
drilled a massive fart into her face. The next
morning she said she had a dream about a
weird-sounding cow."
* SPITE CLUB - "Working late I used to sneak
into the boardroom and write things like
'merger', 'privatisation?' and 'asset
overhaul' on the whiteboard, then half rub
them out. People using the room the next day
started SO many rumours."
* CHOP - "My post-vasectomy guidance said to
ejaculate at least twice a week for 12 weeks.
My wife had agreed to 'sort out' all necessary
ejaculations. I reprinted the leaflet so it
said 'twice a day'. Best 12 weeks of my life."
If this kind of grot is your bag then follow
on Twitter dot bollocks. Link goes to the best
posts of April - nice.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/12565776902928...
-------------------------------------------------
Linda McCartney missed a trick not selling
Veggie Wings
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Content made by bastards who aren't us
* BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY REINVENTED AS GOOD - you
will spend the next six minutes of your life
listening to Bohemian Rhapsody played with 2
million individual notes in a monstrous great
midi file and you won't regret a second of it
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* MAKE YOUR NEXT PROJECT LOOK EXACTLY LIKE
WINDOWS 98 - a beautiful,
meticulously-designed UI that is perfect to
delight a core audience of nostalgic,
middle-aged nerds.
https://jdan.github.io/98.css/#intro
* NEURAL NET MUSICAL MASHUPS - Writing music
is now obsolete as AI can take previously
written songs and make new ones out of it
complete with vocals. The legal implications
are huge.
https://openai.com/blog/jukebox/
* AI MEME GENERATOR - final proof that after
the machines take everybody's paying job
they'll take over all shitposting too. They
won't be good at it 100% of the time, but they
will be extremely cheap.
https://imgflip.com/ai-meme
* 'CLOSED DUE TO COVID' SIGNS - Lovely idea as
someone has collected the messages businesses
have put up in their windows to tell customers
why they're closed. It's all surprisingly warm
and supportive, although perhaps that's
because a lot of them are Canadian.
https://duetocovid19.com
* JAY-Z RAPS HAMLET SPEECH - From Vocal
Synthesis, a YouTube channel dedicated to
audio deepfakes, like everyone's problematic
fave GW Bush singing In Da Club.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* IMPROVE NIRVANA - Cobain's finest covered
but every high note is at half speed. As it
should be.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
-------------------------------------------------
Groundhog Day 2020 but Bill Murray doesn't
notice he's in a time loop as every day is the
same anyway.
-------------------------------------------------
: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Grown Up Movie Cartoons
Here's the best images from last week:
* "WITHNAIL AND I" by S4RK
https://b3ta.com/board/11312961
* "AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON" by HappyToast
https://b3ta.com/board/11312846
* SE7EN - by Paint!
https://b3ta.com/board/11313118
* See all the other images from the 'Grown Up
Movie Cartoons' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/grownupmoviecartoons/pop...
>> This week: Social Distancing Computer Games <<
We're still in lock down and playing computer
games, but what if those games had to obey the
same rules. Social distance Pacman and start a
GTA killing spree because someone coughed near
you.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/SocialDistancingComputer...
-------------------------------------------------
Fair play to Bowie and Prince for checking out
before things really turned to shit.
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make "content" and make us feel content
Some ideas to kick you off:
* DYSTOPIAN READING CLUB - each week the guest
brings in their favourite apocalyptic novel to
discuss on a podcast. [And now an advert from
our sponsors: Have you bought the prepper's
survival kit?]
* VR BOOK READER - The best place to read a
book is a train journey. The next innovation
in reading technology will be VR contact
lenses that put you on a train to Leeds and
then you read Adrian Mole on a virtual Kindle.
* HEADPHONES THAT DON'T NEED CHARGING - maybe
they could have wires or something?
Mail us here - and don't send us photographs
of your pubes and call it art - we've blocked
you James.
https://b3ta.com/mailus
-------------------------------------------------
Everyone who eats a sausage should be prepared to kill a sausage dog.
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round & David
Stevenson. Plus Simbosan.
And congratulations to Britain's PM on his
approximately 6th or 7th child.
Please join the patreon so we can afford to
eat. And thank you to newish Patreons Ben
Rout, Tim Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence
Saussez, Derek Colley. Martin Pritchard,
Stephanie Wissinger, Dion Ashton and newest
one Paul Blanchard. Thanks Paul.
http://patreon.com/b3ta
