NEWSLETTER: "WHAT DID YODA SAY TO THE CHUCKLE BROTHERS ABOUT SOCIAL DISTANCING? TWO METRE, YOU."
"What did Yoda say to the Chuckle Brothers about social distancing? Two metre, you."
This Week:
* QUIZ - How decisive are you?
* FESSHOLE - Cat nipple doctor shock
* BBC MICROS - a surprising amount of them. OK, two
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Preparing for Lockdown 2
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by stockpiling bog roll
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| memes... together"
B3ta email 755 - 2nd Nov 2020
Read this issue whilst huffing the air of Wham!
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue755
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: BUY 'WORD CLOUD' TAROT CARDS
Sponsored link
This newsletter is sponsored by veteran B3tan
Priestess who says: "Ever wanted to learn the
tarot, but been too lazy to learn which cards
have which meanings? Fed up with looking up
cards on websites and in books? I was, so I
made a deck with the meanings written on them
to make it easy. They are glossy and black and
have pretty aliens on them too."
https://wordcloudtarot.com
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
Other than eating ham and wanking
* HOW DECISIVE ARE YOU? Monkeon has been
mucking about trying to work out how decisive
you are, and writes, "Hopefully the question
format I chose doesn't detract from the twist,
but the idea of a Sophie's Choice quiz amused
me more than standard personality questions."
https://monkeon.co.uk/howdecisiveareyou/
* BIG VAG ENERGY - Fogfood tells us about this
"Goofy rap video I made with some pals. The
animation was erm time-consuming."
https://b3ta.com/links/Big_Vag_Energy
* VIRAL COMICS - Ambegris writes, "Not blogged
for a while but have a look at how comics have
handled viral outbreaks over the years."
https://the-slipper.blogspot.com/2020/07/viral-com...
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: BUY A SWEARY SCARF YOU SEXY PEOPLE
Gazooks! A scarf that swears!
Hebtro are now selling scarfs with swearing on
them, and they'd love suggestions for new
phrases. Rude and all made in the UK too. Buy
them now before they sell the toss out.
https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions, fessed up for cheap lols
Each week we ask you to spit your lies into a
box and publish the ones that either make us
laugh or boggle:
* TATTOO - 'I'm Chinese and love to ask people
why they have "butthole" tattooed on
themselves. I can't even read Mandarin.'
* MEOW - "Took my cat to the vets because I
was concerned about some lumps I'd found on
him. Paid £32 to have the vet tell me that my
cat did indeed have nipples."
* SHOES - 'My husband refuses to help our
local homeless guy, because "Every time I see
that cunt he's wearing a new pair of
trainers!" I wonder why, Mr "I've got 80 pairs
of Adidas Gazelles" No mate, you've got
73....'
Join the 90,0000+ arseholes who've typed over
a million words into a tiny Google form. Link
goes to the best of September so share it for
goodness.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/13182496235349...
BTW: As the Elon Musk of bullshit Twitter
accounts, we welcome these new rules where BBC
staff can't post anything they really think.
Post anonymously - we wont rat you out for
your contentious opinions.
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Celebrating Sean Connery
With the sad demise of the Highlander II: The
Quickening star Sean Connery, we're asking you
to pay tribute using your pirated copies of
Corel Draw:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/seanconnery/popular
/
And still open, we've got Horror Books which
is well worth a click.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/horrorbooks/popular/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Projects made by people we are "othering"
* WHAT CAN YOU CODE IN 280 CHARS? - That BBC
Micro Twitter bot now has a website. Glad
they have done this, as these things always
look best side-by-side in one massive
collection, and they are now safe from the
Twitter spam-ban-algorithm.
https://bbcmicrobot.com
* PAT SHARP VS ZELIG - Pat Sharp's has written
a weird fictional autobiography where he's
inserted himself into 1980s history. Not sure
we'd bother reading the whole book but it's at
least interesting that he's taken an odd
approach.
https://twitter.com/anitathetweeter/status/1319364...
* ELECTION 1982 GAME - See if you can run the
country better than the tories did in the
'80s. This made us laugh until we cried,
sticking up VAT to 100% and refusing to spend
any money. Click the PLAY button.
http://bbcmicro.co.uk/game.php
* MAKE ME A ZOMBIE - everything is using GAN
technology now, including shitty zombie
make-over apps. Still, we got some cheap lols
from putting Gary Glitter into it and thought
"best not post this on Twitter"
https://makemeazombie.com/
* AI-GENERATED BOB ROSS PAINTINGS - get your
relaxing images via more GAN stuff.
https://twitter.com/happylittlepx
* MONKEON RECOMMENDS - Rico writes "a game
which passed my test that if I play it to the
end then it might be newsletter-worthy. I was
expecting a remake of Scary Maze Game, but
it's not a screamer."
https://donitz.itch.io/dreader
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If you think about it, most films could be a
Jurassic Park sequel / prequel, but just telling
you part of the story that doesn't contain
dinosaurs.
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
Follow-ups on previous stories
* GANKSY ART SELLS SELLS SELLS - Holy shit.
Matt Round has sold 110+ of his Banksy-esque
AI artworks - the first one cost £1 (we bought
it) and for each sale the price as gone up £1.
https://vole.wtf/ganksy/
* B3TA CODER HAS SPUDS STOLEN - one-time B3ta
coder Paul Curry has had his potatoes nicked
and went straight to the papers. https://www.sussexlive.co.uk/news/sussex-news/man-...
* YOKO ONO BOT TALKS TO SEAN LENNON - Just
Sean Lennon having a chat with his robot mum.
https://twitter.com/seanonolennon/status/131854811...
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We recommend our audience of largely middle-aged
UK men who like comedy and old computers vote
against Trump in this election they are not part
of.
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something good, you know you should
* HOW ELITIST ARE YOU? - analyses your Twitter
account sees whether you reply to people with
significantly lower follower accounts than
yourself or mostly talk UP.
* HOW DRUNK ARE YOU? - Amazon could
theoretically predict if you're drunk from
your mouse movements and then funnel you into
product list of crisps and speedboats.
Send your bobbins to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
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EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. Please
join the patreon so we can afford to buy
sausages. And a special thanks to the Hebtro
gang. Buy their scarves. Link at the top.
http://patreon.com/b3ta
