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NEWSLETTER: "SELF-ISOLATING SINCE 1973 AND NOT BY CHOICE"

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This Week:
* AI ART - For sale, at last
* FESSHOLE - Improving charity shop donations
* TEST - Are YOU going bald? SPOILER: YES!

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're barking 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |    at the cars
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta email 754 - 19th Oct 2020

Read this issue whilst huffing the air of ham:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue754

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
  Other than make disco LPs about ham

  >> GANksy - A.I. street artist <<
  Matt Round writes, "I trained a neural network
  on the work of a certain street artist and
  ended up creating a dark twisted visual
  genius, some of it is weirdly disturbing. You
  can also buy the art and then sell it to a
  Saatchi for millions." Your editor bought the
  first one for £1 so hopefully that's the
  retirement fund sorted out.
https://vole.wtf/ganksy/

  >> Quarantine Age Kicks <<
  Shardcore has made a song that sits halfway
  between mad conspiracy bullshit and satire but
  the Mark E Smith performance is genuinely
  compelling. A confused thumbs up from us.
https://b3ta.com/links/Quarantine_Age_Kicks

  >> I made these pictures move <<
  Drivelsieve is doing his Terry Gilliam 2.0
  shtick again and it's wonderful.
https://b3ta.com/links/I_made_these_pictures_move:2

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: BUY A SWEARY SCARF YOU SEXY PEOPLE
  Gazooks! A scarf that swears!

  Hebtro are now selling scarfs with swearing on
  them, and they'd love suggestions for new
  phrases. Rude and all made in the UK too. Buy
  them now before they sell the piss out.
https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/

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What's flat and wooly? Larry the laminated.

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Flat, slow, clicky video
  
  * WHAT YOUR WEBCAM KNOWS ABOUT YOU - it can
  guess your age, your gender and find out what
  else. (It thought we were 22, so we now
  welcome our surveillance society future.)
https://hownormalami.eu

  * 70s POP STARS KUNG FU - Stevie Nicks And
  Abba's Frida Star In This Women's Self Defense
  Manual
https://imgur.com/gallery/esPrlbH

  * 303/808 TOY - make your own shitty acid
  house in your browser. Cat nip for Gen X.
https://808303.studio

  * ARE YOU GOING BALD? A webcam with an 8
  second delay so that you can inspect the back
  of your head and see how the bald patch is
  coming along.
https://doilookweird.com

  * ASK JEEVES 2.0? A search engine of old
  school retro sites, yes B3ta is there, you
  cheeky bastards.
https://wiby.me

  * FOLK GAMES - a great thread of games people
  have made up to amuse themselves, some really
  interesting concepts in there, that could be
  translated into novelty mobile games.
https://twitter.com/HawkDanny/status/1313881230312714241

-------------------------------------------------

We've just realised that when Frankie sang
"Welcome To The Pleasure Dome" the pleasure dome
was probably Holly's bell-end, rather than some
big top circus tent like I imagined when I was
10.

-------------------------------------------------

: FESSHOLE
  Your confessions, fessed up for cheap lols
  
  Each week we ask you to spit your lies into a
  box and publish the ones that either make us
  laugh or boggle:

  * SEX - "My nosey bastard kids went snooping
  into our closet the other day and now I have
  fend off questions from them about why mummy
  has a school uniform, and what school she goes
  to, and when she goes. Mortifying."

  * BOOKS - "Before giving away a book to a
  charity shop I forge the author's signature on
  it. I've written things like 'To Dave, hope
  you enjoy, Geoffrey Chaucer'"

  * SCRABBLE - "I've been playing online
  scrabble with an old man and felt like we had
  bonded over playing against each other for 6+
  months but after messaging him I realised he
  was a bot and I'm honestly heartbroken."

  Join the 87,0000 arseholes who've typed 1.1
  million words into a tiny Google form:
https://twitter.com/fesshole

-------------------------------------------------
 
Porridge is just milky flapjacks. Change our mind.

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
  Follow-ups on previous stories
  
  * DEATH STATS - Matt Round writes, "17th
  Century Death Roulette launched shortly before
  pandemic hit, I looked at when its traffic
  fell off a cliff and concluded the UK started
  shitting itself about coronavirus on March
  9th."
https://vole.wtf/death-roulette/

  * WE SUGGESTED THIS IN THE LAST NEWSLETTER - 
  and we see someone has built one although not
  a b3tan as far as we know. (Brave linking it
  to his work site, but it's in Dutch so angry
  MAGAs will probably be too confused to send
  death threats.)
https://hastrumpdied.com 

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Animal Adverts

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * GROUCH SAYS. "IT'S GOOD SHIT, KIDS!" - from
  PedroHin
http://b3ta.com/board/11327694

  * CEILING CAT IS WATCHING YOU GROUT - from
  b0rk3d
http://b3ta.com/board/11327148

  * AFTERSHAVE ADVERT - from razzle
http://b3ta.com/board/11327370

  * See all the other images from the 'Animal
  Adverts' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/animaladverts/popular/

  >> This week: Artist Puns <<
  Think of an artist and do a funny with their
  name.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/artistpuns/popular/

-------------------------------------------------

If you want to know which surname has the power
in the family, it's not the kids, it's what the
pets are registered under at the vet.

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
  Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
  Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
  Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. Please
  join the patreon so we can afford to buy
  sausages. And a special thanks to the Hebtro
  gang. Buy their scarves. Link at the top.
http://patreon.com/b3ta

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