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NEWSLETTER: "WHAT IDIOT CALLED IT HORSE & HOUND MAGAZINE INSTEAD OF HOOF & WOOF?"

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This Week:
* GAME - Guess the IMDB rating
* PODCAST - Prev-covid walks to office recorded 
* BOOK - How to entertain your kids

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "Socially isolated and
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | very online, long before
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  it was fashionable"

B3ta steam-mail 746 - 27th May 2020

Read this issue in a rose garden to the press:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue746

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
  Other than making sinister chocolate

  >> Guess My IMDB Rating << 
  IMDb users give every movie a rating between 0
  and 100. Your challenge is to guess the number
  by naming movies until you find one with a
  matching score. Thanks Monkeon for this slice
  of hard genius. 
https://monkeon.co.uk/guessmyimdbrating/

  >> Should You Go Out? <<
  JimmerUK writes, "Due to confusion regarding
  the current government advice, a comprehensive
  questionnaire has been prepared by a panel of
  experts that will clarify matters, informing
  you whether you should go out or not. "
https://jimmeruk.com/stayathome 

  >> Government Coronavirus Slogan Generator <<
  Jaymeekae writes, "I probably could have
  channelled my anger in to something
  constructive but I made this automatic
  government bullshit generator instead." 
https://coronavirusslogan.com/ 

  >> Walk to work Podcast <<
  Matt Round has asked people to record their
  trips to work. Little did he know he would be
  capturing a world just before it disappeared
  due to virus bollocks. Drink deep on the
  nostalgia of having a commute. Or are we all
  back again. We can't remember.
https://vole.wtf/trudgecast/

  >> BBC Radio Four - the Chill Out mix <<
  It's 1989 and you've taken a pill in a club;
  it gets too much & you wander into the chill
  out room & the DJ is playing a super mellow
  set of Radio 4 classics. Follow the B3ta
  editor's news project now, to hear it first.
https://twitter.com/l_o_n_g_w_a_v_e

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Dildo factory. If you build it, they will come.

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: WHAT TO DO WITH KIDS ON A LOCK DOWN
  501 Games to Entertain and Keep the Kids Sane

  Old B3tan Mike Rampton has written a book of
  games to play with kids and says, "It was
  written before lockdown, and briefly looked
  like it was timed amazingly, although now that
  schools might be reopening, it might be timed
  really badly. Either way, I nearly went fully
  mental writing it, so that’s something. I hope
  it can give parents and kids a few hours of
  fun anyway."

  We asked Mike for an example game. "Get about
  twenty pairs of socks, split them up and hide
  one from each pair in various places around
  the house. Then present your offspring with
  the pile of remaining odd socks and relax with
  a can of Kronenbourg while they hunt out the
  missing ones. Fun!"
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1529106885/b3ta-21

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The hardest covid hygiene skill is opening a
fresh supermarket bag without licking your
fingers.

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: FRIDAY GAME
  Making 'password generation' fun

  Type in a password. No, it should have 1
  number. You do that. No, it should have one
  uppercase letter. And so it goes.  We are
  jealous of this idea.
https://youshallnotpass.glitch.me

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: SITES IN BEEF. DELICIOUS OXO-Y BEEF
  Content made by other people of internet land

  * FIGHTING TALK - The best comedy writers in
  the world are working, unpaid, in
  r/relationships
https://twitter.com/JakeMHS/status/1260025788759326720

  * 90s BEDROOM SIMULATOR - we don't have a VR
  headset, but we enjoyed the browser version of
  this 90s bedroom simulator. Wish you could
  choose your own posters and games, though. Sam
  Fox and Bomb Jack all the way.
https://sonictruth.github.io/vr-dos/

  * MELODY BOT - here's the sting music for your
  algo-generated Seinfeld script
https://twitter.com/MelodyBot3456/status/1258143426651893760

  * TOLKIEN CHARACTER OR ANTI DEPRESSANT QUIZ -
  we scored fuck all on this. Hard as nails as
  we know fuck all about either subject.
https://antidepressantsortolkien.xebuz.now.sh/ 

  * AI INVENTED WORKS - Really simple but
  beautiful use of machine learning, a site that
  generates entirely new words. e.g. Cacochus -
  a shrub with purple, pink, or yellow flowers
https://thisworddoesnotexist.com

  * HORROR MOVIES VS COVID - how to Survive
  Covid-19 Learned From Sci Fi and Horror
  Movies.
http://b3ta.com/links/1539635

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Slade is correctly pronounced Slah-day like
Sade. Change our mind.

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: FESSHOLE
  Your anonymous confessions, confessed
  
  Each week we collate your fibs about sex and
  pissing into sinks into shareable content.

  Our faves include:

  * HERO - "I haven't bought a coffee in
  Wetherspoons for nearly four years. Just carry
  the mug I stole in 2016 in my bag and help
  myself."

  * WEIRDO - "I send the woman who sits next to
  me at work a birthday and Christmas card to
  her home address every year, using a made up
  family. It's driving her mad not knowing who
  Jacqui, Martin and Oliver are!"

  * SHIT-ERO - When myself and my best pal were
  12 we had a 'who can't poo the longest'
  competition. I won, because after 6 days he
  shit himself in my dad's Volvo on the drive
  home from my birthday party.

  Join the 75,000 cunts that have followed this
  shit. Or follow the less popular @anon_opin
  which is the same shit but slightly different.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/

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Why not an edit war on the Wikipedia page for
Oasis's Some Might Say, by repeatedly reporting
the title for weasel words?

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  80s editions of classic books

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * JANE EYREWOLF -  from Ninj
http://b3ta.com/board/11314126

  * THE LORD OF MCFLY'S - from Q4nobody
http://b3ta.com/board/11314334

  * THE GREAT GAATSBY - from Q4nobody too. The
  talented git.
http://b3ta.com/board/11314203

  * See all the other images from the '80s
  editions of classic books' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/80sbooks/popular


  >> This week: Bones <<
  Show us your funny bones. 
http://b3ta.com/challenge/Bones/popular

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Elon Musk and Grimes welcome baby 'X Æ A-12'.
Noddy Holder shout: "IT'S X MUSK"

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round & David
  Stevenson. Plus BatFastardCom & Miss
  Fortunate.

  Please join the patreon so we can afford to
  eat. And thank you to newish Patreons Ben
  Rout, Tim Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence
  Saussez, Derek Colley. Martin Pritchard,
  Stephanie Wissinger, Dion Ashton and newest
  one Paul Blanchard. Thanks Paul.
http://patreon.com/b3ta

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